To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

littlefrog sounds like one of those people who went to university and now thinks they know everything about everything.

Obviously if a thread is started about being a granny at 42ish then losts of teen mum posters who have made a success of their lives are going to come on and talk about it

And success doesn't necessarily mean degree and villa in the algarve

and can i just point out for some of the hard of thinking that although the lack of a degree nowadays seems (in some peoples eyes) to make you a no hope minimum wage thickie

That it was not always the case

I think Littlefrog is getting a bit of a hard time here. I'm not disbelieving the posters on the thread who have generations of women being grandparents in their 30s and who are financially secure and happy in their lives. But I really don't believe that's the norm - there are endless studies and figures that show having a baby at 16/17/18 means you are more likely to struggle, live in poverty etc etc etc. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but that doesn't make the rule wrong.

Also there's a huge difference between a 16 year old and a 20 year old.

I don't think Uni is the be all and end all but whatever you do between the ages of 16 and 20 it's a time of finding out who you are, what you're good at, discovering your path in life whatever that might be. Very few teenagers are earning massive salaries. Most are still in education, or doing some combination of training and working, or in entry-level positions. Unless they are a professional footballer, actor etc and they are pretty few and far between. (Cue someone coming along saying they were clearing £100k at 17).

Adding a child into the mix while you're still SO young and finding your way is just going to make things so much more difficult for you. You are not free to chop and change jobs, move around, take certain types of work because your priorities change. Teenage relationships are less likely to endure than when you're older - again, talking about 16/17 rather than 19/20 here. Even at 20 you're still maturing.

All these posts about people being grannies at 30 with lots of !!!!! exclamation marks are quite shocking really - children having children is never a positive thing. Yes there are always going to be contraceptive failures and other instances resulting in one pregnancy - but then for future generations to go on and perpetuate the cycle IS depressing. There is no way on earth that a 15 or 16 year old can be in any sort of position to support a child emotionally or financially without a lot of support from the state or the extended family.

So littlefrog picks and chooses who she replies to with really hysterical rants - I think she's projecting A LOT.

Daisydrip the tone of your post reads to me like you look down on benefit claimants. Perhaps you've been watching too much cChannel 5. There are a lot of reasons why sink estates become 'sink estates' - poverty, austerity, cuts (of which 87% affected are women). Not the fact that a woman has had a baby in her teens. Let's fight for better housing to start with, the right for EVERYONE to have a home including teen/single mums.

I posted this earlier - an example of what teenage single mums can achieve - they're an example to us all, and I'd imagine many of them don't have degrees or high flying paid jobs. But if I was one of their kids I'd be so proud they were my mum:

focuse15.org/

So please can people think before they look down their noses at teeage mothers or mothers who claim benefits, in work or out work ones. Your job doesn't define who you are. What you do and how you treat others defines who you are.

My mother (Catholic) always said it was the good girls who had the babies (the bad ones presumably aborting them)....
Anyway the UK has achieved a massive reduction in teenage pregnancy and probably most of us think overall that's a good thing.

I was perfectly mature and in full time work when I had a baby at 22 and I have worked full time since. Some people are just more mature than others.

Also those criticising mothers on benefits never seem to criticise the fathers yet they should be equally responsible. I wish we could do a lot more in making those men contribute their share of the cost, rather than those full time single or not single working mothers having to pay the costs through their taxes. Where are the men in all this?

The problem is OP that often - not always - the girls who get pregnant at 16 were not the high fliers who would be getting double firsts at oxford - and I know there are exceptions, my own friend is one! - but in any case I think 'gymslip pregnancies' are far less common than they once were. More common I would say is the 18-23 bracket.

One of my kids (in a working capacity!) had a pregnancy at 13 last year and everyone seemed remarkably calm about it. I think I was the only one who was asking about child abuse If someone is getting pregnant at a really young age then generally speaking there's a story behind it and that story isn't a happy one. Shame and scorn isn't the answer.

I think Littlefrog is getting a bit of a hard time here. I'm not disbelieving the posters on the thread who have generations of women being grandparents in their 30s and who are financially secure and happy in their lives.

That's why littlefrog was getting a hard time (from me at least) - because she was disbelieving the posters on the thread. I'm all for debate and discussion but when someone tells me I lied about having a degree (particularly when I've spoken about my experience quite openly in the media and there is evidence on TV of me doing my dissertation ) yeah, I'm probably going to give them a hard time.

The problem isn't that people have these opinions. The problem is that some of these people are determined that it should stay that way. Young parents struggle to get good careers, struggle in education (if they wish to stay in education, which isn't the be-all and end all), they generally have poor outcomes.

The obvious solution to that should be "let's improve support for young parents, let's encourage those who want to to go to university, let's campaign for better careers support and flexibility in the jobs they'll take, let's offer additional support".

Not, "if you have a degree I don't believe you, if you have a career I don't believe you, you're going to have poor outcomes and bad career prospects and that is that". It's like saying "don't have sex or you will get pregnant and die". It changes nothing.

Detail of poorer outcomes for teenage parents and their children (on average, does not apply to all)

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/524506/PHE_LGA_Framework_for_supporting_teenage_mothers_and_young_fathers.pdf

Latest data on teenage conceptions come out tomorrow. Hopefully will be another drop

I also think there's a huge difference between becoming unexpectedly pregnant in your late teens and making the best of it and making the conscious decision to have a baby at 16-19 (or just being really careless about contraception and not being that bothered one way or the other)

At that age I was sexually active but totally paranoid about pregnancy, it would have been a disaster for me. A good friend had her son when she was a week after her 20th birthday and half way through Uni and I saw how difficult it was for her.

Daisydrip the tone of your post reads to me like you look down on benefit claimants

I didnt get that impression at all - she was only replying to generalisations made throughout the thread.

HoldBackTheRain Not at all, I believe there should be a strong and supportive welfare state. My comments were aimed purely at littlefrog3 who seemed to be implying all young mothers live on sink estates and claim benefits. I remember when young mums were accused of getting pregnant just to claim benefits and get a council house, I was furious that a group of young woman could be denigrated in that way. We had many young mums in our church, some on benefits some not it made no difference to me, I just loved playing with their DC (It wasn't looked down on to play with someone else's child then).

I was a Gran at 42. I had my daughter at 21 and she had her son at 21.
We are both doing fine

I was a Gran at 42

It was 46 for me and I now have 6 grandchildren.

My mum was 37 when I had my eldest and when she died aged 57 she had 11 grandchildren from me and my sister.

It was fabulous.

It's notable Hattie that it's the girls and women you criticise, not the boys and men. Takes two to have a baby ...

I'm not "criticising" anyone. The hard fact is that when babies are born to very young parents, it's the mums who are more often than not left to raise the children when relationships break down and their prospects which are affected.

The simple fact is.... grand can be 40+ or younger.

Regardless its no ones damn business.
Uni doesnt make you better parent
A job doesnt make you a better parents
Single/relationship doesn't makes you a better parent
Your age doesnt make you a better parent.

On the other hand I had my first as 21 ... managed to get through uni and am a sahm! (Dh works) Others my age never went to uni and are a two parent working family. Different things work for different people.

Grans*

My mum had me at 19 and I had DD at 25, she was therefore a granny at 44 and didn't feel too young at all.

I wad a young Mum I do not live on a so called sink estate I live by the sea in Cornwall. Yes I became pregnant because of a contraception failure and wanted to keep my now 18 year old dd. My Dad died and I inherited quite a substantial sum of money so bot this house.
I do wish people wouldn't stereotype because everybody is different and nobody is perfect therefore they should not look down on others. You never know when something will bite you on the bum.

Actually its one of my girls birthdays today and Ive just realised she's the same age now as my mum was when she became a granny. Her youngest child is 6.

We were just having a lovely trip down memory lane and having a good laugh.

im 42 and i have 4 grandchildren. became a Granny at 37..

What on earth does it matter a tiny toss as long as the children are happy, well brought up and have aspirational parents.

I have known brilliant parents who had their first baby at 17 (my inlaws) and frankly people who shouldn't have care of a rat let alone a baby and they started at 40 ( my dils parents)

Age doesn't convey wisdom or kindness or love or understanding.

My oldest is 26 and a brilliant dad. My other kids 25,18,17 say they arnt interested in kids and don't want them for years.

That's fine by me.

And being a gran is bloody wonderful at 50!

Sorry daisydrip i misinterpreted your post. Thanks for replying!