Mother selling gifts bought for child - AIBU?

[FantomPhairy]

Genuinely not sure if Aibu.

We bought gifts for toddler dn for combination birthday/xmas in December. All of which have been put up for sale on local social media site by dn's mum all unopened in packaging.

Gifts were toys and age appropriate. Dn loves playing with similar items when visiting us so know they would have been enjoyed.

Now I appreciate with both bday and cmas in December, there may have been surplus gifts but we had put thought into selecting them for dn and if we had have known they were going to be sold, would have gladly donated them instead.

AIBU to be really annoyed that all of these items we had got as gifts for dn have been sold and should I say anything to dn's mum?

[MadamePomfrey]

It's hard! Is it rude to sell a gift someone has spent time choosing yes! Do kids end up with tons of similar If not exactly the same stuff at birthdays and Christmas yes! Is that far worse when Birthday and Christmas come close together (from experience) yes. As you say the right way to deal with it would be being honest and explaining that they will be selling/returning x so the can do y be that savings or get stuff at a later date etc. Ultimately if the money is being used for Dn in some way I would chalk it up to experience and get vouchers or write a cheque in future.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

YANBU, because you asked her what to buy dn and she didn't say "Oh she's got tons of stuff, how about some cash for her account/vouchers if that's OK?"
Instead it was I actually did ask if there was anything we could get dn prior to getting anything and was told there was nothing in particular That was her cue to say she was swimming in toys and would struggle to fit more in...

[Neem]

My SiL did this. She's really into labels, so when she gave birth to my niece, I made up a hamper of expensive baby clothesmuch more than I have ever bought for my own children. It was all useful stuffdresses, bodysuits, socks, pyjamas, vests, etc. I went to visit her 6 months later, and she had left the hamper unopened, in the playroom. I was livid! She said it wasn't the right 'season', so I asked for it back, regifted it to others in bits and pieces, and gave the baby some cash on her 1st birthday. It was rude and spiteful

[Kathandkim1]

Oh my goodness Neem!! You do realise that once you gift somebody something it becomes theirs to do what they want with, even if that means not opening it in the first place?!

[user1489677782]

I was told on Christmas day that the gifts I bought were not enough. The gifts for the DCs were given a lot of thought and the type of toys used when DCs visit. I was so hurt. It seems that others would also decide not to give gifts again. Shame for the DCs but then they opened the presents they were cleared away. I dont even know what happened to the gifts. Quite a nasty way to carry on

[MaryWhite1234]

Wow - that's massively rude. MASSIVELY.

[Cinnamon12345]

Which is why Christmas is just a 'hallmark 'holiday nowadays, only a benefit for the shops sells the products. People get into debt unnecessarily. In future just buy for your own children.

[Jux]

Kathandkim1, but the gifts were for the dn, not for the sil.

[KayTee87]

neem maybe it wasn't for the right season. When ds was born at the end of July we were given 3-6 month summer clothes, he couldn't wear any of them as it was winter by the time they would fit him. I had to give a lot of stuff away.

[Sierra259]

I have occasionally sold duplicate or inappropriate gifts in the past (or kept them to be regifted). I would never do it on a forum where the giver could see though, and the money made is always then used to buy the DC something else. I do feel a bit guilty about it, but we simply haven't the space to store stuff that we already have or that the DC show no interest in.

The one time I didn't feel bad about whacking something on eBay was when I had specifically requested a certain type of item not be bought as we had loads. Cue a certain relative producing an almost exact duplicate of one of said items that we already had, while saying "I know you said no "x", but......." More annoying as I'd actually provided some alternative ideas, including vouchers!

[Funnyfarmer]

I've done this with duplicate gifts and gifts that have been sat unopened for months so dcs really aren't interested in them my dcs also have birthdays on top of Christmas so we do get a lot of stuff.
Id never do it without informing the giver first though that's just rude.
Also I buy my own dcs stuff in convinced they will love them because they loved something similar but they just never bothered with them so I've either donated or sold on so they can buy something eles with the money

[chocolatemademefat]

I wouldn't go past vouchers from now on. YANBU

[KirstyLaura]

Coming from someone who has been in your SIL position, with far too many toys with close birthday and Christmas, I still think she's incredibly bloody rude. I totally agree with you it's nice to give children actual presents they will enjoy, so we limited family to one toy from each of them for DS the following year as they really had gone overboard. Honestly I would do absolutely nothing for your nephew next year in the way of gifts or vouchers. If you spend time with him, maybe you could take him to the cinema or zoo or something. I have experienced crappy family relationships too, so whilst I agree with everyone your outburst probably wasn't the best decision, I don't judge you for it. It doesn't sound like there's any love lost so oh well!

[robinia]

YANBU.
And I don't thing you were being unreasonable with your first message on FB. It was her response that took it to another level.
Agree with pp that if you do want to carry on buying presents for dn, who after all is blameless in this, then take her out and give the present to her then.
There's no way I would be giving vouchers after dnm's behaviour.