To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

I had my oldest DC at 21. Shes now 21 herself. I have a degree and a career. I also have a ridiculous amount of energy and similar interests at my DC. I don't look like a granny... we are often mistaken for sisters (much to their chagrin).

Having them young for me has meant growing with them and now in my 40s having the most amazing adventures again with my DH.

Most of our friends have babies and toddlers.

I came across someone doing some social studies research into young parents, poverty if aspirations and all that.
I'd just started a PGCE when my baby was born.
He told me that young parents actually did better than he anticipated. Generally very well in fact.
Certainly being a parent whilst doing a course is easier than working!

I still feel many of these posts brightly saying that, 'You can go to university later!' miss the point a bit.

There are thousands upon thousands of people in this country who did not, and never will, go to university.

They are not by any means the benefit claiming, lacking aspiration, lacking the means to support themselves, some of you think they are.

They are your hairdressers, standing for hours at a time, your plumbers, your electricians, your dog groomers (actually mine has a degree!) your nursery nurses, your bus drivers, your care assistants, your cherry Tesco assistants and your call centre workers.

And many of them may be sobbing into their cups of tea wishing they'd worked harder at school but many, in fact, will have done their best and realised quite cheerily academics weren't for them.

And are still bloody good parents. Some of them even have mortgages and shit!

I graduated at 20 and had a baby at 22. You don't have to give up career or studying just because you give birth.

Hear hear armpitz. I couldn't agree more.

I always had a problem with Blair's aim of 50% of young people going to university. It's a narrow, MC imposition of goals/aspirations upon people who maybe just don't want or need or desire to get a degree just for the sake of it. And with that comes the assumption that not to do this is somehow a bad thing. Value-laden misfiring of liberal naivety, and not going to somehow philanthropically 'rescue' all those wretched souls languishing without degrees but in good, solid, blue-collar professions and trades, often earning better wages than over-qualified geology graduates who populate call-centres.

My great granny would have become a granny to my mum at the age of 39. She was 19 when she'd had my granny, and my granny was 20 when she had my mum. Very common in those days - people didn't live as long and so they had children younger. The average age of motherhood is getting higher because we're living longer and more women have careers now as well.

I don't know many people who have children at aged 20 now. But it doesn't make it wrong. Being a granny at 40 isn't "too young" because there's nothing wrong with it. And I suppose it's good that grandchildren get their grandparents for longer too.

My gran was 36 when I was born....I'm 34 and only just about to get married and thinking about children!

Runcible it's actually depressed the hell out of me that, to paraphrase Wilfred Owen, so many have bought into the old Lie - that it is good and sweet and noble to go to university!

And that by default, if you DON'T, you should never be permitted to procreate. And should you do so, you should rightly be shameful, apologetic and repeatedly tell your DC that your normal and happy life is Nothing To Aspire To!

The upside for me was that I am very close to my grandmother and got to know three of my great-grandparents who were around until I was between 15 - 20.

One could ask the question in reverse though. When is it too old to be a granny?

Women can't win with this. I know someone who is a first time mum at 44 with twins. She is the oldest first time mother I know. Her parents are in their 70s and her MIL is hitting 80 (her husband is older than her). She does have other family support though. But still, amazing as it is to be a mum and a wish fulfilled later in life, her children will be teenagers when she is 60 and her partner almost 70. Most teenagers have grandparents at that age.

The flip side is my son's grandad who is 90. He had his son at 44, then the son (my husband) also waited until he was 44! No scandal but a grandad who can't do much.

Very common in those days - people didn't live as long and so they had children younger. The average age of motherhood is getting higher because we're living longer and more women have careers now as well.

If we are talking within the past 100 years, it's nothing to do with life expectancy. You'd have to go back a few centuries for that.

Women are having children later as many go to university/work their way up the career ladder before they choose to have children. Some don't find a partner that they want to have children with until later.
Previously, women would have children at a younger age because jay was 'the done thing' - find a man, marry, procreate. There was a lot of societal pressure to do this. There were still career women and women who had children later, it just wasn't as common.
For example, both my parents were born mid-60s. My grandmother had my uncle at 29 and my dad at 32. My nana had my mum at 22. My grandma was married but just enjoyed her career to much to give it up for children!

My mum had me at 21, so my grandparents became grandparents at 54/43. So it just depends how you look at it.

My mum had me at 17 - was a terrible parent and never made any bones about the fact that she didn't want me and had it have been somewhere where abortions where legal (we live in NI) that I wouldn't exist. I'm now 27 and due my first in may. Needless to say my mum who is now 44 is no happier about the grandchild than she was my arrival!!

My Uncle was a grandad at 36. His dd, my cousin, was born when he only 18. She then became a grandmother herself at 39.

It seems young to me, but that's because no-one in my family has had children early - my mum's mum had her at 30, she had me at 29 and I had my first at 32.

But if you have children in your late teens/early 20s and they do the same, you'll be a young granny. I see some grandmas on the school run who might only be 10 years older than me.

My MIL was in her 30s when we had all of ours but our last one and even then she was only just 40 I think.

A girl who was my best friend at primary school became a grandmother before I became a parent!

Nobody in my family or DH's has been below 70 when they became grandparents. My great grandfather was born in 1848, I was born in 1976 so the generations are very spread out.

My mum had me at 18, I'm now married and have had my first baby at 27. So she was 45 becoming a gran - she knew lots of people who were younger than her and had grandkids

I was a granny at 51 and thought that was young. By the time I was 58 I'd had another 4 and one on the way it felt like buses :-)

I wish I'd been younger then I could know them for longer.

Both my mum, DSis and DPs mum were grandmothers before they were 40. DNiece's other grandmother was even younger and is now a Great Grandmother in her mid/late 50s, as she heads three generations that became teen parents.

DSis is half jokingly thinking of having another baby, for the amusement/novelty factor that her grandson will be older than his new aunt/uncle.

Such a lot of judgey bollocks on this thread about young mums.
My own mum and dad had me and my sisters before she was 21 in the 1970s - none of us had children younger than 25 and she was still a gran at 41ish. She also spent 20 yrs raising us and supporting my dads career which requires frequent moves across the continent. The thing she says is that she was young and fearless with bags of energy. As an aside my sis is pregnant again in her late 30s, after having two chn in her mid 20s, and she is finding this pregnancy much more tiring and stressful despite doing a much less physically pressured job.
My mum started her own career properly in her late 30s after my dad's job changed and now has a kick ass career. I'm so proud of her and as far as she's concerned her timing was perfect for her.

Very common in those days - people didn't live as long and so they had children younger. The average age of motherhood is getting higher because we're living longer and more women have careers now as well.

I think that some people are getting carried away by the references to grandmothers. A pattern of women having children at 18 would give the current grandmother a birth date in 1981, hardly the olden days.

I pointed out average ages of first time mothers upthread, teenage mothers haven't been average since at least before the end of the nineteenth century.

Such a lot of judgey bollocks on this thread about young mums

Jumping there is also lots of judgey bollocks about mum's who have children in their 30s and grandparents in their sixties on this thread. You mention your mum having bags of energy when you were young but you also describe her starting her kick ass career in her late 30s, I guess she still had lots of energy then? Your sister being tired while pregnant in her late thirties is only a reflection of your sister's energy and her experiences of this particular pregnancy. Perhaps she's more tired because she also has two older children? I just don't recognise this cliff of energy loss that so many posters claim we fall off in our thirties. Also most people in their sixties and seventies are fit and active these days, I know people in their eighties who have busy lives, so the idea we should pity their grandchildren is pretty insulting.