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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

641 replies

TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 18:24

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me. Confused

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 19/03/2017 19:31

I'm 44 and several people I went to school with are grandparents. My only ds is 13

Mumofazoo · 19/03/2017 19:31

Well I for one went to a private school and the amount of people that thought I can from some 'council' estate was shocking. There really is so many judgemental snobs out there.

lljkk · 19/03/2017 19:31

I find the "repeating a pattern" comment fairly offensive. Whatever happened to MN trying to support other parents? Pah.

noeffingidea · 19/03/2017 19:31

I don't think it's unusual at all, it's pretty normal amongst the women I know. But then I am working class I suppose.
And no Littlefrog they're not all on benefits, or even minimum wage. One doesn't need a university education to make good money. My son became left school at 16, has never spent a day unemployed and earns well over the national average wage. He became a father at 24, a very responsible mature one I must add.
It does seem a bit sad that many children may never have grandparents, if the trend of delaying childbirth to the late30's/ early 40's continues.

Namechangernancy · 19/03/2017 19:32

Not really, if you have your eldest at 20ish and they have theirs at 20ish you'll be a grandparent in your 40s. Nothing wrong with it and the younger you are the more energy and time you have to run around after them and enjoy it.
In my social circles you have kid's first in your 20's and worry about a career and all that boring stuff in your 30s

SchnitzelVonCrumb · 19/03/2017 19:32

I had my first at 25 and felt SO incredibly young.

I'm due for my third now at 30 and will feel a bit more normal when I go to toddler groups.

Although I was never the youngest mum, I did struggle to be taken seriously until people asked what I had read at uni.

Definitely want to go back to career etc when kids are at school.

My mum had me at 32 and my sister at 41. I've got 3 kids before she even had her first! She probably wasn't the proudest but we are fine financially (in fact better off than her) and the kids have a stable home

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2017 19:32

My sister married at 19 and had her first baby at almost 21.

My niece did the same thing, so my sister became at gran at 41.

Both very successful business women, who just chose to have their children early.

Mumofazoo · 19/03/2017 19:33

Excuse my spelling, I have a poorly child in bed next to me who keeps wriggling.

carabos · 19/03/2017 19:33

chartmix.co/view/MYB7ywk#data
Average age of first birth for all countries.

RebootYourEngine · 19/03/2017 19:33

Id rather travel the world at 40 than 20.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 19/03/2017 19:34

I went to school with a girl who had her first child at 13, her daughter went on to have a baby at 14, so she was a grandmother at 27. Meanwhile we are now all 32/33 and plenty of the girls I grew up with don't even have kids yet. I've got a 3yo and a 1yo which is about what most girls from our school year have now. Wasn't a deprived area or anything, she was very unusual but because I knew her I think very little of it.... other people are always surprised when I mention it.

littlefrog3 · 19/03/2017 19:34

To the poster Never knowing ... Quit the hysteria and histrionics FFS!

Talk about an over reaction! People are entitled to their opinions, and I am entitled to say I would be horrified to be a granny at 35-40, and I would NOT want my daughters becoming parents in their teens. I have a right to my own opinion! No need to be so nasty, saying 'fuck you!' to me!

What's more, all I have said is if girls have kids young and stay on benefits, their daughters are more likely to do the same. That's a fucking fact! Whether you like it or not. It's not a given, but it's more likely!

Get over yourself FFS. And calm the fuck down.

BikeRunSki · 19/03/2017 19:35

One of my colleagues was a grandad at 38, another at 40. Their wives are both a year younger.

On the other hand, I had my second child 3 weeks before I was 41.

Bloopbleep · 19/03/2017 19:35

A girl in my class at school had a baby at 14 and last I heard her daughter had a baby at 15. I find that incredibly tragic - being a young parent is hard enough but to be a granny at 29. I guess we'll find out if she'll become a great granny by the age of 44/45 in a few years :(

littlefrog3 · 19/03/2017 19:35

So many touchy people on here, in denial Jeeeez!

Iamastonished · 19/03/2017 19:36

“So do you think all sixteen year olds should be at college, OP?”

Aren’t they meant to still be in education or an apprenticeship though?

“Show it's not an 'implication' - statistically (which as you know is not the same as 'everyone who does x is y') higher incomes have their children later.

Which, given that you have more than one degree, you would understand. There are always exceptions to the rule.

“20 is not overly young to become a mum?!?”

Statistically it is in the UK though. 21% of babies born in England and Wales in 2014 were born to mothers over the age of 35 but only 20% were born to women under 25.

I am 58 and have no intention of becoming a grandma anytime soon as DD is only 16. She hates babies and says she doesn't intend to have any anyway.

Mumofazoo · 19/03/2017 19:37

Who is in denial????? I'm not I just stated my own experience with being a teen mum.

MamaHanji · 19/03/2017 19:37

My mum was 42 when she became a nanny (I was 19) her best friend was 38 when she became a nanny. My mum loves it as she is still young enough to be properly running around with my children and climbing trees. Although when she takes my toddler out, a lot of people think she is her parent. But she does look pretty young for her she anyway. I also have mummy friends who had children at 40 and then 42.

Original poster
TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 19:37

Again - huge difference between being a grandparent "in your forties" and at 41. Massive difference between someone like a previous poster's son who will be a Dad at 24 and a 16 year old child.

OP posts:
BeyondThePage · 19/03/2017 19:37

I have a photo with
me 1
mum 19
gran 38
great gran 58
great-great gran 77
and her aunt 98 (great-great-great gran had died 2 years previously)

I broke the chain and had my first at 35 - there is only my mum left.

DixieNormas · 19/03/2017 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

armpitz · 19/03/2017 19:39

Why are people so convinced having a baby in your mid thirties is the best way? Confused

Worst possible time to me. Your own parents are just entering old age if they also had you in mid thirties as your first child is starting secondary school. Your child will be going to university in your fifties so forget early retirement! And you have to take a career break just when you've probably got established.

OR have a child at 21. Spend five years at home enjoying the. Then retrain with the support of your own parents and while your children are at school.

The middle class way is the most stressful IMVHO!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/03/2017 19:39

little you seem to be the most hysterical one here.

skerrywind · 19/03/2017 19:39

reboot Id rather travel the world at 40 than 20

Travelling the world at any age is great. But travelling for an extended period is best done without too many responsibilites.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 19/03/2017 19:39

littlefrog3 Sorry to mess up your theory but I had DS at 15, I have a career, and a degree, 1 DC at grammar and 1 at private school, I did admittedly miss out the travelling part, but I will still be young enough to do that when my youngest goes off to uni/moves out/travels the world (we won't travel together though, i think she needs her space) I have had to work a lot harder than my friends who went off to uni and got a career going before having DC, writing a dissertation while juggling 2 kids with chicken pox wasn't exactly fun, but then my friends are all just starting to have babies and seem to be struggling a lot more with the sleepless nights and running round than i did and are finding the career break tough so i guess either way has its advantages.

My mum by the way has a PHD, Dad had several successful businesses (they've taken early retirement for health reasons) and my maternal grandparents had more letters by their names than you can shake a stick at.

I know you think you are just saying it like it is but that really isn't how it always is and sweeping generalisations aren't actually helpful.