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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

641 replies

TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 18:24

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me. Confused

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 19/03/2017 19:20

I would have embarrassed to be a grandparent in my 30s, bloody hell, no wonder that woman burst into tears in the chip shop.

flapjackfairy · 19/03/2017 19:20

Littlefrog my mother became a nanny (her choice of name) at 38 when my sister had her first baby.
My father was a high flyer at the top of his profession and my mother stayed home as a typical middle class housewife of the 1970s .
No sink estate for us just a young ,naive girl who had no experience of men . There are no doubt lots of other girls both now and then making similar mistakes

YerAWizardHarry · 19/03/2017 19:21

My son also has an auntie who is almost 3 years younger than him on his dads side - His Grandparents oldest child is 32 and youngest is 18 months

skislope · 19/03/2017 19:21

I'm 40 and can't imagine having grandchildren as I have a 5 year old and my friends are the same mostly the same with children of varying (youngish) ages but no grandchildren? I guess you'd get used to it if you had a kid very very young like one girl I knew did - she has a 20 year old now so could potentially have a grandchild. Yes, be good to have the energy I suppose...

armpitz · 19/03/2017 19:22

Personally I would be encouraging my children to do what they feel is best for them. If that's having a child at 20, sure thing.

I didn't travel the world in my twenties coz I was grieving my dead parents, so ...

Original poster
TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 19:23

Becoming a young mum before the age of 20 is one thing - but becoming a grandparent at 40ish is repeating a pattern. It's not "having a pop at young mums" in the slightest.

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 19/03/2017 19:23

I've had my 3 at 31, 32 and 35. Where I live is high income/educational level so average age of first time mothers is a range of 37-42. Lots of twins too.

What is interesting is that a lot of the people I work with who transferred into the area have their DC much younger. Average age of first time mothers is a range of 23-26. One girl I work with married at 19, had her first at 21 while at school (took 3 weeks off and brought the baby to class), 2nd at 23, 3rd at 27 and 4th at 29. She is on track to make partner, has her masters and her DH is absolutely all about being an involved parent.

Personally, I want my kids to wait until they meet the right person to marry and settle in their relationship before they think about starting a family. If they are ready at 20 of course I will support them but DH and I have the money to cover childcare.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 19/03/2017 19:23

My DCs have great-grandmas younger than their granny Grin

DH is older than me, and the youngest child of a late starter. I started my family at the start of my 30s so fairly typical of a uni background. My mother was under 20. My grandmother was early twenties- typical of her generation. She was in her early 40s when I was born.

dailyshite · 19/03/2017 19:23

Bloody hell, it's almost as though we don't all have to live the same existence as each other and can have our own priorities and life experiences!

Shocking that people don't realise that the right way to do things is the IOB (interfering old bag) way, whenever will they learn?!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/03/2017 19:25

Oh yes the obsession with travelling the world. I got that so much, "such a shame, you should be travelling the world, not changing nappies".

I hate heat, I hate flying, I have no interest in travelling anywhere other than I'd like to do Eurocamp next year which DD will enjoy, and being a parent at 19 opened up different opportunities for me which I've loved!

DixieNormas · 19/03/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AteRiri · 19/03/2017 19:25

My mom was a 37 year old grandma!

I'm almost 39 and no child.

DustyMaiden · 19/03/2017 19:26

I had DD at 24, she had her DD on her 16th birthday. My DD is at uni, bit later than normal, but so what. It wasn't a regional thIng it was a contraceptive failure thing.

Want2bSupermum · 19/03/2017 19:26

Sorry mistyped! I would expect my child at 20 to stay in school and complete their bachelor and master degrees. I think longer term you are better off having kids early on and then in your 40s, when you hit the peak of your career, you have somewhat self sufficient DC.

elliejjtiny · 19/03/2017 19:27

My mil became a grandma at 46. I know lots who are younger. I agree with saying it's a regional thing, I was the oldest mum on the maternity ward when I had ds5 and by several years too. I was 32 and felt ancient.

armpitz · 19/03/2017 19:27

My friend had a baby at 15 (by mistake!)

She's now travelling the world with her 17 year old daughter.

It's cool.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/03/2017 19:27

It's not "having a pop at young mums" in the slightest.

It kind of is, though. It's suggesting that there's a problem with "the pattern repeating".

DixieNormas · 19/03/2017 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katedotness1963 · 19/03/2017 19:27

I met a woman who became a granny at 28. She'd had her only child at 14, then her daughter had her first child at 14. My kids met the grandchild, who was the same age as my eldest. He kept talking about living with his Oma. I imagined a little, old German lady, turned out Oma was 6 years younger than me.

stoopido · 19/03/2017 19:27

My friend was a granny at aged 32 and her mum (great grandmother) was 55

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 19/03/2017 19:27

I made my Mum a Nan in her 40's.

Even better my Auntie had her daughter a few months after I had mine so my Nan has a great granddaughter that's older than one of her granddaughters!

ProudBadMum · 19/03/2017 19:29

My mum had my brother at 19. He had a child at 25 with a woman he was been with for 4 eats and they both work.

So there for she's a grandma at 44

What pattern is that?!

Younger you are when you have a child the younger you'll be when they have one.

Even is he waited til he was 30 she would be just 49 anyway.

Cityrat79 · 19/03/2017 19:29

My mum was 30 when she had me. I was 32 when I had my first child. I will be at least 50 in all likelihood before I become a grandparent. Most of my friends from my (private) secondary school had babies in their early 30s.

My (state) primary school friends on Facebook are mostly grandparents at 35/36.

I would love to say it's not a socioeconomic thing, but it totally is. I think getting pregnant is fairly universal for teenagers, but I suspect the more "prospects" a girl has, the more pressure put on her (and she puts on herself) to discontinue the pregnancy.

RebootYourEngine · 19/03/2017 19:29

I could probably be a grandmother right now and i am only 31. Not legal but it could happen. I had ds at just gone 18 so if he had a child at that age i would be a granny at 36. Id like to be a young granny but not that young. I think my mum was a granny by the time she was 40.

CoolCarrie · 19/03/2017 19:31

But I don't think 41 is too young, neither is it too young to be a mother.