To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

...may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

I'm not sure anybody is aspiring to it. I was a Mum at 19, DD is almost 17 now. I could become a Grandma now at 36, unlikely as DD has had the contraceptive implant but possible. If DD had a baby in the next 5/6 years I would obviously support her and love my Grandchild. That doesn't mean I aspire to be a young Granny. I don't at all, although I think I am more fearful of my children choosing to have a family with the wrong partner than the age that they have children. I think that makes a massive difference.
I found having a baby at 19 and 23 much easier than having my other two nearly 30 and 31. I certainly don't think age makes you a better parent, I've found being a Mum is a pretty good leveller as most Mums have similar struggles and joys no matter what age they are.

But HitandMirs, 24 is a lot different to 16. Or even to 19 or 20.

Although I think when people are saying that it's unlikely that young parents will have degrees, it is important to point out that this is untrue

I am surprised at that to be honest, I wouldn't have thought that the majority had degrees.
Just from my experience in healthcare.

I know of someone who became a grandmother aged 35. Surely in the 'olden' days when people married younger there would have been lots of grandparents in their early 40s.
Back then 40 was practically considered middle aged so it I assume it wouldn't have been a big deal.

My cousin was a granny at 36!

It must depend on social circle too. Of course some have degrees. I now live on a w/c area and it's more unusual for those who have had kids under 21 to have had degrees. Some are now looking to study at nearly 30. Statistically it surely is more unusual? And of course there's examples that defy statistics as always.

Many people will never have degrees. It does not equate to 'will never work, never do anything meaningful and productive and certainly never have children.'

I'm 49 and my youngest DC is 6 (had my eldest in my mid/late 20s), but many of my former classmates have grandchildren of that age, or older (I come from an economically deprived rural area where marrying straight out of school and having a kid the next year was still fairly normal, even in the 1980s).

I think that's changing tho. People expect a decade or so as young adults living for themselves and having fun now, no matter what their backgrounds... a good thing in my opinion!

Quite old but got lots of stats in it about education and employment.

<a class="break-all" href="http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130401151715/www.education.gov.uk/publications/eOrderingDownload/00597-2007BKT-EN.pdf" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130401151715/www.education.gov.uk/publications/eOrderingDownload/00597-2007BKT-EN.pdf

Gotta laugh at the people who hear something they don't like, and instantly accuse the poster who says it of 'talking crap.' Great argument. Says a lot more about them tbh.

FWIW, I agree with pretty much everything Margaret Cavendish says. And you would have to be very naive to think if you start having children at 19-20, that your life is going to be easy, that you're going to do a degree in your mid 20's, that you will sail into an amazing career, and have a wonderful fruitful life with a 6 figure salary, backpacking around the world with the kids and your nanny in your late 20's!

Get real!

Having kids before 20 is just setting yourself up for a life of drudgery, putting any higher education on hold, shelving any career for a long time, (maybe even for good,) having to constantly watch the pennies, rarely travelling anywhere, and having to always put your kids before ANYthing you ever do. That's the reality!

Anyone who DOES have that wonderful life after starting to have kids in their late teens, is the exception to the rule! And few and far between. Although there does seem to be an exceptional amount of posters on this thread who started having kids at 18-19 y.o. who have several university degrees, a huge house, an illustrious career, and a massive salary. Funny that.

In addition, re, this comment

reboot Id rather travel the world at 40 than 20

I had kids in my early 30's and travelled the world in my 20s, 30's, AND in my 40s. You won't be doing any travelling abroad for a LONG time, if you have kids in your teens. Why the hell would you want to wait til your 40's to go travelling? And don't kid yourself that you will be able to afford it by 40. You will probably still have kids at home then, and elderly parents to look after. So good luck with THAT plan.

And boo hoo to those who think people are being judgemental. People are just giving their views and opinions. Quit being so precious and hysterical. How DO people survive in the real world FFS?

Indeed armpitz but I am perfectly entitled to challenge the assertion made about degrees specifically.

Littlefrog to be honest, i do think most people I know who had children young have comparatively had an easier time of it than those who had them later.

Perhaps it's an expectation thing, but being expected to maintain a high powered career with little if any familial support is tough.

Conversely, having a part time job and support from your own still-fairly-young parents seems to work well for many of my peers.

Its a shame so many can't see that as I said, there are many happy and thriving children born to young families.

I'm 39, my dd1 is 16 this year..., hope not but could be reality.

Little frog - so you get to have an opinion but because we don't agree with you, we are being precious and hysterical?

I could say the same thing to you.

I feel this is a very judgey thread.

Im 24. Married and have 2 children under three.
Dh is 32 and has a good job and good wage.
I finished education while dc1 was weeks old and I was still bfing.
Currently I am out of work as dc2 is 6 months old.
While I agree teenage mums is a potentially bad situation it doesnt mean the 16 year old can go college, go uni, get a job.

Everyones situation is different. Its nothing to do with family or area its to do with someone having a baby.and making life for themselves.
Im a "common northerner" and Lots of people here have gone both way. Made a.fantasic life for them and their children while making 41 year old grandmas
To being on benefits and making 41 year ild grandmas ...

Like wise I know older girls 35 who quit their job as a single parent to be a stay at home mum.

Totally depends.

You COULD say the same thing about me hitandmrs but you wold be wrong.

Calm down littlefrog. Stop being so hysterical

Not everyone wants to go into further education. I certainly did not, never appealed to me. Same with Dh. We get by, no childcare costs as Dh works 6am-6pm I work 7pm-11pm. We don't need holidays, I hate flying so doesn't bother me. We planned our first child when we were 19, unfortunately had a mmc. Our second planned child was born 2 months before I turned 21. We both knew the sacrifices we would have to make but our family was worth it.
My parents had me when they were 40. My dad died when I was 18 and never got to meet his grandchildren. I get so angry that they had me so late that my children don't know there grandad and their grandma won't be around much longer due to bad health. They won't even remember the time they had with her when they are older.
My parents being older also meant that I only ever knew one grandparent and always wished I could of had time with the others and I'm sad that my siblings got time with them that I never had.

little what are you on about life doesn't revolve degerees get real love there is tonnes of adults who manage life without a degree and travelling and don't have a drudge of a life. And you do come over hysterical

I am surprised at that to be honest, I wouldn't have thought that the majority had degrees.

The majority I've encountered do have degrees, but I don't know if it's a majority in general. I didn't say a majority do, I just said that the assertion that it's "unlikely" is unfair, and hardly encouraging young parents to continue in education.

That said, the majority I've encountered were through the student parent society at my university, and fellow young parent bloggers. I don't know if the majority are university-educated in the general population, but there's no reason why they can't be. The support is there, but society is general dismissive of anyone who wants to continue in education after having a baby.

Vermillioncomfyshoes

I know how hard it is. My mat leave ran out when DS was still in hospital so I didnt go back to work - I wasn't going to go back to working 9=5 when he was still in hospital. Was a single mum but luckily with a very supportive mum and nan. Worked pt when he went to school. Now I work pt in a women's centre with grassroots women who know that raising children is hard work, demanding work but so many people now think that unless you have a career and degrees coming out of your arse you're worthless and workless (to quote Tony Bliar)

Those of us who are unpaid carers save the government billions each year. I am lucky my mum and very young nan were around to help me with DS. According to littlefrog any woman who has kids before 20 is setting herself up for a life of drudgery, what a load of old shit. Women should be able to have a baby at whatever age they feel comfortable with, with or without a father and claim benefits if they need to while they're raising their kids. Or are we saying that you should only have children if you have a jon to go back to so you can give all your wages to someone else (usually another woman) to look after your child? Or is it only the MC's that should be able to give birth?

And these are women posting this kind of stuff on here. I despair.

I think it would be wise if we stopped assuming a degree was synonymous with good parenting. It's not, we all know it's not.

oops job not jon!

Littlefrog, chill the fuck out.

Having kids before 20 is just setting yourself up for a life of drudgery, putting any higher education on hold, shelving any career for a long time, (maybe even for good,) having to constantly watch the pennies, rarely travelling anywhere, and having to always put your kids before ANYthing you ever do. That's the reality!

Oh shit, I'm clearly doing it wrong as none of this applies to me

Anyone who DOES have that wonderful life after starting to have kids in their late teens, is the exception to the rule!

Sorry, where's the rule book? Do I get a shiny badge for being the exception to an imaginary rule?

And few and far between.

Well, no, but if it makes you feel better about yourself to think that way...

My mum was younger than I am now (45) when I made her a granny She was married at 18 and had me at 19, I had my first at 25