To be really angry with DH

[Motherslittlehinderance22]

NC. Bit of history. My DH and myself are "drinkers" and have over the years used drugs recreationally. We appear as nice middle class family.
A few years ago my DH developed a bit of a coke habit. I took it sometimes too but could take it or leave it. I gave him an ultimatum (his family or the drug) when I could see him getting out of control and he quit.
Fast forward 10!years and I have health issues that are preventing me from working. I was prescribed Valium for pain, (28 pills in total) which I stopped taking a few weeks ago but still had about 22 pills left.
I told DH I was taking one last week to help me sleep.....he decided to take a couple just for the hell of it. No big deal. Don't judge.
I left the open packets on the kitchen counter.
I just caught sight of them tonight and noticed they were looking a bit empty.......there are 3 pills left.
I'm furious with him for taking MY medication for starters and for being irresponsible taking a highly addictive drug without telling me, given his previous issues.
I really don't know how to approach this with him. I want to go ballistic at him but don't think this is the right approach as he'll just get defensive.
Any ideas?

I don't think it's helpful to shout labels like "junkie" at people, whether they're "like Renton from Trainspotting" or the epitome of a middle class coke addict. It's just an attempt to shame someone, and cow them into feeling like shit. Yeah people can be addicted no matter what their background or circumstances.

I do think it's concerning your DP has got through that amount of benzos in a short space of time, OP. Valium is very addictive indeed. You don't have to take it every day for it to become problematic.

with no signs that he has had any issues since.

Other than him taking 16 Valium that aren't his and then lying about it?

Yes 10 years after he quit a short period of having too many drug fuelled weekends, he took some valium. Your point is?

Again I say that taking a small amount of valium does not make you a drug addict nor does it make you.

Some people find it hard to stop eating a big bag of crisps once opened or that one glass of wine (or three) once started. It does not on its own make them morbidly obese or an alcoholic. It does not mean they will be confined to bed in the first instance or end up an alcoholic on the street in the second.

and lots of people take drugs "just because" without being addicts

Of course. But have all those people required an ultimatum to stop taking drugs (coke or your family!!) have all those people stolen someone else's prescribed drugs? Have all those people then lied about taking them?

You don't have to take on board anything I am saying, of course you don't, but the facts say a lot. And you are minimising in comparison to how you were at the start of the thread. It's no skin of my nose either way and it's your family's business how you deal with it but be honest with yourself about the situation or I think you might find this happening regularly.

Your point is?

As above.

Thousands of people take recreational drugs. Clearly they're not on Mumsnet.

Actually I've been thinking about this and even without the backstory, let's say we didn't know any of that, I still think it's worrying that someone would take between 8-16 of their partner's Valium for no reason. The lying is an added indicator of there being a problem.

What is she supposed to do, hide them under lock and key?

She lives with children and a partner with substance abuse issues, fuck yes she should have them under lock and key! For the very reason she's complaining about. 8 pills unaccounted for, really! He took them.

You're in denial and a hypocrite. You live with an addict, accept it and behave accordingly.

isetan there are no children at home.
In my OP I asked for advice not judgement.

OP yes you asked for advice on how to deal with him. But the title of your thread is 'AIBU to be really angry with DH?' You said that you were furious with him and wanted to go ballistic. A number of posters are explaining why they feel that on all of the above, given the circumstances, YABU. And if YABU the that changes the perspective on how you deal with him.

There is no requirement on MN to answer your very specific question whilst ignoring all other aspects of your posts. And tbh you sound very ambivalent about drug and alcohol use, sometimes seeming to condone it, sometimes to condemn it. I hope the responses on here have given you lots of things to clarify in your head, not just turn defensive.

YOU DO NOT TAKE THE ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU,

Even if you think hes not a addict,You must see whats going on in your home is wrong .You say your son is tee total.I would say,that is prob what he has seen growing up in a home with parents who are addicts but cant see it .

You seem like you know the truth but cant face it .

Are you scared of him .Are you ok ?

I also agree with you lots of people take drugs for the hell of it,but big but they dnt lie or steal them if they are on controll of the situation.

I do belive people can use them with out problems but most cant .

Wish you the best of luck thou .

Well done op glad you sorted things out! Ignore the more extreme messages....everyone is a saint here

MN is indeed surprisingly lacking in posters that occasionally indulge in recreational drugs but very well appointed with posters happy to give polemical views on matters entirely outside of their experience.

Great so now we are both addict ffs.
So sorted it out. Big long chat with DH.
He admits he took the unaccounted ones....he just didn't think he'd taken that many when I first asked him about it.
He apologised for making me angry and worried.
He feels a bit stupid and embarrassed for taking what he thought were sleeping pills (his friend takes them legally to help him sleep.)
He didn't know that diazepam is Valium.
He didn't get a buzz from them. Just felt sleepy (he's been having trouble sleeping.)
He agreed it's stupid to take a drug when you don't know what it actually is.
He agrees it was wrong to take my pills regardless of whether or not he thought I'd finished with them. He didn't "steal" them. He just took them because he thought I was done with them.

You've just outed yourself, OP.

Maybe not, that's weird, it's not in green...

OP, he did steal them! He took something that wasn't his and then lied about it!
You saying "he agrees" (more than once in your last post) just sounds like he's saying what you want to hear or just agreeing with you blindly. Sorry op but I think you're in denial.

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