To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

I think this thread is conflating a degree/a well paid job/owning a house with being a better parent. Which is isn't.But a good excuse to look down at those you clearly feel superior to Plenty people will never have a degree, a well paid job or own a house. Regardless if they had children in their teens or their forties. It doesn't bloody mean they aren't entitled to have children at whatever age they want or that they will be lesser parents.

I used to work with someone who became a granddad at 28!!

My nan was 40 when I was born.

I know someone who was a gran at 31. She was 16 when she had he daughter and the daughter was 15 when she had a son. Not ideal but they are both married to the children's fathers and lead good lives. If the trend had continued she could have been a great gran by mid 40s

My Mum was 38 I think, my sister just turned 40 and became a gran!

I can't see what the issue is whether you are a Gran at 32 or 82.
There seems to be a view these days that you are wasting your life having children young but it depends on what is important to you.
I hate the way people are expected to have particular aims or ambitions or fulfil society's idea of success.
I found once I had a grandchild my priorities changed completely. Nothing in life matters more to me than my grandchildren and they have opened up a whole new world and perspective for me.
I realise there are people who would hate the idea of grandchildren and that is fine for them. We all follow different paths.

There seems to be a view these days that you are wasting your life having children young but it depends on what is important to you.

It's not just about you though is it

What about the child, who would benefit enormously from having emotionally mature, financially secure parents.

I'm sure a 17 year old who is desperate for a baby would love them just as much but that child's life opportunities are going to be a million miles away from a married couple in their late 20's with careers who can guide them effectively through education, and afford any extra / special / unexpected requirements for care or spending.

Bollocks I was a teenage parent and have never claimed any benefits except cb which an awful lot of people claim.
Don't be so condescending and downright nasty!

It's not just about you though is it.What about the child, who would benefit enormously from having emotionally tmature, financially secure parents

So you would like to set rules about who can have a baby? We can't all have financially secure parents. Not everyone is comfortably off.
Anyone can lose their financial security at any time.
There are poor loving parents and their are well off bad parents.
I

There, not their...

So you would like to set rules about who can have a baby? We can't all have financially secure parents. Not everyone is comfortably off.

Do you think that a 17 year old is as able to cope with the challenges that a new baby presents as well as a 30 year old? Because I don't. Maturity and life experience, judgment, knowledge that informs decision making, understanding on how to influence people and institutions that will be encountered such as medical and educational, these are things that will improve the chances of a child having a healthy and fulfilling life.

Getting an education is the most empowering thing a parent can do for a child and it requires maturity and an understanding of society to achieve.

Being a parent is being a role model, speaking for myself I wasn't remotely ready emotionally or maturity wise till mid 30's and now we have 2 we are able to make sensible informed dexisions and provide for them a comfortable interesting life.

If we'd had them at 17 what would we have been able to provide in terms of emotional maturity, or financial stability? I had no qualifications then so one parent on minimum wage? Not the life I wanted for my children so it wasn't even a consideration

I had DS1 at 18, he had DGD1 at 16,she had DGGS at 19.

So I was a Granny at 34, and GreatGranny at 53.

DGD1 in now pregnant with DC2 and I a man 57

DS1 has just become a Father for the second time with DGD2, 18 months after becoming a grandfather at 35.

While we have all been young parents, we have all gone on to do higher education, DGD is 3 years into her degree with OU

In fact we all got our Degrees with OU

Non of of us have ever recieved benefit.

Some parents regardless of how MUCH education they receive, will never have the academic ability to get a degree.

It is unfair to state they are in any way compromised as a parent

Draylon how patronising.

As for *I think we all now know that a child born into a long-term (not 'been togevva from 15 to 17') relationship; (statistically better-off) married (sorry!), stably employed, securely housed, long-term-future family will do waay better than one - not.

Statistically one is better able to provide this if you are in this long-term stable relationship, both in secure employment and housing.*

To quote Catherine Tate, what a load of old shit.

ClaireWilliams

Being a parent is being a role model, speaking for myself I wasn't remotely ready emotionally or maturity wise till mid 30's and now we have 2 we are able to make sensible informed dexisions and provide for them a comfortable interesting life.

Exactly - you were speaking FOR YOURSELF. You weren't ready to have a child until your mid 30's. Some women ARE ready before then. Who are you to say they're making the wrong decision? You don't know them or their capabilities.

Too much presumption on this thread about what makes a good parent. Some of you are way off the mark.

"Do you think that a 17 year old is as able to cope with the challenges that a new baby presents as well as a 30 year old? Because I don't. Maturity and life experience, judgment, knowledge that informs decision making, understanding on how to influence people and institutions that will be encountered such as medical and educational, these are things that will improve the chances of a child having a healthy and fulfilling life ".

Sorry, I think this is bullshit. People go through different circumstances, your life experience is YOURS.. you may have got that maturity and all that at 30 but some people get that much earlier. Your life experience is what shapes you as a person, make better judgements etc.

As an example, I had DS 15/16 who was later diagnosed with SEN. When I was 20, I went to court to fight for a private specialist provision for my son. My mum who is much older than me, thought it was silly and that DS should stay put at mainstream school. She couldn't get the reason, after all of my debating, professional reports that DS will get more specialist support at a different type of school. She didn't get it because she doesn't have a child with SEN and all the struggles that come with that. Do you see my point ? It's not about age... it's about what you experienced in your life.

If I had my DS older, I still would of been clueless as I was when I had him.

My eldest daughter had my grandson when I was 38 and had my granddaughter 3 years later. I'm really close to my grandchildren and absolutely adore them.

I hadn't planned on becoming a grandmother so young, but I had DD1 when I was 17, so it wasn't such a massive shock really.

People are so quick to assert stereotypes on others when they are less than perfect theirselves.

Your comparison is flawed, notgivingin789, because it's more relevant to compare yourself at 16 to yourself at 30 - or your mother to herself, me to myself, or anyone else to themselves.

It's not to say 30 year old Person A is a better parent than 16 year old Person B. It is saying that in the vast majority of cases, a person will have gained significant life experience, maturity and hopefully financial stability, as well as developing a range of skills and traits that improve her ability to parent compared to when she was younger.

People may differ in where they find the optimal trade off between energy, life experience, and stability - for some, it's early twenties, for others, it could be a decade or two later.

However, most would agree that in the overwhelming majority of cases, having a child in your teens is less than ideal for the above reasons. Those who don't acknowledge this fact tend to be naive or defensive as to their own choices (or those of people around them).

Emelia I see your point. If I'm comparing myself to my 16 year old self then. I definitely matured but that's only because of what I experienced at 16 (having a child etc) that made me the person I am today. Ifyswim.

Draylon, you could have saved everyones time and just wrote "Im better than all these benefit claiming teen mothers". But what about other familes, whos older parents are claiming benefits, (2.7million families claim benefits) are they ripe for ripping apart or is it just teen mothers?

Do you think that a 17 year old is as able to cope with the challenges that a new baby presents as well as a 30 year old?

That depends on the individuals. You are assuming people are automatically more capable to cope with motherhood when they are older. I think that is ridiculous.
You cannot compare yourself to everyone else.
Being a good mother and giving a child what it really needs can be instinctive for many whatever their age.

clairewilliams999 Really? I married two weeks after my 18th birthday and was pregnant three months later. ALL of my DC are happy well adjusted adults. You assume far, far too much me thinks. How can you possible play judge and jury about people you have no idea about? I now have six gorgeous DGC all parents married and still together. Sadly, I am now a widow but if I could have my time again I would do it all exactly the same. I have a close and loving family so find your judgement of young parents highly offensive.

Claire, the next time you go on your holidays it may just be that the pilot is my son born to me when I was just turned 19 and the ground engineer who cleared your plane for the journey is my other son born when I was 23. Then there's my very successful daughter who owns her own business, she was born 20 months after her big brother, my eldest son.

I also have a special needs teacher in the mix as well, she's my 4th child, and then there's my severely disabled son who we say is an astronaut because his head is always in the clouds.

I also have 6 grandchildren ......and counting.