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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your bizarre labour memories/flashbacks

234 replies

MrsA2015 · 21/03/2017 21:57

One of mine was being on all fours and fed an M&S Mexican 3 bean wrap, which I promptly threw up leaving the poor student midwife to clear up. Oh and asking for jellied eels (I've never had them before and don't like seafood)

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsA2015 · 21/03/2017 23:26

I think the rooms should be equipped to record everything and then you choose whether or not you want to purchase the footageGrin hospitals could make a fortune! I'd love to have watched it back because I keep being told things I can't remember saying or doing!

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 21/03/2017 23:29

I was screaming at midwifes that if I was a dog I'd be put down as I was in that much pain.

Tbf I was, and I wasn't allowed pain relief until 56hours after my contractions had started. I was just in hospital screaming the place down instead Hmm

mouse26 · 21/03/2017 23:34

When they passed ds to me, I said oooh it's a baby, we've got a baby! Confused clearly I was expecting kittens - in my defense I'd been in Labour for 40 odd hours and had had a LOT of gas and air Blush

AlbertoFrog · 21/03/2017 23:36

Amanda Holden delivered ds. Obviously not really, but years later she did do that programme with the midwives Smile

Bloopbleep · 21/03/2017 23:56

When the obs surgeon came in to decide whether I was to get a section I told him I hoped he was gentler with his partner with his boxer like hands than he was being with me. I wasn't sure if he was straight or gay and thought in my gas and air induced haze I was being particularly PC by referring to partner instead of assuming wife. Then I got a fit of the giggles at the thought of him fisting someone and my partner was telling me to shut up as I tried to articulate why I was laughing. My mum was also there and gobsmacked at the rubbish I was spouting.

MargaretCabbage · 22/03/2017 00:13

I tore in both of my labours, and the sympathetic midwives let me have loads of gas and air after, which made me bum obsessed both times.

After my first labour I had a really bad tear and while I was waiting to go to theatre I found it hilariously funny, and asked DH if he could still love me if I had 'two bumholes'. I was with a nice student midwife and I remember her giving me the kindest look as I was saying it.

After my second labour the doctor was trying to explain what she was going to do and I interrupted and asked her if she was going to rummage in my bum. I thought I was being hilarious and kept going on and on about it, and asked her if she thought that's what she'd be doing when she first dreamed of being a doctor. I told her she could be a superhero called Dr Bum Rummager and I'd be the sidekick, named Hole in One (after my poor mangled bits), and they could posters of us up in the hospital corridors. She was lovely and humoured me, and I could see the midwife trying her best not to laugh which made me think I was the funniest person ever.

I'm usually shy and easily embarrassed (and not obsessed with bums), so no idea where this stuff came from. I was having the time of my life though!

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 22/03/2017 00:20

It was July during a heatwave, and we couldn't get the bloody window open because it had been screwed shut. The midwives looked like they were about to expire, never mind me, so as all other delivery rooms were full they called maintenance. I was lying there legs akimbo pushing when a bloke wanders in with a tool box, said 'don't mind me, love' and started removing the screws. The window then promptly fell out of its frame on top of him and DH. We got a brief and blessed blast of fresh air and then he screwed it back up and left. So that was a nice ten-minute diversion.

We had also been semi-watching Babylon 5 on my laptop for most of the two days I was in labour, and were midway through the penultimate episode when they decided to take me to theatre. I pleaded with the doctors to let us just finish those two episodes as once the baby was born I'd never have time to watch TV again and wouldn't know how the series ended also I was convinced I was going to die and thought this was a cunning way of playing for time.

thecraftyfox · 22/03/2017 01:20

There was a Yotam Ottolenghi programme on tv in my delivery room. I'd been in labour for about 12 hours at that point and huffed away on the gas and air and had moved on to morphine. All i remember is tomatoes coming out of the TV, thousand of tomatoes cascading out and telling DP to stop them as they were getting everywhere. He had no idea what I was banging on about but I was really worried about the tomatoes

I also told the anaesthetist he was a very beautiful and much loved man and that women everywhere were grateful for his attentions....

weaselwomble · 22/03/2017 03:19

I hope this is allowed... It isn't labour related but drug induced (I think) and funny none the less.
DM was in hospital, having flat-lined and then kept in a coma for a few days to recover. When they finally reduced the sedation and she woke up she was still intubated (?) so she was writing us notes. The first thing she wrote, in extremely wobbly handwriting, was that Peru was a very very bad country. Accompanied by much head shaking. When asked why - "no money for sports". Literally the first thing after us not being sure of she'd survive. I would love to know what she had been dreaming of. Sheer relief had me in hysterics which probably wasn't appropriate on ICU Grin.
She also accused one of the nurses of being extremely menacing towards her and threatening to turn off all her machines. And that we (me and Dad) had fucked off and left her to go and watch a football match while she was sedated. We hadn't but she was absolutely adamant.

Iambubbles86 · 22/03/2017 06:47

I told my 2nd midwife I preferred the 1st midwife as she had smaller hands (in my defence the 2nd midwife did have extremely large hands and the regular checks she had to give me due to preterm labour really hurt), but my God did that woman do a great job when ds1 actually arrived!!

ButtMuncher · 22/03/2017 06:53

I had a section but as I was about to be cut open my heart rate plummeted to 80/40 and my fiancée turned to me and said 'Butt, I'm really scared' as the surgeons tried desperately to get me stable. I remember it and I remember looking at him whilst everyone was nervously laughing at the bloke who was watching his partner crash before they'd even operated and said 'It's okay you daft twat, you're not the one having your insides ripped out' Grin

To be fair I was really scared myself so hearing that my partner was scared made me sort of go into crisis mode and try to make everything OK Grin

PourMeAGlassOfMilk · 22/03/2017 07:52

Giving birth to ds1, we arrived at hospital just as I felt the urge to push so we didn't get chance of any pain relief as there was no gas and air in the assessment room I was in. As he was crowning the midwife poured a jug of cold water over the ring 9f fire and it felt like the best thing 8n the world ever. Just at that moment between contractions the on call doctor popped in to see everything was ok. I looked at her between my spreadeagled legs, baby nearly out and said "I think we went to school together". Which we did! What a time to have a reunion! She was very good about it. Said something like oh yes we were in the same set for maths, looks like everything's going well here, then left. I've never seen her since!

orangeterry · 22/03/2017 08:03

Kicking off because I wasn't allowed to take the sharps bin home Confused

TheLesserOfTwoWeevils · 22/03/2017 08:17

Thought The Beatles were there stood around watching me. Clung on to the bed frame for dear life because I felt like I was going to fall through the bed (not off, through). Kept telling DH he had to be careful because he was going to faceplant at the Sex and the City garden party. I don't remember this bit but he told me that in the middle of my rambling I had a lucid moment where I just paused and said "oh...wait....i think I'm hallucinating, just ignore me!" before going back to yelling at The Beatles to leave. They weren't listening to me.

Isadora2007 · 22/03/2017 08:18

During the horrific pain of a back to back stuck 10lb 14.5 oz ds...I was in the toilet and looking at the white tiled wall. The only way I could make "sense" of the pain I was in was thinking that I was a prisoner of war being tortured for information. So I kept shouting "I don't know anything" to the midwives and DH (who I didn't recognise during contractions but would say "I'm back!" And ask him a million questions about what was going on and how little dd was getting on at home etc in between contractions.

That pain was awful though. I tore the small muscles in my arms hanging from below the raised bed when trying to bear down and push. Which I tried to do for 6 hours before being taken to theatre for a high forceps delivery. I actually was asking them to just kill me by that point. G and A didn't quite cut it... but apparently I was "too close to delivery" for the 6 hours to receive any other pain relief.

Thank feck ds was my fourth and last child.

c3pu · 22/03/2017 08:36

I got squirted with blood when I cut DS1's cord. Blergh.

I did DS2's at arms length, but his water broke over my brand new trainers.

It sucks being a man, I tell thee :D

Gumbo · 22/03/2017 08:51

After every contraction I did a hiccup, then apologised. So it went along the lines of:

Me: "AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgghhh! Hic. Pardon me."
DH & MW: "You really don't need to apologise."
Me: "But it's rude. AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhh. Hic. Pardon me."

For 27 hours! DH & MW just kept looking at each other like this Hmm

MissMess · 22/03/2017 09:05

"Oh my god"
"Oh my god"
"Oh myyyyyy goooood"
I had an unplanned-home-birth birth, and 15 min before my DD was born the ambulance came.
On it was a midwife student, and all I remember is her trotting back and forth in my tiny bathroom a bit panicked saying "oh my god". I whished someone would tell her everything would be OK , becase she seemed so worried. And as I was busy birthing i couldn't say it my self as I was, well, busy doing my own thing 😊

Tobuyornot99 · 22/03/2017 09:07

My mother in law came in to the room when I was in labour (absolutely not pre-planned or wanted), and instead of wondering why the he'll she was there and who let her in, I saw she was wearing the jumper we bought her for Christmas and was very glad that she liked it and had it on.

MrsChopper · 22/03/2017 09:23

Just remembered my MIL visited at the hospital a few days after I had given birth. The nurse came to finally take my catheter out. I politely asked MIL to leave the room and she just said "Oh, its ok!" no it's really not

Anyways, after repeatedly asking her she just looked in another direction. So there I was legs akimbo and the nurse said "There you go!" whilst pulling out the catheter. Hence prompting MIL to turn around and catch a full view of my lady garden Confused I was mortified. DP told her off for me though!

WinterRose92 · 22/03/2017 09:24

These are making me laugh so much!
I remember being on gas and air and I was in my own little bubble but I remember hearing another lady down the corridor from me screaming in pain and I just turned to my fiancee and Mum, shook my head and said, 'pooooooooooor girrrrrrrrrrrllllll . . .' 😂
Also just before I started pushing I apologized to the midwife in case I pooed. As it turns out I have no idea if I did (probably did!) and didn't care while in the throes of pushing!

WinterRose92 · 22/03/2017 09:25

MrsA2015 I agree, that's a brilliant idea!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/03/2017 09:31

High on gas and air, finding it was hilarious that my voice had dropped, which meant I was Alison Moyet.
I thought I was alone in the room, so started singing "we all need a love revelation, a little divine intervention..."
I wasn't alone.
With ds2, we were briefly left alone whilst they agreed that an emcs was the way to go. I bullied dh into trying gas and air as it would be his last chance.
He did. I thought it was hilarious.

Notso · 22/03/2017 09:34

I've posted this before but in labour with DC1, pushing stage
Midwife: "if you reach down you'll be able to feel baby's head"
Me

"oh wow amazing I can feel so much hair"
Midwife: "Erm no love, that's your pubes"
DH:
Me: Blush

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 22/03/2017 10:48

Not so. I cried laughing at that

So glad I started this thread, genuinely cheering me up after a crap weekGrin

OP posts: