Mother selling gifts bought for child - AIBU?

[FantomPhairy]

Genuinely not sure if Aibu.

We bought gifts for toddler dn for combination birthday/xmas in December. All of which have been put up for sale on local social media site by dn's mum all unopened in packaging.

Gifts were toys and age appropriate. Dn loves playing with similar items when visiting us so know they would have been enjoyed.

Now I appreciate with both bday and cmas in December, there may have been surplus gifts but we had put thought into selecting them for dn and if we had have known they were going to be sold, would have gladly donated them instead.

AIBU to be really annoyed that all of these items we had got as gifts for dn have been sold and should I say anything to dn's mum?

[WanderingTrolley1]

Yanbu.

How disrespectful.

[Letmesleepalready]

I don't know, if she's only just sold them she may have forgotten who gave them to DN. And I'd be a bit put out if gifts came with conditions. I also know just how quickly toys become unmanageable and once introduced with the kid much harder to get rid of.
As for donating vs selling surely that's up to them? They might need the money.
Also my kids love playing with specific toys when out of the house, but when we bought some they never touched them.

[MissGoggins]

I actually did ask if there was anything we could get dn prior to getting anything and was told there was nothing in particular.

Maybe she was trying to politely hint towards a voucher or savings bonds. Baby's and toddlers get far too much and I know I get quite uncomfortable with all the plastic stuff.

I tend to 'buy' some stuff off Dd to regift, and put the money in her saving account. Her future is more important than a room full of so much stuff - it is overwhelming.

I think she could have been more discreet, but then again maybe that is just sneaky on my part and she is owning her convictions. I wouldn't have done it her way, but I would have 'deprived' Dd of some unnecessary toys in order to add to her nest egg.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Why not contact the parents and ask what the deal is? You don't need to get upset - even though I would be. Simply ask what they'd prefer to give to your dn as you noticed all the presents were up for sale. Or tell them what you are going to do in the future e.g. Give money. Personally I'd think about setting up some kind of trust fund and putting money in that (so the parents won't have access) and giving one gift in future. Very very rude.

[toomuchfaster]

I would be pissed off. In the past, 2 of my SILs have done this. One on FB, one giving me a box of stuff for our car-boot sale! It made me very sad so I'm very careful to do it when/where people won't find out. I haven't done it for DD yet, most things are being stored for 'the next one'. I think timing is a big issue, very hurtful to be doing it so soon.

[haveacupoftea]

I'd be a bit annoyed but presumably there is a reason. Just shove £20 in a card this year. It's a bit annoying hearing parents complain about how much stuff has been given to their kids when you've spent all year spending money on thoughtful gifts for small relatives, although i do understand lack of space issuess. Money is the only gift thats always appreciated and doesn't get in the way.

[Mouikey]

I'd ask her about it and explain that you're hurt (could it possibly be duplicates that someone else bought?).

But the devil in me says to post that you're interested in the toys on the fb selling site for your dn! Passive aggressive I know and probably wouldn't help relationships but I'd find it hard to resist!! 😉

[Falafelings]

If unwanted, it would have been better for her to pass it to charity or rewrap it for a friends childs gift.

You were being thoughtful and kind but maybe they really don't need anything. And don't like excess. Could you ask if your niece has a savings account? Or maybe you could start one for her?

[Falafelings]

It can be quite difficult when people buy large things and they take up space

[rightsofwomen]

It's rude and I would be very upset.

If they are duplicate gifts then she should tell you so you know what she's changing it for (so you end up knowing what you've ended up getting as a present).

If it's too many things then it's just vulgar - unless the kid has a massive family then one gift for birthday and Xmas should be fine. I can understand a huge pile in one go could be a problem, so just put some aside for another time.

I'd be really upset if I saw something I'd taken time and effort to buy for someone being sold.

[user789653241]

I think it's very rude that they sell it on where you can see.
I would mention that I felt hurt, and next time, just give money(not a lot) next time.

[chickenjalfrezi]

Going to go against the grain here and say I don't think it's that bad. Yes should be hidden but it's hardly crime of the century.

Do you have children OP?

I regularly put gifts from DC friends aside to be regifted (not sold) as children get so many at parties and it irritates me to accumulate so much 'stuff' when in reality the less choice they have the more they tend to cherish and enjoy things.

I'd just go with giving money to be honest (in cheque) to your DN so that this issue doesn't arise again.

[TaliDiNozzo]

It's bad behaviour imo, especially as it's been done in a way so you could see it. I would offer a day out instead of presents in the future and I would tell the parents why.

[Notso]

I know you say they weren't duplicates but perhaps although they weren't exact replicas DN already had lots of that kind of toy. Small world Happyland type sets and bath toys are pretty standard items that most toddlers have and there's only so much people can keep.

I agree it seems indiscreet for her to sell them under your nose as it were and I can see why your upset. Maybe you should speak gently to DN's Mum and tell her how you feel rather than just feeling resentful. I'd say why your upset and tell her you'd rather she had just asked for the receipt to exchange.

[KayTee87]

She's rude to do it publicly and also selling something she didn't even pay for is a bit off I think. I have given away gifts I've been given for my 7mo ds though as we have been given an incredible amount of stuff and no way we could use it / store it all.

[tribpot]

Is dn's mum your sister? Your SIL? Or your DP's family? If the latter, he needs to tackle this.

There could be any number of reasons for selling the stuff, such as financial desperation, but equally it could be plain rudeness. I would certainly call them out on it in terms like 'oh, I'm sorry to see you're selling the presents we bought, were they not what you were looking for?' but I would contribute only gift vouchers in future unless you're actually handing the present directly to the child to open at a party. Or ask for the details of dn's Junior ISA so you can pay the money straight to them (and it cannot be retrieved by the parents).

[Littlefoxy]

I think I'd be upset if they werent duplicates. If they were i wouldn't have an issue. Although with my SIL I'd be happy for her to tell me so I could return it & get something else. tbh I am planning on selling duplicate gifts & clothes DD grows out of so that I can buy her new things she can get use of. I've a number of things people bought her that she was already too big for/duplicates etc. But she's 5 months now so I'm hoping when I do post them for sale it's been long enough since people bought them to be acceptable.

[MuseumOfCurry]

She probably has too much stuff and not enough money. Logical solution.

I really wouldn't get worked up over it, although it is a teensy bit rude.

[NapQueen]

Its rude.

Id maybe message and say "just saw some stuff we bought dn up for sale on X Page, next year could you give us an idea of what to get him so we dont choose something that isnt wanted or is a duplicate?"

[Trollspoopglitter]

I'd definitely forward it to her and gush about being so sorry I didn't include a gift receipt for the "duplicates."

And stick a five pound note in a card next year or insist the gifts are opened by child in front of you because you want to see his happy face. :-)

[chickenjalfrezi]

tribpot why would the OP's DP need to sort if it is his family? Presumably everyone is a grown up and OP is the one that's bothered...

[TheFirstMrsDV]

People will try and justify it and maybe they are right.
But I think its very rude and greedy.

I accept that opinion is only based on how I feel about it.

We have a very busy local sale and swap page. Its a great place and people behave very well. Its amazing compared to the other ones I have seen.
It seems to be made up of the affluent incomers to the area.
On Christmas Day it is awash with 'unwanted gifts'. Seriously, they go straight up the moment they are opened.

I can't see how that is anything other than ungrateful and rude.

[P1nkP0ppy]

DSis's exDIL sells anything the DC take home after staying with their dad, new clothes, shoes, toys etc. regardless of whether it's birthday, Christmas or any when else.

[Trainspotting1984]

My BIL & SIL do this. It's really bloody rude because BIL
Tells you exactly why he doesn't want it -"I won't use it" "we have something similar" etc. Then does it. I have no problem with exchanging with gift receipt but actually don't tell me about it- have a bit of class and do it quietly eh?

[Only1scoop]

I'd certainly hint that you'd seen it to.