To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

I'm 21, i work part time, my partner works full time. I'm also studying at the moment. Our DS is on nursery 3 days a week and i also have a step son who lives with us.

I'm not going to lie we don't have the most money, but we are ok. I am so, so glad that i had my son at 20. I still have my career, i will inevitably carry on getting pay rises, better jobs etc especially with me studying. By the time he's 10 I'll have a decent career.

The reason i am so motivated is our children. I was not half as determined or commited to work and studying as i am now.

Yes not all 21 year olds would want to be on my situation but I'm glad i am.

I do think though everyone's different, and it's fine to have your kids young if that's what you want, and it's great to have them later too if you prefer. It's just personal choice and we shouldn't judge any parent on their age.

When I'm 41 my eldest will be 22. I had her at nineteen so could be a gran.

It is what it is. I'm still with my husband since 14, got our own business, house, cars. Go multiple holidays a year. I'm honestly delighted to be passed the baby stage and couldn't think of amything worse than starting now in my thirties and feel sorry for friends who still have to go through the baby stage of sleepless nights and nappies etc.

I do think 14/15/16 is too young, but 18/19/20 is fine. I had ds relatively young (compared to our peer group) and there are more pros than cons in going early IMO.

21 is actually a bloody good age to have a baby. Physically it's a good age, energy levels are good, fertility is high. Of course if you're a very materialistic person you may worry about income.

You may not mean people like me Margaret but what you are talking about IS people like me and so I repeat you're talking crap.

Dh worked when we had Dd at 21 he had been working 5 years no we didn't have much but dd was clean fed and housed we paid rent and bills andeven a holiday every year .sweeping generalisations about younger parents are offensive. I have known Dh 28 years I have not missed out on anything different strokes and all that. Our children did as well in school as their peers with older parents .

In your late twenties you're still just getting started in your career (assuming you go the path of degree, post grad etc.) so waiting would be pushed to the thirties and risks start increasing in the thirties (and also the chances of conceiving decrease - peak fertility being around 27).

Both my DM and I had our first children at 21. Due to when her birthday falls in the year, she was a grandma at 41. I wouldn't have thought it were that unusual.

Of course if you're a very materialistic person you may worry about income.

Yep, you're right, only a materialistic monster thinks about whether they can afford a baby before they have one.

My mums mum was 38 when my mum was born and died aged 83 when I was 16. It didn't seem to matter then but I wish we'd had an adult relationship. Makes me a bit sad when my colleagues grand parents are dying now. Because they got the chance to have that adult relationship and to see their great grand children.

If my dc have dc the age i was when i had them i will be about 78 when they are born. Which i find really depressing. So I am hoping they have them younger than i did.

However, round my way 40s is normal start a family. In ds1 preschool out of his friends mums, one is 42, two are 44 and one is 48. I am 40.

Actually Magaret there is a move for hcps to advise women to have babies in their 20's. Easier pregnancies, less birth complications and less chance of developmental problems in the dcs. Biologically speaker I think the ideal time is about 22.

Yes I think 41 is pretty young to become a gran. I became one 5 days after my 43rd birthday and thought THAT was young,but since then I have found that it is not as uncommon as I had previously thought to become a gran in your early 40s. I was 19 when I had my DD and she was 23 when she had my DGD. I love being a gran,especially as I thought I may never get to be one. My DD had maintained all through her teens that she wasn't keen on having children. But when she was 20 she met her future DH. They married 2 and a half years later and a week after she got married,discovered she was pregnant. It was unintentional,but she has never regretted it for a minute I'm glad to say.

Haven't read the whole thread but a girl I was at school with (so is just turned 40) became a grandma last September. About 3 weeks ago she welcomed her newest son. She is a very glam gran/new mum!

Margaret what would you say to a couple who will always work in low paid jobs, who will never go to university?

They will work, and work hard, but perhaps never earn much beyond £20,000 p/a.

Should they wait to have a baby just to avoid judgement?

What's the point of that?

Childcare costs are minimal in my country so having children young and going back to work after a year or two (same or similar job guaranteed) is pretty easy. Childcare here is also available around the clock for shift workers. So waiting until your 30s is a pretty silly choice where I live.

Supporting a baby at 21 doesn't take a lot more than supporting yourself. Obviously you can spend thousands but you don't have to. Being able to afford a baby is a non argument. What people actually mean is they want to afford other stuff as well as a baby.

I'm 57, DC's are 20 and 18 and no
plans to be a grandmother for a long, long time. DD doesn't want children which I'm quite happy about.

HoldBackTheRain

You just made me feel a whole lot better about myself.
I had my first daughter at 26 and she was born with significant leaning disabilities. Of course those difficulties were not properly diagnosed by any doctor or specialist until she was much older.
It was only myself who knew that she was not quite the same as everybody else's baby. She wasn't doing the stuff that she ought to be doing at her age. But nobody really believed me.

It wasn't until she was 7 years old that we had DNA tests and she was diagnosed as having Angelman Syndrome.

I wanted to go out to work. I needed to go out to work. I needed to
go out, if only on a part time basis, to maintain some normality in my life. To talk to other grown up people and be a part of the business I'd worked in for seven years previously.

But no, I could not do that. My daughter is also epileptic, so I would need to leave work if she took a fit while I was at work.
I got a job at my local pub, in the kitchen, so that I would not be missed that much if I had to leave.

It happened that I had to leave early quite often. Nobody said anything, and nobody minded. But still, I knew it was unacceptable.

That's enough , really.
I would have loved nothing better than to have a proper job when my kids got to school l age. But I had a child with severe LD and alsio given to the odd epileptic fit. So I had to stay home with her, bless her little cotton socks.

So I am left with no pension and no recognition of how much cash I've saved the government by single handedly caring for my daughter until she is 34 years old.

I could have had a job that would have secured me a pension.
But I couldn't keep the job because I have cared for my LD daughter.
For very many years. It fucking sucks because I loved my job and I would have hoped I could carry on doing it.

Most peeps here have 'normal' kids and could probs get an auntie or uncle or sister or brother or granny or granddad or maybe even friends to keep any eye on their babies for an hour or two.

that was never an option for me. I had NOBODY.
For 10 years I went nowhere.

Northernlurker Sorry, is childcare free where you live? Unless one of you happens to just not work anyway then having a baby takes a hell of a lot more than supporting yourself.

My dad became a grandparent at 51.

My mum became a grandparent at 38.

It's not a big deal either way really is it? I think it's good to have slightly younger grandparents as they are more likely to be able to be hands on. And of course, hopefully have more time with their grandchildren. My DF passed away suddenly recently, had I waited until I was older to have children (I was 21 when my DD was born) he would not have lived to see meet them

I became a (step) grandmother at 35, then had Dd2 at 37.

My Dd's niece is 2 years older than her

Im Irish and I'm sure many people will be aware of the shameful and horrific history we have in Ireland regarding young unmarried mothers and their children. I certainly don't think young mothers should be judged or looked down upon in any way.

However I don't think it's judgemental to suggest that for most it is far from ideal in this day and age to have a child very young. It's not all about university or travelling the world of course but it's foolish to suggest parenthood at a young age doesn't limit that young woman's opportunities in terms of education, establishing a career, career progression and so on. Yes some can still do it but for the majority there are often just too many obstacles.

It's difficult enough for young people who are educated and don't have another person dependent on them to get jobs with prospects or get on the housing ladder, so much harder to be 18, 19, 20 with a baby or toddler, competing for jobs against people with qualifications, needing childcare or some flexibility in order that they can also be a parent to their child. The reality is that low paid and low skilled work is for many all they can get, often needing to be topped up by benefits which of course can be cut or changed depending on government policy of the day.

Of course there are those who've overcome the obstacles and most people don't "regret" a child who is already here and loved. It just doesn't have to be such a hard road and it's not something I would ever want for my child. So yes, I'd hate to be a gran at 40 but not because of vanity or embarrassment. It's because being a young gran suggests your child has become a parent young and therefore life has become that much more difficult for them.

Northern let's put it this way.

My childcare bill for three days a week at nursery, is more than my mortgage.

verm I had DS 15/16 managed to go through GCE'S ..A Levels and University. When he was three he was diagnosed with having a social communication disorder and later on verbal dyspraxia. He is now at a private specialist school ( which I secured for him when I was 20).

Just letting you know that your not the only person on this thread who doesn't have a child with difficulties.

CantSleep, I don't really see it that way.

There are two types of people: those who will go onto further education and those who won't.

Those who will will either do so before or after children.

No biggie.