To be really angry with DH

[Motherslittlehinderance22]

NC. Bit of history. My DH and myself are "drinkers" and have over the years used drugs recreationally. We appear as nice middle class family.
A few years ago my DH developed a bit of a coke habit. I took it sometimes too but could take it or leave it. I gave him an ultimatum (his family or the drug) when I could see him getting out of control and he quit.
Fast forward 10!years and I have health issues that are preventing me from working. I was prescribed Valium for pain, (28 pills in total) which I stopped taking a few weeks ago but still had about 22 pills left.
I told DH I was taking one last week to help me sleep.....he decided to take a couple just for the hell of it. No big deal. Don't judge.
I left the open packets on the kitchen counter.
I just caught sight of them tonight and noticed they were looking a bit empty.......there are 3 pills left.
I'm furious with him for taking MY medication for starters and for being irresponsible taking a highly addictive drug without telling me, given his previous issues.
I really don't know how to approach this with him. I want to go ballistic at him but don't think this is the right approach as he'll just get defensive.
Any ideas?

Wow, you've had a roasting, eek! I agree that your husband needs support. However, I'd be asking him to tell the truth, blaming your son is pretty low and concerning. He is struggling and needs help. Would he accept it?

*Aqui
*
Yes. Good post.

Because of my DH: I still don't sleep properly and sometimes that mirtazapine in the cupboard is so damn tempting. 8 hours deep sleep knock out, bliss. But I won't. I don't judge your circumstances though. OPs situation is different again, she needed to take those meds but has been a little bit dismissive about them around her DH. Bit of a balls up but I think she's got it now. No need to bash her, this is a very complex dynamic and unless you've been there, or lived with someone who has been there it's very easy to say "you shouldn't, just do this, just do that, he's responsible, you're responsible".

When I was young I had a few spliffs. I have to say I hated it. Hated the effect on me, being out of control. But I'd swallow ADs like no tomorrow previously and drink wine. Was I any better? Due to my DH I've decided to scrap my drugs too, albeit prescribed.

We do partake in wine though.....

@Mother im extremly dyslexic .Not drunk i dont drink or take drugs. But i used to talk to people everyday that have over come addictions still have them in a job i did etc .I can spot an addict mile away
Any man who would lie over drugs is a junkie but with you there to top him.up as and when you see fit he will never stop .

Stop kidding yourself with your "Middel class " crap your fooling no_one .no one cares if your jeremy kyle worthy or live in a big house with a 4×4 or volvo A junkie is a junkie no matter what you class yourself as.

Wake up

The truth hurts love. id be so ashamed of my huaband if he stole my pill them blamed our adult kids or made me think i was mad this is not normal behaviour .this is behaviour of an addict.

Your responses make you sound like a right knob. Bitchy, stupid and plain childish. Your whole attitude to your situation and people's responses to it is actually genuinely quite sad.

Dear OP - people are really over the top judgemental of you. Quite nasty. I do think kindness is an under-rated virtue on MN. What happened to women being supportive of each other?

I hope you can get to the bottom of it with him and get beyond his lying.

I don't think theres evidence from what you said that he's an addict but he clearly has got close to having a serious problem in the past and the lying is just not good - not taking responsibility for his actions. And there are serious risks from his behaviour and his capacity for self restraint. You do need to warn him and remind him of the risks associated with his past patterns.

I would personally never take any medication not prescribed for me or offer anyone else anything I've ever been prescribed (not that I have been). I'm often shocked how many people self medicate - buying prescription drugs off the internet - say for stress, sleep deprivation or sleeping on a long haul flight. I cant understand how that becomes normalised.

There is a slippery slope you are right to be worried about. I hope you find a way through.

Empty why do you feel the need to keep bandying around the word junkie? OP there are some really supportive substance related threads, aibu isn't the best place for serious advice.

Addicts need support, not vilification.

Op I'd be pretty pissed off but it's a bit of a tricky one when you gave him the go ahead to take a couple, which it's obvious that you regret. Yes it was irresponsible to do but he's also an adult with a responsibility for himself. Luckily you were prescribed a very small dose to help with muscle relaxing therefore pain relief rather than as a sleep aid. Other than what's been repeatedly point out on this thread the issue I see is the 'missing ' tablets. Would there be a chance he had a drink too and genuinely lost track of how many he took? His answer obviously has a huge impact...please think carefully before acting on this and be sure he is lying . I really hope you can both work it out, yes you've both been irresponsible but i really can't imagine there are that many saints on this thread. In future just keep meds for the person they are prescribed for and in the prescribed dose

It is fascinating to read threads like this from start to finish. The responses get more and more vitriolic when the OP is not appropriately ashamed or sheepish.

Your husband lying about taking the medication is bad, OP. Obviously an 'everything in moderation' approach doesn't work for him, and you need to proceed accordingly. Zero tolerance.

Hardly surprising with the example his parents have set him.

What does that even mean? What has he witnessed?

I apologise for being full of judgement earlier in the thread. Reading your post again, I do see what happened with your husband taking your left over packet of prescription pills is not how I made it out, but just a small slip after many years.

I hope you can work things out with your husband, so you will be assured he is not getting addicted again.

Wow so many judgemental posters in this thread. Yes your husband is a hopeless drug addict you should leave him/lock him up/ call the police.

I wonder how many of these posters so quick to judge would think nothing of drinking around their children or drinking 3 bottles of wine a week. Alcohol is by a country mile the drug that costs society and the NHS the most money.

For those of you blaming the decline of the NHS on the OP please instead look at recent government policies and the decline of funding and how previous state owned assets have been driven into the ground in order to privatise them. Make them broken then privatise them and make loads of cash for certain people in the process.

To my knowledge there is not a single drug that will cause any kind of dependency without substantial use. 9 tablets is not extensive use of what is a fairly harmless drug prescribed to millions.

It really feels like so many posters here live under a rock and get their ideas about proscription and illegal drugs from the DM.

OP your DH actions are really not a big deal. He was thoughtless but this is really not something to have a massive row about.

We are such a progressive country in many ways but some of the general views about certain areas like drugs are so backwards no wonder we have such issues and high rate of usage with so much disinformation.

How many posters on here have any experience of drugs?

I was a routine coke dabbler but that stopped a couple of years after my first child and many of my set were certainly headed to addiction. Ten years later i had a blow out weekend last year with a girlfriend that was just fantastic but it'll be another 10 years before i do it again.

I'd take a couple of valium for kicks, if they were in front of me. There will be a term for it but i probably am just simply a bit of a risk taker. Bizatrely, i don't drink much and never unless we are out or entertaining.

However, OP, it sounds like your DH was much closer to drug reliance and you both need to be aware and restrict access accordingly.

Actually I feel drinking is equally as bad. Withrawal from alcohol is life threatening whereas heroin withdrawal is difficult but safer. It is more socially avceptable to drink but equally as damaging to children

Yes YABU to be angry or in any way surprised that your H did exactly what you'd allowed him to do last week.

YA also BU to get annoyed at the harsh responses you've had asking a question about recreational drug taking on the AIBU section of a parenting website. What did you expect?!

She probably expected a bit of understanding and support instead of being blamed for her dh's actions. Hes not a child?! Him asking to take two pills isnt her fault : he chose to do that knowing hes had issues before. She didnt realise-perhaps wrongly-that he is an addict, she thought hed got over that years ago. FGS hes an adult. Addicts have to want to stop themselves instead of passing responsibility to everyone else.OP keep your medication hidden in future but dont blame yourself. Yanbu to be angry he stole your pills.

It's difficult as you didn't reprimand him for the first 2 he took, he likely saw it as no big deal, but you're right some people get addicted, I've heard of people on Valium since an early age say 20's in their 50's unable to wean down. Hopefully he hasn't developed a tolerance or addiction. I'd warn him it's really not a medication to mess about with.

It does sound like he gets hooked pretty quick. With most addictions there's an underlying issue as to why the person takes substances, to anaesthetise the pain, famous words of a guy people love to hate. So maybe try and address if he's struggling with anything and deal with whatever it is as best you can.

I've been around addicts with voluntary work I've done, they look like normal people, often they're the nicest people you'd come across. It's just that they had a shit time and turned to alcohol or whatever to clear their heads as it were.

Diazepam shares a cross tolerence with alcohol. They both work on the same receptors. Your DH has addiction issues and likes to drink = Very bad idea.

It is very dangerous to mix alcohol and benzodiazipines.

Yabu. You should never have allowed him to take your mediaction. Was he drinking when you didn't see the harm?

I'm surprised 2 x 2mg Valium had any 'fun' effect whatsoever. I take 2 x 5mg to get me through the door of the dentist, and barely notice the difference, other than a lack of anxiety. 2 x 2mg would be tempting if I was having trouble sleeping, not that they knock me out, but they make drifting off a bit easier, is all. I probably take a total of 30mg in a year (2 dentist visits and some sleep issues), before anyone thinks I'm addicted to the stuff!

TBH, whilst acknowledging your husband's history with drugs, I wouldn't see this as any form of relapse, just something that would annoy me if I might have needed the medication for future pain. I'd have a bit of a moan on that basis, and that alone.

I don't think there is much you can do, you kind of condoned him taking the first two, knowing his history what did you expect? I'd get rid of the other 3, not get any more and leave it at that.

I didn't "allow" him to take any. He took some, then told me he had the first time. He'd had a glass of wine and I warned him he'd be "off his tits."
To clarify, the coke thing happened over a 6 month period, weekends only binge.....over 10 years ago. I thought it was getting a bit much and leading to being out of control. Hence the ultimatum.
Our kids have never been subjected to witnessing drug use or parents under the influence of them. They have witnessed many people being under the influence of alcohol, including us.
To me he quite simply had a wee binge on my pills. They are gone now and that's it done. He's not some junkie desperate for another score.
I'm now having to contend with either he's lied about taking the ones I can't account for or my son has taken them. If he's lying it will be because he's embarrassed. If he's not lying then...yeah...wish me luck.

I know mumsnet can be a bit harsh and judgy at times but I can't believe some of the stuff said on this thread. Grasping at straws to make my experience sound dramatic and awfully grim. I was looking for a bit of support from people who maybe have some understanding of this kind of situation. Thanks to everyone who was supportive.
Instead I got judged by ill informed people who pitched in their tuppence worth but didn't even bother to read the op correctly.

FFS why does everyone keep insisting that OP's DH is an addict because of behaviour from ten years a go with no signs that he has had any issues since.

Prescription drugs are not kryptonite with magical properties that turn normal people into monsters in a few sittings. In fact the only drug I know that can have such adverse results in small doses is alcohol.

with no signs that he has had any issues since.

Other than him taking 16 Valium that aren't his and then lying about it?

Good luck op with finding out what happened to the missing ones... I'm inclined to think it may be a genuine mistake

Zilphas If he took them all he did it over the course of 8 days just for a bit of perspective. He's admitted to taking some, just not all. So there's a 8 I think unaccounted for.
I'm pissed off he took them. They weren't his to take but prob saw them as up for grabs as I don't need them for pain anymore.
.....and lots of people take drugs "just because" without being addicts......you must have led a sheltered life.