Another adoptive parent here (first post).
I am both appalled at the ignorance and unfeeling posts from some, and yet comforted by others who do know what adoptive parents go through, and have indeed experienced some pretty awful situations themselves.
The dog one. I think the poster wrote how she would keep her dog at home, rather than pass him onto another, potentially unkind, home. Unfortunately you can't do that with children.You can't keep them at home, safe and warm with the rest of the world at arm's length. They have to go out into the big wide world and socialise, hopefully be educated, which in many ways as (any type of parent) we have little control over. At least little control when they are away from us. Without us there to love and protect them they are vulnerable, or in the situation we had with one much loved adopted child, anyone they came into contact with was vulnerable.
My husband and I have three wonderful adoptive children, one of whom has a serious disability and will always need our care. The other two are married with children of their own. Some years ago we decided to become foster carers, and one child we later adopted too. He was the much loved youngest son and little brother. His past history was amongst the most painful we have known, but for five years he blossomed and grew. Children's services and teachers could not believe the improvements in him.
However, during his teenage years he got in contact with his birth family, and over the next year or so changed dramatically. Violence, sexual violence and weapons became his life. He would attack anyone, including ourselves. Every help, every therapy, everything was tried, he got worse and worse. Should we have continued to have him in our home? To any of the parents who believe we should have not have turned our back on him, can I ask what you would do if younger vulnerable members of your family were subjected to his violence?
We hung on desperately until one day I realised the terror in the face of our disabled son, and the sheer thrill on the face of the son of whom I am writing. In that moment I thought - NO, NO, NO, NO. You will no longer do this to him, to us all.
It was some while later I realised if he were our own biological son our decision would have been no different. We put the rest of our family first and after six years we asked for him to be removed....the fact he was legally adopted made no difference at this point.
I guess the OP would not want to be friends with me either.
Do I love him? Yes. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Would I now have made the same decision for him to be removed ? Yes but earlier.