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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry with DH

168 replies

Motherslittlehinderance22 · 20/03/2017 21:05

NC. Bit of history. My DH and myself are "drinkers" and have over the years used drugs recreationally. We appear as nice middle class family.
A few years ago my DH developed a bit of a coke habit. I took it sometimes too but could take it or leave it. I gave him an ultimatum (his family or the drug) when I could see him getting out of control and he quit.
Fast forward 10!years and I have health issues that are preventing me from working. I was prescribed Valium for pain, (28 pills in total) which I stopped taking a few weeks ago but still had about 22 pills left.
I told DH I was taking one last week to help me sleep.....he decided to take a couple just for the hell of it. No big deal. Don't judge.
I left the open packets on the kitchen counter.
I just caught sight of them tonight and noticed they were looking a bit empty.......there are 3 pills left.
I'm furious with him for taking MY medication for starters and for being irresponsible taking a highly addictive drug without telling me, given his previous issues.
I really don't know how to approach this with him. I want to go ballistic at him but don't think this is the right approach as he'll just get defensive.
Any ideas?

OP posts:
FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 21:41

How do you know it was your DH and not your kids if they are left lying on the kitchen counters??

Annesmyth123 · 20/03/2017 21:43

In my case, My drugs are in the bathroom cabinet but all DC over 18

FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 21:44

Surely he'd know diazepam is addictive if he has previously used other stuff??

LoveDeathPrizes · 20/03/2017 21:46

Why is OP getting flamed for this?

FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 21:46

You do not take 20mg of Diazepam "just for the hell of it" What did he want to happen? Had you both been drinking?

LoveDeathPrizes · 20/03/2017 21:47

I mean, how is it her fault that her husband has taken more? Why was it down to her to slap his wrist the first time he did it? He's a grown man.

FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 21:48

Why is OP getting flamed for this?

Her lackadaisical attitude to what has happened, the fact she let her husband take TWO 10mg diazepam pills whilst knowing they are highly addictive, and knowing he's previously had a substance misuse problem for which she gave him an ultimatum, the fact the tablets were just left lying on the kitchen counter where her husband (and children?) had them in sight and in easy reach...

FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 21:50

Why was it down to her to slap his wrist the first time he did it?

You are responsible for the medication you are prescribed. Not your husband. You store it safely, you make sure only you takes it (particularly with a previous history of substance misuse from a partner combined with a highly addictive drug).

feedingducks · 20/03/2017 21:50

'I thought he just had a problem with coke'....that's ok then www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/11.gif.pagespeed.ce.w3SwuqwArR.gif

exAddictsWife · 20/03/2017 21:50

I mean, how is it her fault that her husband has taken more? Why was it down to her to slap his wrist the first time he did it? He's a grown man.

No. He's an addict. It's like opening a bottle of vintage in front of an alcoholic and being pissed off if they took a sip.

LoveDeathPrizes · 20/03/2017 21:50

Okay I get the safety point but didn't he know what he was taking?

LoveDeathPrizes · 20/03/2017 21:51

Yeah okay I can see both sides.

ZilphasHatpin · 20/03/2017 21:51

how is it her fault that her husband has taken more?

It's not. Her question asked if she was being UR to be angry with him. She is IMO. She gave him permission to take them then left them lying there. She can't really be surprised an addict sought took drugs that were left right under his nose every day!

Goldfishjane · 20/03/2017 22:01

He clearly has no idea how hard it is to get
Suppose you need it, you were prescribed it! I'd be furious about him taking your meds regardless of who did what in the past.

FlappinSwazy · 20/03/2017 22:03

He clearly has no idea how hard it is to get

You can get it from anyone dealing drugs. Given his past, I am sure he knows exactly where to get it from.

feedingducks · 20/03/2017 22:07

The only person responsible for an addicts behaviour is the addict. One of the key traits of addiction is blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. This man is exactly that, a grown man. He is also an addict. He chose to take those pills. Just as an alcoholic who is dry chooses to open a bottle of wine. It is in no way the OPs fault he nicked her pills. He chose to take two of hers. It doesn't matter if she was offering him smack, it is his choice and free will which control his own actions.

AnyFucker · 20/03/2017 22:08

Are there children in the house ?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 20/03/2017 22:10

Surprised you spat out your tea at the he is a junkie comment, he is a junkie.

BonnyScotland · 20/03/2017 22:10

is this serious ? I mean... really ???

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 20/03/2017 22:13

If he had a coke habit, I'm pretty sure he knows what Valium is, how addictive it is and where to buy it (not legally)!

BarbarianMum · 20/03/2017 22:18

Really ducks ? I think it's pretty irresponsible and also quite mean to put temptation in the path of an addict.

wherethewildthingis · 20/03/2017 22:19

OP has committed a criminal offence actually which is probably part of why she's getting flamed... that and the incredibly dangerous lackadaisical attitude to medication in a house with children in it.

JayneAusten · 20/03/2017 22:20

You sound like you make up the rules as you go along. You take coke from time to time but then ban him from all coke. You let him take your prescription medication but then get upset because he takes more than you wanted him to.

You also need to tell your healthcare provider that you are a drug addict so that they don't prescribe you anything similar in future. Clearly neither of you are capable of handling it.

feedingducks · 20/03/2017 22:22

But she's not being mean. Her drugs are prescribed for a health problem. She needs them for illness. What is she supposed to do, hide them under lock and key? She can't hide every pill she takes just in case he wants to try them. If he does it's his decision not hers. This is why addicts stay addicts, because they want to blame anyone except themselves for their habits. If anyone is to blame for the fact he's used all her pills, then it's him.

NavyandWhite · 20/03/2017 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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