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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

641 replies

TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 18:24

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me. Confused

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

OP posts:
goose1964 · 19/03/2017 19:13

M!Y gran was 38, my mum 42 and I was 48, my bff had 2 preschoolers when I became a granny despite being the same age

Pacha11 · 19/03/2017 19:13

I wish I was a granny at that age! Not looking good for me though... at the moment...

GoodnightSeattle · 19/03/2017 19:14

If I had followed in my mothers footsteps she'd have been a grandma at 32.

As it is she's 41 and has just had what I hope will be her last baby. If my life goes as planned she'll still be a granny well before 50.

littlefrog3 · 19/03/2017 19:14

I don't think anyone is being judgy or saying teen mums are nasty or dumb or trashy. No no, nothing like that honestly. Just that if a girl has a baby at 16-18, and spends her life on benefits, her daughter is more likely to do the same, than the daughter of a girl that went to college and uni, travelled the world, had a career, got married at 30, and had her first child at 33. IYSWIM.

Not being nasty. Just saying it like it is really.

ProudBadMum · 19/03/2017 19:14

My mum is a Nanna of 3 at 44. I had my first at 19, another at 36. My brother had one 5 days ago at 24.

I made her a Nanna at 37. She still feels to young to be one.

Do we care? No. Shit happens and beena grandma isn't really shit is it? Just a title. You don't have to accept it I suppose.

Neverknowing · 19/03/2017 19:14

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
TinfoilHattie · 19/03/2017 19:14

But Mumofazoo - would you encourage your own kids to become parents so early and be delighted about being a grandparent in your early 30s?

OP posts:
minionsrule · 19/03/2017 19:14

My sister was a granny at 39, and she isn't chavvy at all, just got married at 20 and had baby at 21, her son became a dad at 18. Me on the other hand had ds at 36 so we are complete different ends of the spectrum

angeldiver · 19/03/2017 19:14

I had a friend of dd's in the car. He said "how old are you angel?" and when I told him, he came back with "ooh, the same age as my grandma" Shock.
I could be a grandma, as I'm in my late 40's but I certainly couldn't imagine it.

user1486924355 · 19/03/2017 19:14

Littlefrog, my thoughts exactly. I would feel that I had failed as a parent if that had happened to me. Of course, I know i'd be talking through my arse but I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings to be honest.

Neverknowing · 19/03/2017 19:15

I really hope they delete this thread before any young mums / young mums to be see it.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/03/2017 19:15

If DD has a child the same age as I had her, I'll be 38.

Becoming a mum at 19 was the making of me so honestly while I'd be honest with her about the struggle ahead, I wouldn't be horrified if that happened. It certainly wouldn't be the end of the world.

It may just be the circles I move in but the majority of young mums/former young mums I know have a degree. I had my daughter in my second year, graduated with a First just after her 1st birthday. It's not out of the realms of possibility to think that young mums can get degrees.

ProudBadMum · 19/03/2017 19:15

What is it with Mn and this obsession with uni and travelling the world?! Grin

GurneyGob · 19/03/2017 19:16

My primary school friend had her first baby (son) at 14 and that son fathered a child aged 15. By 29 she was a granny - she used to enter and win a lot of "glamourous granny" contests!

BoredOnMatLeave · 19/03/2017 19:16

My mum became a grandmother at 43... She would probably want me to say she's not granny, she's nanna. She loves it as a lot of her friends are broody and she gets a baby without all the hard work.

MIL is nearly 80 so DD has one on each end of the scale. We had 5 generations my side up until recently and my nan isn't even 62 yet. I know its unusual but it happened quite easily, the only one I consider to have been a bit young was nan who had mum at 16.

Quartz2208 · 19/03/2017 19:16

My OH (very middle class family) cousin became a grandmother at 33, her mother was a great grandmother at 52 and the great great grandmother 82. She was a grandmother before all but one of her siblings and cousins were parents (out of 13). That said she was the oldest!

limon · 19/03/2017 19:16

Different strokes for different folks..someone's out there judging me for becoming a mum at 43.

LadyCallandraDaviot · 19/03/2017 19:16

both my SIL's were grandma's around 40 (one just under, one just over). Whereas I had DS3 when I was 40!

I also have a work colleague who became a grandma at 38, then went on to have another child herself at 40, so th uncle is younger than the nephew

ChaiTeaTeddy · 19/03/2017 19:17

Better to be a Young granny. I'm 24 with a 15 month old. My mum is 64 with a lot of health problems. If only she'd had me younger, instead of age 40 then she could enjoy DD a bit more.

wifeyhun · 19/03/2017 19:17

On the flip side I can't imagine having a newborn now at age 35, it's been 15 years since my first born.

My mum had me in her thirties and all my grandparents died young Sad. I really resented the extra time my sister who is eleven years my elder had with them.

ProudBadMum · 19/03/2017 19:18

Younger mums seem to be an easy target on here but older mums are sacred or some shit.

If a young poster commented on older parents making people older grandparents I can imagine the flaming and the word sexist been chucked around

Mumofazoo · 19/03/2017 19:18

Tinfoilhattie My eldest dd is 14 and no I wouldn't encourage it and I've spoken to her about sex and contraception and waiting until she feels ready.. However if she ever did fall pregnant at a young age I wouldn't demonise her, I would support her in whatever she chose to do.

ChaiTeaTeddy · 19/03/2017 19:18

What is it with Mn and this obsession with uni and travelling the world?! grin

IKR. Such bollocks!. Like you can't do that when the kids have left home.

YerAWizardHarry · 19/03/2017 19:19

My mum was 38 when she firsf became a Grandma. She had my brother at 17 and my brother had his son at 21. She's now 44 with 3 grandchildren

preciouspig · 19/03/2017 19:20

In my family it goes

The baby whos 1
Mum 22
Nana 44
Great nana 62

The baby is lucky enough to have a nana and a great nana still young enough to run around after him! I dont think our situation isnt 'normal'