To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

It would be perfectly legal to be a grandparent at 32. Hope that helps.

Not sure how.... Unless both births were very premature (i.e. 26 weeks or less) and both mum and gran got pregnant in the week following their 16th birthday!

Very common in those days - people didn't live as long and so they had children younger. The average age of motherhood is getting higher because we're living longer and more women have careers now as well

Free and reliable contraception available to all, including unmarried women probably has a lot to do with fewer younger mothers too.

No I agree Lost - my intention was not to diss women who had their children older. Many of my friends were in late 30s with their first pregnancy and are brilliant parents, my husbands parents' are in their 60s and are great hands on grandparents. I also remember my great grandma being the most amazing woman full of vibrancy into her 90s (and worked until she was in her 80s). I probably muddied the water with my sister but she genuinely does find this pregnancy harder and has had a lot more potential screening/ health worries with this pregnancy (& her kids are teens who have been fantastic in helping reduce her workload around the house - they are awesome!) I'm sorry if I offended.

I don't recognise either stereotype to a large degree but specifically wanted to counter the 'teenage pregnancies makes a cycle/ poor economic outcomes/ you're a drain on the state' offensive arguments.

My friends nearly all got married and had kids around 16, had grandkids around 32-35 and some are now becoming great-grandparents in their late forties. Nothing wrong or right about it. It happens sometimes in some cultures. All of them are professionals - accountants, lawyers etc. So aren't your typical DM stereotype either.

Have to understand that up until the 90s, it was considered normal for women to marry at 16-18 if they found the right man. Nobody batted an eyelid about this kind of stuff then. It's only now as childhood has been expanded due to enforced uni etc that people judge.

"It would be perfectly legal to be a grandparent at 32. Hope that helps." - It could be. In some countries like Spain the age of consent for a girl is 14.
I was happy with how I did it - law degere aged 20, law school age 21, marriage then a baby when I was almost 23 but always worked full time. It is the idea that having a baby means going part time and not working or not going to university which is wrong. You can have babies and still work full time. Many men and women do.

(Not Spain - that went up to 16 in 2015 , was raised to 13 in 1999; so somewhere like Germany or Portugal_)

I'm 52 with 3 grown up children, 22, 24 and 27. I would love to be a grandma but have at least 3 years to wait (my son and eldest wants a baby when he is 30 and his DP will be 26) They are all saving for a house and don't want a child until they have a home and savings behing them to afford one. My friend who has 3 children the same ages as mine has 3 grandchildren already (1 from each child) all 3 children haven't got homes, the eldest lives with her parents, the younger sons babys are due this year and the girlfriends all live with mum and dad, its their choice and I don't judge them as people have different prioritys, my children saw me struggle and want to ensure their children have the best start in life. Plus I don't believe I have a 'right' to grandchildren, but if they happen then its a bonus

Have to understand that up until the 90s, it was considered normal for women to marry at 16-18 if they found the right man.

The 1890s maybe! I was 18 in 1990. None of my peer group was getting married so young.

No it's not young it's average. My mum was 38

What I find disturbing about this is that women really only have a very short window to get pregnant. Do it too young? You are irresponsible. Leave it too late? You are irresponsible.

So from 25 to 35 seems to be the optimum age for starting a family. Which is highly prescriptive, given that most women have at most four decades of fertility.

Statistically it's not average, lola. Average is 48-53 as found earlier in the thread.

It could well be the norm in your area/social circle though. It varies so much. One area I lived in I was young at 30, then I moved to an area where there were a lot of mums in early 20s!

I doubt very much if it is average, given that the average age for a first time mum is 28.

I was a young mum (16). I love my DC now 26 but would I do it again? Definitely not. I missed out on so much and my DC was raised by an inadequate mother. Obviously, I'm not saying all 16 yr olds make inadequate parents but even if you can support yourself financially imo you are not emotionally able. I was a pretty grown up 16 yr old.

I went on to get 2 degrees (thank you very much) one of which is in social work. For my dissertation I chose 'teenage mothers' and the cycle of teenage children to teenage mothers having children in their teens (particularly with in the care system). At the time there wasn't much research from the angle of how the (now) older parents thought about having their child so young and was mostly centred around young teenage parents in the now.

I'm pleased I'm not yet a grandparent but i am looking forward to it.

I became a first time mum at 41. I went to school with girls who each had a baby at 16.

My boss in work was a Nanna at 30!!!!!
Yes that is correct - no typo.
She had her daughter at 14 and her daughter had a baby at 16.
However both are married to the same men that fathered those children and the family has all succeeded in well qualified and well paid job roles.

My Nana was 39 when I was born. I never realised it was strange until I was all grown up and married and thinking of my own family.

On the other extreme my dad was 37 when I was born, his parents were 73 when I was born, they lived until a year before I had my son (both in their late 90s) so even though my dad was an older parent with older parents himself, they still got to see me and my sister until we were in our mid twentys. My mum is 9 years younger than my dad so I had younger grandparents too, but my dads parents were my favourites with so many interesting stories to tell

37 isn't extreme. My dad was nearly 50 when I was born.

The thing with saying you wish you'd had your kids younger is that you'd have had different children. Likewise, if your parents had been younger when they had you then you wouldn't have ever been born - someone else would have instead.

Life works out in different ways. People may ideally like to have kids young, but not meet a partner until relatively late, for example. A child could have young grandparents but hardly see them due to family disputes or geographical distance.

iamasonished yes I know there are lots of older parents, grandparents I suppose I meant as grandchildren you get lots from all generations, young and old, not sure either is better if you see what I mean

I knew a 29 year old Granny. She had her first dc at 15 and her daughter had her first dc at 14.

Wow that's scary Tis. I'm nearly 40 and don't think I've seen granny's my age on the school run yet.

I was the oldest new mum in my 4-bed ward when I had DC1 at 22. That child is now 31 and has no plans for children.

My DM was 23 when she had me, but her mother was 26 when she had my mum.

I have a lot of old school friends on FB who have several GC.

I am utterly amazed at the amount of women on this thread who are - or who know people who are - high flying career women, accountants, lawyers, business owners, doctors, butchers, bakers, and candlestick fucking makers, with 7 university degrees, 17 staff, their own cleaners, a maid, a cook, a gardener, and a bottle washer, and a 6 figure salary - despite the fact they started having babies at 16.

Quite phenomenal actually.

I don't know a single soul who fits that description in real life.

#justsaying