To ask for your bizarre labour memories/flashbacks

[MrsA2015]

One of mine was being on all fours and fed an M&S Mexican 3 bean wrap, which I promptly threw up leaving the poor student midwife to clear up. Oh and asking for jellied eels (I've never had them before and don't like seafood)

Merrily laying on the bed, epidural in place and suddenly shouting "my waters have gone! This is it!" Excited as had been in labour for 12 hours, and was getting sick of it at this point. Midwife checks, "no love, that's wee." Four times I was convinced my waters had gone, only for it to be me happily peeing myself every single time. Eventually midwife popped my waters for me and off we went. In my defence I was very numb from the epidural

On gas and air I was convinced I was Barry White as I thought my voice sounded so low!

My waters broke in the early hours of the morning. I chucked on the only thing that fitted me and DH grabbed the quickest thing he could find.
Our outfits were both tie-dyed.
I had hairy legs....it was too hard to shave them.
After a very straight forward short normal labour where midwife held one leg and DH had the other, I gave birth.
We were offered the placenta to take home.
They had us pegged as New Age travellers.

2nd labour was much less hands on by midwife and DH but many more observers round the bottom of the bed. Midwife said if I didn't hurry up and push baby out they would have to "take the baby out".........
I gave a massive push and DS shot out so fast all three nurses/midwives/observers at bottom of bed let out a little scream. The other midwife had to catch him.

I was off my head on gas and air and diamorphine. Kept answering questions that no one had asked.

I was in the midst of an emergency c- section when I overheard the following from over the modesty curtain thingy:
"What do I do with this?' said female voice
"Everything that came out must go back in" replied a male voice.
At the time, to me, I thought she was talking about my organs or muscles or something vital...(might just have been the surgical equipment they were using, but made me a bit worried tbh)

In full blown labour, mid push and suddenly everyone's legged it out the door! Inc. Midwives! a wasp flew into the room and everyone made a run for it leaving me to it

We laugh about it now

Threw up on DPs socks, he changed, 10 seconds later I throw up again. On his socks.

Informed the male midwife, he had a lovely beard

When DS came out, I thought he was purple and yelled what the fuck is that

Name changed for this because it's SO identifying to anyone I've ever told my birth story to.

Second child arrived very quickly (25 minutes from waters breaking to him making his appearance). I only got as far as lying on my back on the downstairs hallway floor before it was time to push (MIL on phone to ambulance dispatcher getting advice etc).

They told me to push and I was in the proper final few minutes of pain / screamingness (all without pain killers). As I began to push through a contraction, a UK Referendum UKIP leaflet was pushed through my letterbox and literally landed on my face.

I often wonder what the person delivering it must have thought when they heard the screams. They didn't call the police or anything thankfully!

Glad to be of service MrsA

The midwife calling the gp surgery and stating we needed a doctor sent over and me roaring "don't fucking send dr jones, can't fucking stand the woman". The midwife said to the receptionist "did you catch that? Yes, that's right, Dr jones would be a bad idea"

The midwife giving DH a cushion and telling him to go and stand in the corner with it while I mooed like a heifer. Bless him he went and stood there looking like a deer in headlights.

I remember walking into the room on the labour ward and asking DH what that parcel was under the bed - he replied must be surgical implements etc incase needed. I joked that it was our baby wrapped up and waiting for us. Little did I know that parcel would be needed for a forceps and episiotomy delivery. I still tell everyone he was unwrapped from the parcel and handed to me

I remember the lovely young MW telling me to push, push, I shouted I was and in my head a friends comment about how when you push it's like you're having a poo and a mw will know you're pushing properly if you do poo. I made sure I pooed

Two earnest looking young medical students who seemed to just pop up out of nowhere to stand by my bed, stare down at my face, and then disappear again.

Not my story but my best friend's mum's. She was in labour with my friend at our local hospital in 1970, when doctors were still objects of reverence and kipper ties were all the rage.
During her labour the consultant regularly trouped round with his retinue which included a junior doctor with a really loud, kipper tie that my mate's mum took silent exception to. Silent until they trouped round again close to transition. With no warning she bellowed at him "Will you take that bloody tie off!". As she recalls, the consultant said nothing but the poor junior doctor did as he was told. Immediately!

First ds was a long labour, high on pethadene and gas and air, was insisting that Rod Stewart was coming in the room with his band and to let him in (was 26 years ago). More recently after having a rather traumatic birth, my dh in the opposite corner of room where he'd been put so ds could be helped out as stuck, I asked him what I looked like down there and he replied like a car crash with no survivors!

I had a emcs at 5am. In Switzerland you have a dedicated team (including pediatrician) so all had been woken early and driven to the hospital for me. I'm all prepped. The anesthetist asked were my husband was - the response from the midwife was "he's having a coffee and a pastry" I was Unimpressed. Turns out the whole team were having a pre-surgery meeting having pastry and coffee to wake them up as as dh was there scrubbing up he was involved! It took about a week for me to find out the story I thought he'd popped to the coffee shop on route.

I was extremely inappropriate affectionate in my approach to the anaesthetist who gave me my epidural. Extremely.

Poor man

My mother in law came in to the room when I was in labour (absolutely not pre-planned or wanted), and instead of wondering why the he'll she was there and who let her in, I saw she was wearing the jumper we bought her for Christmas and was very glad that she liked it and had it on.

^^wins the thread.

After DD2 was born I was being stitched and needed gas & air. I was convinced I could hear a phone incessantly ringing and roared at DH "If that's your bloody mother mithering, I'll kill her!" Poor DH, and poor DMIL!

I live the in the UK but am Irish. DD1 was 7lb 12oz. My response to this news was "oh, small sized turkey!" If you're not Irish and/or a Roddy Doyle fan, you won't get that. English DH and the MWs were a bit .

'it's fucking attached!'
I'm sniggering at my desk HighMaintenance

I keep seeing nuns in the labour room, and kept calling my dh snails! Gas & air is bloody wonderful

I thought the sound of the radio and the sound of the babies heart beat on the monitor mixed together was like a rave and I started dancing a'la big fish/little fish! I also wished the midwives good luck when they left at shift change over and wanted my husband to tell them that sketchers were really comfortable shoes! I was quite high on gas and air!

This should go in classics!

Not from labour, but from a midwife appt at the gp's.

I'd had to have amnio 3 times - twice at the local hospital with a completely incompetent registrar - the one who made the appt didn't turn up, and he was using a monitor that had no discernable image - like the end of a video cassette where it's all geometric patterns. I actually saw yellow flashes of pain despite the local anaesthetic. This was followed by a pain-free experience at St Mary's with no anaesthetic and an irritable uterus the following week. So, in short I wasn't best pleased.

Anyway, the midwife had a student with her, and asked me if I minded this. She asked me about the amnio, and I replied, completely poker-faced that I would give the doctor that cocked it up (twice) an anaesthetic-free orchidectomy any time he liked - or didn't. I added that he'd be crap at darts.

The midwife didn't bat an eyelid. The student nearly pissed herself laughing.

I had a very quick labour and had to get an ambulance as exh couldn't be reached. Anyway I remember holding the paramedics hand tightly and asking him if he like to go for a drink afterwards. Wtf was I on about I dunno but get embarrassed every time I think about it.

Some of these are hilarious!

I have so many bizarre memories from my second birth!

I had my waters broken - there was what seemed like litres and litres of fluid coming out of me - gushing all over the place. I was on G&A as they broke them and when I felt all this water coming out I couldn't stop laughing. The consultant (who had stood behind the curtains to give me some privacy) piped up "sounds like Niagra falls in there!" - well that was it, I was just screaming with laughter at that point. I had the whole room cracked up. I then nearly slipped over on a puddle of my own water!

My delivery turned into an emergency situation when they needed to ventouse my son out. The consultant was talking her registrar through how to do it. High on gas and air I suddenly shout "STOP STOP STOP STOP! What are you teaching her? Is this the time or the place?"

It was all explained that it was ok and wasn't holding things up. This next bit - I don't actually remember - but apparently I was high as a kite, head lolling about, eyes rolling into the back of my head - and I had this complete moment of clarity where I just opened my eyes - looked straight down between my legs towards the registrar performing my ventouse and just shouting (demonically) "YOU!!" - then proceeded to zone back out again into my G&A stupor.

I also thought at one point they were building a campfire in me.

I love G&A - bloody great stuff!

Gas and Air didn't make me high, I'm gutted!

I remember after having DD laying in the ward and actually feeling like I was a baby, couldn't move and was frozen to the bed! It was really unsettling and probably down to all the blood loss!

I remember between every contraction, when I was in full blown labour, pushing, thinking ah right I'm off to sleep now. And everyone in the room shouting at me to open my eyes. And then a nurse/midwife saying can you just keep still whole I put this cannula in my hand. Oh yeah no problem I'm just pushing a frigging head out but I'll keep steady!!