Mother selling gifts bought for child - AIBU?

[FantomPhairy]

Genuinely not sure if Aibu.

We bought gifts for toddler dn for combination birthday/xmas in December. All of which have been put up for sale on local social media site by dn's mum all unopened in packaging.

Gifts were toys and age appropriate. Dn loves playing with similar items when visiting us so know they would have been enjoyed.

Now I appreciate with both bday and cmas in December, there may have been surplus gifts but we had put thought into selecting them for dn and if we had have known they were going to be sold, would have gladly donated them instead.

AIBU to be really annoyed that all of these items we had got as gifts for dn have been sold and should I say anything to dn's mum?

[robinia]

YANBU.
And I don't thing you were being unreasonable with your first message on FB. It was her response that took it to another level.
Agree with pp that if you do want to carry on buying presents for dn, who after all is blameless in this, then take her out and give the present to her then.
There's no way I would be giving vouchers after dnm's behaviour.

[KirstyLaura]

Coming from someone who has been in your SIL position, with far too many toys with close birthday and Christmas, I still think she's incredibly bloody rude. I totally agree with you it's nice to give children actual presents they will enjoy, so we limited family to one toy from each of them for DS the following year as they really had gone overboard. Honestly I would do absolutely nothing for your nephew next year in the way of gifts or vouchers. If you spend time with him, maybe you could take him to the cinema or zoo or something. I have experienced crappy family relationships too, so whilst I agree with everyone your outburst probably wasn't the best decision, I don't judge you for it. It doesn't sound like there's any love lost so oh well!

[chocolatemademefat]

I wouldn't go past vouchers from now on. YANBU

[Funnyfarmer]

I've done this with duplicate gifts and gifts that have been sat unopened for months so dcs really aren't interested in them my dcs also have birthdays on top of Christmas so we do get a lot of stuff.
Id never do it without informing the giver first though that's just rude.
Also I buy my own dcs stuff in convinced they will love them because they loved something similar but they just never bothered with them so I've either donated or sold on so they can buy something eles with the money

[Sierra259]

I have occasionally sold duplicate or inappropriate gifts in the past (or kept them to be regifted). I would never do it on a forum where the giver could see though, and the money made is always then used to buy the DC something else. I do feel a bit guilty about it, but we simply haven't the space to store stuff that we already have or that the DC show no interest in.

The one time I didn't feel bad about whacking something on eBay was when I had specifically requested a certain type of item not be bought as we had loads. Cue a certain relative producing an almost exact duplicate of one of said items that we already had, while saying "I know you said no "x", but......." More annoying as I'd actually provided some alternative ideas, including vouchers!

[KayTee87]

neem maybe it wasn't for the right season. When ds was born at the end of July we were given 3-6 month summer clothes, he couldn't wear any of them as it was winter by the time they would fit him. I had to give a lot of stuff away.

[Jux]

Kathandkim1, but the gifts were for the dn, not for the sil.

[Cinnamon12345]

Which is why Christmas is just a 'hallmark 'holiday nowadays, only a benefit for the shops sells the products. People get into debt unnecessarily. In future just buy for your own children.

[MaryWhite1234]

Wow - that's massively rude. MASSIVELY.

[user1489677782]

I was told on Christmas day that the gifts I bought were not enough. The gifts for the DCs were given a lot of thought and the type of toys used when DCs visit. I was so hurt. It seems that others would also decide not to give gifts again. Shame for the DCs but then they opened the presents they were cleared away. I dont even know what happened to the gifts. Quite a nasty way to carry on

[Kathandkim1]

Oh my goodness Neem!! You do realise that once you gift somebody something it becomes theirs to do what they want with, even if that means not opening it in the first place?!

[Neem]

My SiL did this. She's really into labels, so when she gave birth to my niece, I made up a hamper of expensive baby clothesmuch more than I have ever bought for my own children. It was all useful stuffdresses, bodysuits, socks, pyjamas, vests, etc. I went to visit her 6 months later, and she had left the hamper unopened, in the playroom. I was livid! She said it wasn't the right 'season', so I asked for it back, regifted it to others in bits and pieces, and gave the baby some cash on her 1st birthday. It was rude and spiteful

[TheNoodlesIncident]

YANBU, because you asked her what to buy dn and she didn't say "Oh she's got tons of stuff, how about some cash for her account/vouchers if that's OK?"
Instead it was I actually did ask if there was anything we could get dn prior to getting anything and was told there was nothing in particular That was her cue to say she was swimming in toys and would struggle to fit more in...

[MadamePomfrey]

It's hard! Is it rude to sell a gift someone has spent time choosing yes! Do kids end up with tons of similar If not exactly the same stuff at birthdays and Christmas yes! Is that far worse when Birthday and Christmas come close together (from experience) yes. As you say the right way to deal with it would be being honest and explaining that they will be selling/returning x so the can do y be that savings or get stuff at a later date etc. Ultimately if the money is being used for Dn in some way I would chalk it up to experience and get vouchers or write a cheque in future.

[Mazzystarlett]

I feel for the SIL to be honest. I've sold unopened Christmas gifts before and I've got some here now that I'll probably sell soon because DS got so much for Christmas/Birthday that he hasn't even opened the boxes of a lot of it and next year I will be telling people to not buy so much (or buy smaller stuff!). HOWEVER, I have (gently) explained the problem and offered the items back to people to resell/regift them first and everyone has been happy with that - probably because a visit has shown just how full of toys this house is!
I think your SIL got it a bit wrong by posting where you would see them, but you really shouldn't have called her out publicly about it.

[hostinthemachine]

My sil did this with a gift I had bought her after asking my db what she would like as a birthday present. Lo and behold after an enthusive thanks "just perfect and what I needed" text from her, item sold on eBay for fraction of cost. I know because I bought it back from her! She was gobsmacked and last gift I ever gave her. My db said it was a misunderstanding and all settled down but even now if I give their dc gifts I enclose receipt as I would have done with hers originally if she had been honest with me. As it was I took her present back to shop for a refund

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

Yanbu, she sounds unbelievably rude. I would be really upset, it is ungrateful and mean to deny her child the gifts!! Yes kids do get a lot of stuff but for goodness sake they are not little for long.

[Deidre21]

You are not being unreasonable. It's quite rude, it's different had she said to you they've received duplicates and could they exchange them for something else. As for selling kids items I only sell toys that my child has outgrown and has agreed to sell it or give to a charity. Any money from any of her toys and sometimes clothing always go to her. This money I use if she needs to buy presents for upcoming school friends parties and or school related things such as school trips or tickets for school discos and or school donations. On the other hand perhaps this person needs the money and instead of wanting an exchange if it was a duplicate present she'd prefer the money for whatever use.

[Strigoi]

I stopped buying sil or the kids presents because she would just sell them all on ebay and I never even got a thank you.

[justlliloleme]

I've done it, usually on eBay & never where the 'gifter' would see it.
I appreciate people buying gifts but sometimes there's just no thought & it's not something that's needed or liked.
So I accept gracefully & flog it on eBay to buy something they really want.
Bad manners to do it where you could see it!

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

I don't blame the OP for the comment she put on FB. The seller clearly didn't give a monkey's about her feelings. If the DN's mum had said at the time "Thanks for the thought but X already has 3 very similar Frozen toys, do you mind I swap them for something else?" there'd be no harm done, but she didn't. She sold them at a fraction of the cost. Very vexing. I'd be fuming and it would be the last presents I bought for that part of the family, quite frankly.

[Badgoushk]

Maybe they need the money?

[DJBaggySmalls]

Open a savings account for the kid and put the money in there. Give it to them when they are 18.

[Kathandkim1]

Having read all your posts and the messages back and forth, I think yabu.
She has explained to you why she was selling them and that it wasn't just the things you got her but other gifts as well. What makes your particular gifts so special that they should have been kept? You keep saying you put bought into them but most people do. She said in her message to you that she would prefer her daughter to get gifts of vouchers and you're still arguing the point that kids would prefer toys. That may or may not be true but not your call to make.

[pho3be]

How old is dn?
My in-laws get round this by giving presents in person then ripping them open/setting them up etc right there & then. Even if id told them dc already had it