To ask for your bizarre labour memories/flashbacks

[MrsA2015]

One of mine was being on all fours and fed an M&S Mexican 3 bean wrap, which I promptly threw up leaving the poor student midwife to clear up. Oh and asking for jellied eels (I've never had them before and don't like seafood)

I genuinely believed that Rod, Jane and Freddie had kidnapped the anaesthetist and that's why I was still waiting for an epidural. Obviously DP and the midwife were in on it.

Cocolepew you are my hero! I'm impressed that you were able to think up a quip like that in the middle of labour.

I vividly remember arriving at hospital to have DS. I'd been in labour for a while and began to panic that we wouldn't get there in time. We parked up and I started hobbling along towards the entrance to the maternity unit. A strong contraction then caused me to lie down on the ground in the car park wailing 'I can't go any further! I'll just have him here!'. It was late November.
My waters went as I walked onto the ward, and on examination they found I was already fully dilated, so I felt my melodramatic behaviour was fully justified.

Nearly having the baby in the back of the cab cos the NCT woman said it would take days. When I got to hospital shouting at a couple of policeman outside who said I had to use another exit - they legged it when I had a contraction. Finally at the Lab ward I was put in a room with Snow White & 7 dwarfs singing 'hi ho hi ho it's off to work you go' on loop!

Off my face on G&A while having DS3 I kept wailing 'I want to go home, I want to go home...'

I was having a home birth

I was in labour for 37.5 hours, 36 of them before I arrived at hospital. Got there fully dilated but waters hadn't broken so midwife broke them for me. G&A made me feel like I was drunk (and I'm a sleepy drunk), so in between being off my face, I kept dozing off the sleep. I also

• accused DH of 'fucking off' and leaving me to give birth to HIS baby all by myself - poor bugger never left my side (allegedly)

• Said to the midwife 'don't you dare give me cheese sarnies, I hate cheese'

• Pulled the tube off the G&A, burst into giggles and said 'oh for fucks sake, I've broke it'

• Made plans to decant the gas and air into coke bottles and sell it so I could 'make a fortune from bottling this stuff'. I had no idea how I was going to do such a thing

• Midwife asks if I'm in pain, 'nope' came the reply, along with fits of giggles. She tells me to save the G&A for the contractions, to which I apparently replied 'well why would I do that, I don't WANT to feel the contractions, so why would I save it. She meant for me to just take the G&A whilst breathing through a contractions, not sucking on it continuously for an hour

• Told the consultant that came to get my son out via episiotomy and forceps that he had 'hands like fucking shovels' (he did too!). The doctor is still there as far as I know and as soon as I mention this, people say 'oh he was there x years ago and delivered such and such. He had hands like shovels then!

• DH told the midwife he was type 1 diabetic. Ten minutes later arrived a tray with a teapot, mug, a couple of rounds of toast. Queried where mine was, to which MW said 'we'll get you tea and toast when this baby is out' so I accused her of starving me and favouring DH (he wasn't there though as I thought he'd fucked off)

I don't remember much more other than some random little outbursts. I slept through a lot of my labour as the G&A made me feel really drunk and really sleepy. I'd do it all again just for the gas and air, and I'm pleased to read it had the same affect on others too!

I gave birth to my first dc 2 weeks ago, and am now cringing at flashbacks.

I had a god awful back to back labour, and begged/screamed for an epidural- which was given to me by a doctor - he then came back about half hour later, to see how I was doing once it had taken effect. By then I had also had pethidine, and was inhaling gas and air whilst drooling like a beagle, but still managed to reply "Yes this is an excellent service, 10/10, would epidural with you again". Then saltued him, like an army general.

Pre epidural when I was in the throws of contracts and hadn't had any pain relief, a midwife asked me if I wanted skin to skin contact once dd was here, I snarled, "Frankly, I'm past the point of fucking caring" God I must of been a joy to deal with

My doula scraping the shit off her flip flop at the sink in the corner of the room after I'd shat on the floor and she'd stood in it

The midwife took the gas and air away from me because I wouldn't push properly, every time I took a gulp and inhaled, it was like I was pulling the baby back up!

Whilst I was still allowed the gas and air, I decided it made me sound like Darth Vader and I promptly shouted out 'Luke, I am your father!

I had an elcs nearly 4 weeks ago now. I've given birth lots but never had a section so it was all new ground to me.
As the spinal block started working, the midwife catheterised me. I felt her lift my leg and bend it at the knee but because I was going numb very quickly, I didn't feel her put my leg back down. There was so much going on but I couldn't shake this weird feeling about my leg. It felt bent still.

Couple of minutes passed and out of nowhere I yelled into the face of my husband "where the hell is my leg?!"
"Errm it's on the table dear with your other one!"

Tbf Badgers it was very early on, I was sucking away on the gas and air and had hardly any contractions

Bit of background here, I work as a nurse in the hospital that I had our children.

Whilst in labour and off my face on G&A with dd1, I told the miserable midwife that I didn't value her opinion and she could fuck right off (all because she made a comment about a babygro thay we bought!) It was embarrassing when I next went to a delivery with her! I threw up on another colleague who had to go and change, and then the paediatricians were called because I was taken for emergency section and dds heart rate was low. A year or so later, I was at work and recognised one of the doctors, but couldn't place her. Eventually I asked and it turns out that she attended delivery and gave my dd help, meanwhile I was screaming "why isn't she crying" and "someone find me someone who knows what they are doing" - she's a very competent doctor! She took no offence and was a great colleague to work with.

While hooked up to a monitor.
Me- haha look, it's the machine that goes PING!
Midwife-
Me- you know, Monty Python, ministry of funny walks (attempts laid down funny walk while mid contraction)
Husband- helpfully joins in
Midwife- stop that, you're having a contraction
Me- I know. I've been having them for 62 hours. I'm starting to get used to them.
Midwife- (prizing nozzle out of my hand) I think that's enough gas and air for now.

Premature labour not far off delivering baby. There are at least 12 people in the room one of whom is a young male student (we think a pediatric student as the weren't any male student midwives or obs at the time). He's stood there at the end of the bed telling me how well I'm doing really enthusiastically. According to dh my contraction finished & I looked up & asked him how many labours he'd been present at with a raised eyebrow, he answered I was the 1st, so I then gave him a withering look, looked at the midwife & said "that figures" while she tried to keep a straight face Poor lad, apparently I did apologise after.

I was admitted at around 10.30am on the Sunday morning to be sent to the maternity assessment unit. I was beyond cross when I was told the birth centre (which I had had to fight for a birth on due to medical history) was shut, and there were no beds on the labour ward and I could just "walk around for a bit and come back" I resolutely screamed as loud as I could with each passing contraction, ringing my MW who was the birth centre manager saying I was being abandoned and might aswell fuck off home and have my baby at home. Funnily enough, a bed was soon found for me.

I had a long arsed labour and had our son at 09.38 on the Monday morning followed by an episiotomy and forceps delivery. I remember after I had had my son, blood everywhere, naked as the day I was born, the midwife saying "your parents are outside" I turned to DH and said "Your parents??" He looked at me - well mine wont have travelled 150 miles will they?! My parents had made their way to the hospital after 24 hours since I told them I was being admitted.

Gladly I dont remember this but after I had had our son, puffing away on G&A for almost 24 hours, my husband told me that when the medical team appeared in our room with the resuscitaire thing, a few MWs, Drs and Jnr Drs, ready to do a forceps delivery with the potential of being whisked to theatre, a jnr Dr said to a snr Dr "Whats this for" or "How does this work" meaning the little oxygen mask for the baby should it be needed [shocked] I would have gone fucking mental had I heard that. My MW (who I am since very good friends with) said thats one problem of having a summer born baby.... it's known in the trade as "Killing fields" as all the newly qualified Drs emerge onto the wards...

Apparently the pethidine made me very confused but didn't do much for the pain. The only thing I remember is a new midwife being there and me repeatedly asking her her name over and over and promising each time that this time I really would remember it.

Three and a half years later I had an operation and on coming round from the anesthetic I started calling the nurse by the name of the midwife, repeatedly apologising and trying to explain why I was calling her by the wrong name. Eventually she suggested that I go back to sleep. I agreed this was a good idea and promptly did as I was told.

Can't for the life of me remember the midwifes name now.

I had a great labour. I'm genuinely disappointed as these stories are hilarious, welldone ladies 😍

I remember thinking (on the G&A) that I had to do everything twice because I was two people.

Sixth form student on a work experience placement watched it all, a few days later DP and I discussing it all and he said "well it was great with her there wasn't it, taking all those photos"... I was like WHAT?!

I shouted "fuuuuucccckkkk" for 3 hours straight whilst off my face on gas and air. Does that count?

After a long labour and 87 hours of pushing the midwife cheerily informs me that "it's got lots of lovely dark hair.."
To which I charmingly replied, " I don't give a shit what colour hair it's got, just GET IT OUT!"

And afterward (having had epidural and emergency forceps) remarking to DH how having a baby was a piece of piss and not at all painful.
DH then royally pissed on my chips by reminding me I was still paralysed from the waist down...
Oh.

Whilst on gas and air I thought that I'd already had the baby and my partner and the midwife had hidden it from me.

High on gas and air with ds1 convinced I was Alison Moyet cos the gas and air had done something funny to my vocal chords and I sounded like a man.

Ever higher with diamorphine with ds2 hearing pneumatic drills out of the window as they were doing building work outside and thinking I was in the best nightclub ever. Hands in the air, eyes closed. Dh being like wtf?!
That was after being on all 4s and a whole bunch of drs and students coming in and me going "welcome, welcome! Come on in and see my spotty pants!"

Another gas and air story (although as an analgesic I think it sucks). I started reciting The Tale of The Ancient Mariner and when I had finished with that I started quoting little facts about Alexandra The Great eg he was born in Mesopotamia etc and then wanted to test my dh and the midwife to see if they had been listening.

High as a kite on diamorphine, I said it's such a lovely day outside lets go for a walk...I thought I was in Dubai (lived there for a few years) but I was actually in a basement hospital room in grey old England in November!
DP & midwife just laughed at me after a few faces!
Also speaking to my sister when I was on the ward a few hours later, she asked how it had all gone. Still high I was like 'yeah no problem, didn't really even hurt'
She said she'd call me the next day when I'd come down a bit