Mother selling gifts bought for child - AIBU?

[FantomPhairy]

Genuinely not sure if Aibu.

We bought gifts for toddler dn for combination birthday/xmas in December. All of which have been put up for sale on local social media site by dn's mum all unopened in packaging.

Gifts were toys and age appropriate. Dn loves playing with similar items when visiting us so know they would have been enjoyed.

Now I appreciate with both bday and cmas in December, there may have been surplus gifts but we had put thought into selecting them for dn and if we had have known they were going to be sold, would have gladly donated them instead.

AIBU to be really annoyed that all of these items we had got as gifts for dn have been sold and should I say anything to dn's mum?

Me: Awk did dn not like her wee pressies? I'll give u the receipts next time sure and u can get the full money back instead of selling them on here Hun xx

Dnm: She got far to much for christmas! I've sold loads of stuff because she's far to much and my house is coming down with stuff not just the stuff you got her!, vouchers is the way forward she's not getting any toys next year maybe 1 if she's lucky lol

Me: I can fully appreciate the fact you's got too many toys; what gets me is that we got dn those things as gifts, primarily because she would have enjoyed playing with them. Dd actually has the frozen bath toys and thought dn would have enjoyed playing with them too. To stick them up on a Facebook selling page just seems really ungrateful to be honest. If you's were to get dd or ds something and we just set it to the side and stuck it up for sale how would you feel? Vouchers have their benefits but when it comes to children they'd rather have the toy every time.

Dnm: There is no ungrateful about it. We have even sold toys that we got her ourselfs because we got to much.i wouldn't mind what you did with them because at the end of the day it's up to you what you wanna do with them, when they get sold the money goes into a saving account it's not like the money going to me not that that's anybodys bussiness, don't sit writeting on my Facebook trying to be sarcastic next time say it to me in person if there's anything you want to say.

Me: Fair enough but if you had have asked you could have got the full amount back to go in to her savings account rather than what looks like less than a quarter. It's not even about the money, in fact I would have gladly given you the money for these things and donated them somewhere where they'd be appreciated. I just think it's rude putting things up for sale in plain sight of the whoever got them. Pretty sure you would have had something to say if we'd have done that with something you's had got but whatever.

When my ds receive gifts from family, I normally take photo of him playing/wearing gifts and send it to them.

Maybe you can request her to send the photo of your DN playing wih the toy you gave her!(Am I really mean and twisted!?)

I'd open them from the packaging and give them directly to the child in this instance.

They don't belong to the parents and aren't theirs to sell, just like cash or voucher gifts aren't theirs to spend as they want.

Wow, so she's selling them for a third of what you paid? I'd be fucking livid wasting my money.

No gifts is the way forward. You know, to ensure she doesn't have too much again.

Christ, we give gifts to bring joy to the recipient- takes the piss the recipient never even knew about it and you wasted your hard earned money!

ex post!

*cross post!

You say your niece's name in your last post.

Next time give her a book and write a personal message on the first page. That way it doesn't sell well.

Don't give her gifts anymore. Just save it yourself and give it to her when she is older!

Thanks uni

No, i don't think this is an issue. Does it make a difference if she sells on gumtree or eBay. Sometimes you get too many presents. Sometimes the present is nice but the child just isn't interested?
I wouldn't take it so personally.

Hmm it's difficult - in your case I think YANBU, your SIL has not been at all discreet about it, a bit of an arse and you are understandably hurt.
You were good enough to ask what to buy, she had a perfect opportunity to request vouchers or a donation to DN's account then if she wanted.
A way round it is to open the gifts with DN next time rip all the packaging up too!

Otoh, mine get millions of lovely toys, far too many and lots can be very similar (e.g. 4 more happy land sets) if I can take some back and swap for a credit note- I do.
Same with duplicates.
We also send a lot to local refuges.
I would never broadcast it to the lovely givers though.

How about taking DN out for her birthday/Christmas next year? If you take her to a show or for a film, meal or activity as a treat, DN will have nice memories of spending time with you. That doesn't take up space, can't be duplicated and can't be sold on.

This would annoy me too. Extremely rude.

Did you write all that on her FB page OP?

Angelica - I commented it on the post where she was selling the gifts we got. (Sold at the beginning of the month)

Publicly? On her wall? Where other people could see it?

Oh dear.

You shouldn't have posted it there.

OP if that is word for word your communication then your SIS/SIL is incredibly ungrateful and rude! I am going to guess she is SIL as I just can't comprehend a sister having that much disregard for your gifts. I would be having a strong word with my brother or asking dh to have a strong word with his brother! It is incredibly hurtful to have gifts you have lovingly picked for a family member disregarded this way. For her to not even feel embarrassed or offer an apology is incredibly rude!

I remember every Christmas and birthday my Mum and Dad would pick out some really thoughtful gifts for my Dads Mum. Every year it would have the same response, oh that's lovely, can I have the receipt please. My Mum hated it and couldn't even get it right by giving vouchers or money, 'oh did you not have time to go gift shopping?'

Next time it's dn birthday or Christmas ask your dd to help your dn to open and play with her gifts. Then offer to tidy the mess up, including the packaging obviously. If they refuse just smile sweetly at sil and say 'oh you can't do that to dd, she helped me pick these gifts and has been so looking forward to playing with her cousin/ seeing her open them.'

My step sister sold gifts that my stepfather and my Mum had given her children. They saw them listed on EBay. Perhaps the kids didn't like them. Step-sister is fairly affluent and my parents quite poor. They stopped giving presents after that - just asked what vouchers they wanted.

How awkward for everyone involved. Why would you air this so publicly? Just, why?

Whatever high ground you might have had before is now gone.

Whoops on the public social media conversation. Any moral high ground you thought you had just evaporated with the passive aggressive first post.

I actually think your Dnm was incredibly restrained in her response, maybe because she was more mindful that it was being uploaded publicly on social media.

Uni I read that as Abbey National bank account - does that even exist anymore?

Santander!! (Thanks google)

Oh my, when I suggested speaking gently to her, I was thinking on the phone or in person not posting it on a selling page for all to see!

My DM and stepdad gave my DCous a makeup bag one birthday, the next Christmas my aunt and uncle gave me the same makeup bag back, rather grubbier!