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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother selling gifts bought for child - AIBU?

139 replies

FantomPhairy · 21/03/2017 21:24

Genuinely not sure if Aibu.

We bought gifts for toddler dn for combination birthday/xmas in December. All of which have been put up for sale on local social media site by dn's mum all unopened in packaging.

Gifts were toys and age appropriate. Dn loves playing with similar items when visiting us so know they would have been enjoyed.

Now I appreciate with both bday and cmas in December, there may have been surplus gifts but we had put thought into selecting them for dn and if we had have known they were going to be sold, would have gladly donated them instead.

AIBU to be really annoyed that all of these items we had got as gifts for dn have been sold and should I say anything to dn's mum?

OP posts:
boodlethistle · 23/03/2017 18:07

Tell them that next year you will be giving your DN a birthday present in the summer instead. By that time there will be something she will want and it will be appreciated more.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 23/03/2017 18:12

Very rude. My SIL would do the same. Is it possible she wants you to see so you will give vouchers or cash in future? I would bring dn out for a treat in future and tell the mum: you would prefer it instead of giving material gifts.

Happilyinsane · 23/03/2017 18:15

My sil does this but shes a spitful bitch! She sold all her kids santa presents ( her ils bought) before new yr and does it every single yr then spends the money on herself!! Drives me banannas her kids do be heartbroken

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 23/03/2017 18:21

Just saw you outed her on FB. Probably not the best way to deal with it but at least now you know not to waste your money every other time. Spend time with dn instead.

falange · 23/03/2017 18:21

Put a comment on the fb post indicating how lovely they are so she knows you seen them

tiktok · 23/03/2017 18:26

Am I the only one who has read the post where the OP says exactly what she has already written, and posted, on FB?

I can't imagine it's smoothed things over.

pollymere · 23/03/2017 18:39

I do sell things for my dd on Facebook, usually duplicate items. She gets the money to spend on more useless plastic.

Londonsburningahhhh · 23/03/2017 18:45

She posted on FB to be spiteful how dare she sell the toys I picked for dn. I can imagine how dnm feels now if any she knows read it. People will think she got caught out and it looks embarrassing. That could have been what the op was intending to do.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 23/03/2017 18:46

"don't sit writeting on my Facebook trying to be sarcastic next time say it to me in person if there's anything you want to say."

The way she said to you in person that DN had too much stuff so she was going to sell on some of the gifts? Oh, wait, she didn't say anything to you in person but posted them publicly on Facebook.

user1489261248 · 23/03/2017 19:06

Would annoy me tbh.

I would never give this person - or her kids - anything else!

I remember many years ago, I gave a woman who I was fairly friendly with, (used to chat at the school gate a few times a week,) a bunch of my daughter's clothes that she had outgrown. Her daughter was smaller than mine - though the same age, so I knew they would fit her.

I mean like £100 worth.

When I saw her again, she said she had given them to 'Debbie' and 'Lynn' who live near her, as her daughter didn't want them!

I didn't even know these 2 women, as their kids went to a different school, and I was proper pissed off that my daughter's clothes had gone to some kids I didn't even know.

If the woman's child hadn't wanted the clothes, she should have given them back to me imo.

Some people don't deserve your kindness.

Jux · 23/03/2017 19:28

If I wnated to give dn gifts in future, I'd open a bank account for her and put money in it (not give dosh to her mum to put in an account on my behalf). Then I'd make special looking certificate things saying "DN has £xxx pounds in her account from Fantom with love" or some such.

Then when dn gets to 18 I'd give her the cash card/debit card for the account, which by then will be very full of money, just in time for her to party at Uni.

ScarletFever · 23/03/2017 19:31

got to be honest with you, posting on FB is what a lot of us would probably want to do, but hold off doing to avoid a family war....

sometimes people do need pulling up on stuff

BaymaxismyHero · 23/03/2017 19:40

I'd be annoyed if presents were sold. Duplicates or not. Bloody call/text to say oh they already have this can you exchange it.
And if she put it on FB for all to see then she's setting herself up for comments I'm afraid.
She should have had the courtesy to tell you first.

applesareredandgreen · 23/03/2017 19:43

Is it at all posssible that DN's family have money troubles, but that they would not want anybody to know, and would want to hide this, pretend all OK but underneath they are having to raise cash whatever way they can?

pho3be · 23/03/2017 20:08

How old is dn?
My in-laws get round this by giving presents in person then ripping them open/setting them up etc right there & then. Even if id told them dc already had it Angry

Kathandkim1 · 23/03/2017 20:11

Having read all your posts and the messages back and forth, I think yabu.
She has explained to you why she was selling them and that it wasn't just the things you got her but other gifts as well. What makes your particular gifts so special that they should have been kept? You keep saying you put bought into them but most people do. She said in her message to you that she would prefer her daughter to get gifts of vouchers and you're still arguing the point that kids would prefer toys. That may or may not be true but not your call to make.

DJBaggySmalls · 23/03/2017 20:20

Open a savings account for the kid and put the money in there. Give it to them when they are 18.

Badgoushk · 23/03/2017 20:25

Maybe they need the money?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 23/03/2017 20:54

I don't blame the OP for the comment she put on FB. The seller clearly didn't give a monkey's about her feelings. If the DN's mum had said at the time "Thanks for the thought but X already has 3 very similar Frozen toys, do you mind I swap them for something else?" there'd be no harm done, but she didn't. She sold them at a fraction of the cost. Very vexing. I'd be fuming and it would be the last presents I bought for that part of the family, quite frankly.

justlliloleme · 23/03/2017 21:03

I've done it, usually on eBay & never where the 'gifter' would see it.
I appreciate people buying gifts but sometimes there's just no thought & it's not something that's needed or liked.
So I accept gracefully & flog it on eBay to buy something they really want.
Bad manners to do it where you could see it!

Strigoi · 23/03/2017 21:04

I stopped buying sil or the kids presents because she would just sell them all on ebay and I never even got a thank you.

Deidre21 · 23/03/2017 21:23

You are not being unreasonable. It's quite rude, it's different had she said to you they've received duplicates and could they exchange them for something else. As for selling kids items I only sell toys that my child has outgrown and has agreed to sell it or give to a charity. Any money from any of her toys and sometimes clothing always go to her. This money I use if she needs to buy presents for upcoming school friends parties and or school related things such as school trips or tickets for school discos and or school donations. On the other hand perhaps this person needs the money and instead of wanting an exchange if it was a duplicate present she'd prefer the money for whatever use.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 23/03/2017 21:42

Yanbu, she sounds unbelievably rude. I would be really upset, it is ungrateful and mean to deny her child the gifts!! Yes kids do get a lot of stuff but for goodness sake they are not little for long.

hostinthemachine · 23/03/2017 21:55

My sil did this with a gift I had bought her after asking my db what she would like as a birthday present. Lo and behold after an enthusive thanks "just perfect and what I needed" text from her, item sold on eBay for fraction of cost. I know because I bought it back from her! She was gobsmacked and last gift I ever gave her. My db said it was a misunderstanding and all settled down but even now if I give their dc gifts I enclose receipt as I would have done with hers originally if she had been honest with me. As it was I took her present back to shop for a refund

Mazzystarlett · 23/03/2017 21:59

I feel for the SIL to be honest. I've sold unopened Christmas gifts before and I've got some here now that I'll probably sell soon because DS got so much for Christmas/Birthday that he hasn't even opened the boxes of a lot of it and next year I will be telling people to not buy so much (or buy smaller stuff!). HOWEVER, I have (gently) explained the problem and offered the items back to people to resell/regift them first and everyone has been happy with that - probably because a visit has shown just how full of toys this house is!
I think your SIL got it a bit wrong by posting where you would see them, but you really shouldn't have called her out publicly about it.