To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

My sister is 35 and expecting her first grandchild. I'm not shocked by this. She has her first child at 16 too. It's her second eldest child that's expecting.

My Gran was 42 when I was born. My Dad was 26. She was 16 when she married and had my Dad, not unusual for the 50s. 26 is also a usual age for having a first child, is it not?

If my first pregnancy had gone to term (MC at 12 weeks) my mum would have been a grandmother at 41. She was 21 when I was born. As it turned out I was 31 and she was 53 when my DS was born.

My 2 biggest issues having my DD's at 22&23 were : postnatal group mum's in their 30's + telling me I didn't have a clue what I was doing and that I needed to sit with the ' other kids' they were approx 15/16 year olds and lovely girls but too young for me to talk with really. And everyone presuming I was claiming benefits and 'doing it to get a council place' my dh and I owned our own place and we're both working.

Oh and my dm being presumed to be the mother ! Which she couldn't be bothered to correct
I have loved being a young mum and showing my kids the world, my dp have loved having the energy to take them to theme parks and water parks and even snowboarding just don't ask them how to stop

My DM had my eldest sister at 17 and she (Dsis) had her first child at 18 so my DM became a grandmother at 35. My DM has a very successful career and my Dsis is a barrister so becoming a young mother doesn't mean your life is ruined or that you'll never be successful.
Whilst becoming a grandmother young may not be something to aspire to, it's also not something to be ashamed of IMO.

Maybe armpirz but it's not always easy to just do it years later is it? Life gets in the way. Also it's not just about education though people point to that because it's the obvious one and has quite a bearing on your earning opportunities, your income then having a bearing on many other aspects of your life and of course your child's life.

Not read the whole thread but there isn't half some judginess going on from what I have read.

I made DM a nan at 40, I had eldest DC at 20 (almost 21). I'm now 30 and have 3 DC in total - there won't be any more - and am about to get a promotion in my current job. It isn't as well paid as it might have been had I had DC later I suppose. I have a degree and will be going back to do a masters at some point in the next 3 years. Having to hold off due to a poorly DH.

My mother has a degree and a masters and is in a professional well-paid job. My DM's mum was also made a nan at 40, however she died when she was 45. She also had a degree and a masters and was doing well career wise at the time of her death.

I think it's been nice for my DC to have a younger nan. In comparison MIL was 57 when we had eldest DC. She's 65 now and finds it much more tiring now. My nan would have been 60 when I had DC1 and I'm quite gutted she wasn't still around to meet all my DC - I imagine she would have been quite hands on. My other nan was 75 and isn't very hands on due to various reasons. She loves being a great-grandmother though, I don't think she ever thought she would see great-grandchildren and her 5th one is due this month.

It's not necesssrily easy at any point :) Luckily, we don't have to go to university in order to tick the acceptable parent box!

My dm became a grandmother at 39, and a great-grandmother at 64 (and a very young, glamorous, 64 at that).

I became a great-aunt at 33. Will probably be a great-great-aunt by the time I'm through the menopause, and a great-great-great-aunt by the time I'm in my retirement.

Fairly standard for us common-as-muck northerners. We have to make our own entertainment (too poor for tellies) so we just procreate prematurely (in between studying for our bachelors degree and two post-graduate degrees, plus diplomas and professional careers. Yup, it's definitely a class and region thing, OP!

I think it's probrably easier to study than work with very young dcs tbh. I certainly find holding down a senior role easier with dcs of 11&13 than my colleagues with pre-school or primary age dcs.

My mum was a grandma at 42. I.got pregnant and had my daugter at 21 in the july. I turned 22 in the august and mum 43 in.the october.
Mum had me at 21 tho to be fair.xxx

My Mum became a step Granny at 42.

But for her bio children she became a Granny at 52. I always think 50-60 is about right to be a granny but as long as the GC are looked after then it doesn't really matter the age of the granny.

DHs aunt became an Aunty at 36 I believe. Had her DD at 21 and her DD had her first at 15. Pretty bombers really.

Actually it was me who said it was a class and regional thing.

And I've made it pretty obvious I'm supportive of people having children when THEY want to!

In other words

There's nothing wrong with being working class!

All these 'well I had my baby at 19 but I have ten degrees' just imply there is. It shouldn't be 'i had my baby at 22 but I'm still MC, honest.' It's as simple as 'I had my baby at 22 because that's what I wanted.'

Aboit 7 years ago ( haven't checked since) median age of grandparents was 42.

My mum had me at 23 and I had my first at 23 so she was a young grandmother. All high earners, well-travelled, degree educated etc, we just do it young here. Now I'm my 30s and seeing my same age friends just settling into planning weddings and buying houses and with experience of the sleepless nights and nappies to come I'm quite glad we did.

I was a geriatric first time mum at 37 and made my poor old parents wait til their late 60s to be Grandparents. The thought of being a granny at my age (39) is massively shocking to me because I'm desperately clinging onto my youth, but I wouldn't get excited or judge about anyone else who happened to have kids younger. You do what works for you.

Dixie wow that's well paid. I didn't know construction paid that well, well done to them.

I was in a professional upper m/c.area when I had my first at 30. I was the youngest in my nct group.

I've moved to a different more w/c area and feel.in general quite out of place. I think of 20 as really young for a baby but most around here think that's average. Many of my mum friends are 10 years younger than me. It's not about money though, as above many traditionally blue collar jobs pay well or well enough. I'm in awe of the close family relationships around me where it's not common to leave for uni/work so gran and.aunt etc.are young,local and involved in the children's.life. I think it's got a lot going for it.so much more support than we get!!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe

Yes, everything you said. Exactly that.

It plays into this idea that you have to be "the exception to the rule" doesn't it, armpitz? When really, there is no rule and there are no exceptions. There is no big rule book on "how to be a young parent". We feel the need to justify ourselves, to say "Look at me! I'm not like those young parents, I'm a good one - please accept me!".

Although I think when people are saying that it's unlikely that young parents will have degrees, it is important to point out that this is untrue.

Anyone interested in issues faced by young parents in seeking education and employment, and with the social stigma and pressure, this is a really interesting website. I wrote for them in 2015 about the fallacies of "the exception to the rule" and "the good kind of young parent".

Indeed Ovaries

Good post.

This thread is so fucking judgemental it's untrue. Get off your high horse, dear me.
I had my DD at 24. I have a degree, my DH has two 1st class degrees. We don't sponge off society and we aren't from a 'poor background.'
Actually - even if we didn't have degrees and careers etc, what gives you the right to rip someone to shreds for having children young?
Well done for having them in your 30s - aren't you perfect.

To throw in some support to older grandparents my own parents have grandchildren ranging from early twenties to five years old. The youngest has benefitted far more from the fact that they have been retired for his whole life. He has got to spend far more time with them and despite being in their seventies they are not lacking in energy to keep up with him.

"The average age at which people become grandparents for the first time is between 48-52 years of age."