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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

641 replies

TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 18:24

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me. Confused

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 23/03/2017 16:51

The insults on this thread are very upsetting

donkir · 23/03/2017 16:58

My mum was married and had me aged 21 I then also became a mum aged 20 so my mum was nearly 42.

MrsPeelyWaly · 23/03/2017 17:07

The insults on this thread are very upsetting

Dont be insulted by it. Just raise your eyebrows and prove the stereotyping wrong.

MrsJayy · 23/03/2017 17:13

claire wtf are you on about i know plenty of 30+ parents who get wtc and they have degrees btw 1 of my Dds has an engineering degree and is now a police officer not bad for young parents

amboinsainbos · 23/03/2017 17:28

I'm not sure why posters are getting so upset? Clearly everyone on here has by far surpassed the stereotypical "teen parent" scenario. I don't think this is the probably typical of the teenaged mother demograph, however if you are happy with your lot then that is all that matters.

Do you think that a 17 year old is as able to cope with the challenges that a new baby presents as well as a 30 year old?

I think regardless of what age you are when you first give birth most first time parents feel absolutely floored. I did however find that when I was in my teens I had much more energy to deal with night feeds, colicky baby who needed walked for hours etc than when I had my last at 30.

TheGaleanthropist · 23/03/2017 17:35

Think it's fine to be honest. 20 or 21 is a great age to have a child- you can cope with sleepless nights well then. Grandma will likely have enough energy to keep up with toddler.

Few colleagues did similar- children between 19 and 24. Easy to start or pick career/education back up after 1, 2 or 3 years out then. Looks like a lot easier than trying to get back into job market mid thirties onwards after similar time out.

My neighbour is in her early 70s, has a 3yo DGS. She acts as childcare most days, and thus winter she has been struggling a bit- he's getting more boisterous and stronger and her arthritis is playing up. She looks knackered when his mum comes to pick him up at teatime. I know not everyone is fit as a fiddle in their forties and not everyone in their 70s has arthritis, but still.

armpitz · 23/03/2017 17:38

People are upset because assumptions are being made about them, which can be frustrating and upsetting.

MrsJayy · 23/03/2017 17:40

Personally I am not upset just the sweeping statements of teen mothers on benefits annoy me when adult parents also get working benefits why are those parents not deamonised ?

PortiaCastis · 23/03/2017 17:52

I am upset because the of the nasty posts saying teen Mum's all claim benefits. I'm not upset in a boohoo way I'm bleddy angry that someone has the audacity to make that sweeping statement. I had dd at 18 she's now 18 herself and has predicted A* A and B grades for her A levels.
I've only ever claimed child benefit which has been put in an account for dds future. I know she'll be ok as my Mum is leaving her property as will I.
Mum has a holiday let company and I help her run it so no I'm not claiming benefits and we do very well.
It would be nice if folk stopped to think before they hurled insults about others. Here's a tip don't stereotype or look down on others because it makes you seem like a judgemental snob.

HoldBackTheRain · 23/03/2017 17:57

MrsJayy don't worry there are plenty of other threads here regularly where those of us who aren't teen mums but have claimed benefits while bringing up our kids are slated too.

Apparantly if you claim any kind of benefit - JSA/child tax credit/working tax credit you're a drain on society and it isn't fair on those who don't. YAWN. Sick of judgemental, narrowminded people who have been fooled by the divide and rule tactics so they blame the poorest of us - some mumsnetters are more outraged at single/teen mums claiming benefits than they are about Phillip Green and Bernie Ecclestone. It's grim reading.

It doesn't matter when someone has a baby or if they have to rely on benefits at certain times in their lives. How much you earn or how many degrees you had does not make you a better parent than someone on benefits.

HoldBackTheRain · 23/03/2017 17:59

And I have RTFT but I don't think I've seen anyone say 'I had DD/DS yound and I never claimed any benefit but why would it mattered if I had?' It reads like you all look down your noses about benefit claimants too.

FFS

HoldBackTheRain · 23/03/2017 18:00

oops young not yound!

Chinchinwag · 23/03/2017 19:03

I think I was more "mature" at 20 then I am now 😁 Back then I was trying to be very mature and old before my time! I seem to get more laid back as I get older.

I don't think you have to be 30 plus to guarantee your child a more secure future financially and emotionally. Mental health such as depression effects people of all ages and so does financial problems.

From my experience the worst parents I have known have been older (late 30s/40s) people where both have full time careers. It always appears a spoilt, rude, entitled child with no table manners is raised by them. That's what I have found anyway.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 23/03/2017 19:31

Oh we claim benefits. We claimed housing benefit at one point but stopped because the constant forms were draining the life out of us Grin but yeah right now we claim child benefit, child tax credits and working tax credits.

I feel no shame or guilt whatsoever about that. It's given us chance to adjust a little bit after university, to get DD to school age and now DH and I are both about to go into careers that will enable us to get off benefits and start saving for a mortgage.

There are people who became mums in their teens who never claim any benefits, and people who become mums in their forties who always have and always will lived on benefits. Statistically younger mums are more likely, but more importantly - what the heck does it matter? Whether you claim benefits or not is no indicator of a) parenting skills or b) future earning potential.

MrsJayy · 23/03/2017 23:15

holdback it really really bugs me this notion that you have to have a huge salary and thousands in savings to have a children people who are on low income can have a baby Working benefits are there for a reason and when people add teen mum to the mix it pisses me right off

HoldBackTheRain · 24/03/2017 07:44

MrsJayy same here!

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