To think 41 is v v young for a granny??

[TinfoilHattie]

I'm 44. Recently I have been back in touch with some people I was at school with on Facebook - haven't seen these people for over 20 years, nearer 25 probably. I'm quite surprised at the number who are already grandparents - I saw a picture of a toddler on one of their FB pages, assumed it was their child but no, a grandchild having their third birthday. Granny is the same age as me.

My mum was 27 when she had me and became a grandparent at 58. My inlaws were the same age. My eldest is 14 and I am not expecting to be a granny much before I'm 60, so that's my "normal". Cannot imagine being a granny by 41 and may be a bit unreasonable thinking it's nothing to aspire to?

It doesn't, Emilia!

But I do have a friend who got pregnant at 18. Not planned but she married her boyfriend and decided after having her DD in March 2008 to have another one - their logic was to have their family then study.

So she got pregnant again when her DD1 was a year old and had twins (!) Christmas 2009.

She's now a midwife!

Stop being to fucking judgemental. At least the 41 year old will likely get to see their grandkids grow up and the kids will know their GPs well.

I had mine in my 30s as did my parents.
They're now in their 70s, unwell and my dad probably won't be around this time next year.

My DD probably won't remember him and my DS will never know him as a teen / adult. They will both miss out on having this lovely man in their lives.

So no, I don't judge for a fucking second. The DC with the 41 yo GPs will have their GP in their lives for a long time and really know them and have shared experiences together.

I wish I could swap places with them.

Like I say Margaret two people earning minimum wage even can support a young family.

And relationship success isn't an age thing, it's a twat thing.

Dm become a granny in her early 40's. And she had her latest grandchild now in her 60's. I can tell you which grandchild has benefited the most. Undoubtedly the oldest. Dm was nearly 20 years younger, had far more energy and time. Now she is disabled and as she put its, feels old. She doesnt have the same time or energy as she did in her 40s. In a way it is a shame as none of the other grandchildren have the same relationship with her as the first grandchild. Not that this is her fault obviously, but thats how her health has sadly worked out. Personally i dont get the snobbery at looking down at teenage mothers. I had ds (the first grandchild) when i was 19. I had my next ds over 10 years later. There was a huge difference. Nature is not stupid and despite social constructs, women are meant to have children earlier in their life.

I am 47 and have a 3 year old granddaughter. I'm not in brilliant health so I am thankful for having the time to really enjoy her (and any others that may arrive in due course). My mum had me when she was 41, 3 of my grandparents were already dead and the remaining one was already showing signs of dementia. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I had my first ds at 19 and my second at 21 - my mum became a granny at 45... I'm 22 now and have owned my house since 19 and been married since 21. I also chose to have my children young and would not change it for the world. I never cared for partying or a fancy career ... I just wanted to be a mum and it was the best choice I ever made. I was brought up in an extremely middle class household and do not rely on any benefits so this post is really quite insulting!

And relationship success isn't an age thing, it's a twat thing.

Yes!!!! DP and I both had children at the same age, with other people. Both our ex partners were twats tbh. Wasn't our age. Was our crappy choice in partners. I did everything "by the book" with marriage, job, house, babies. And it didn't work out. But fuck it, I'm 34 with a great life now 😁

Well, I met the first grannie younger than me when I was 32.

If my DCs make me a grannie at the same age I was when I had my first DC, I will be 74.

@scanbran I guess I am getting my knickers in a twist tbh. It just makes me angry because all these stereotypes are ones I've had people ask me about all the time when they find out I'm only 20. It's not much of a big deal as I look older but if I didn't I'd feel embarrassed to go out with my DD? I don't think that's fair and I think that people on this thread should realise the damage they're doing.

I know what you mean. I am older now and have realized that I was/am happy with my decisions and I don't need to justify myself to anyone. If they have a problem with it then that is really no skin off my nose. People have lots of opinions about things, but it really doesn't need to affect us.

I became a nana at 37. I am now 38 with a 7 month old granddaughter 😍😍😍

She is fantastic and we love her to bits.

Well personally i am enjoying having no school children at 45 me and he can do whatever we want all the parenting M'larky is behind us. so if a grandchild arrives we would welcome it not that Dds are planning it anytime soon.

But you said she was staying at home 'enjoying [her children]' from 21 to 26? You're suddenly now talking about years of slog - given that minimum wage isn't going to cover full-time childcare, you're going to need to have one parent working night shifts or similar to make that work. That's a life many people manage very successfully, but I don't think anyone would say it's easy. Now that it turns out that your suggested choices are working full time for minimum wage with small children or waiting a decade and doing it on a professional wage and able to afford high-quality childcare, is it really so surprising that people choose to wait?

Also, while obviously people do find the love of their life at 21 (many of them on this thread, of course) statistically relationships at 21 aren't as likely to last as ones formed later in life, and it's silly to ignore that. There very much is a correlation between age and longevity of relationship.

And from an evolutionary point of view, 14-15 is probably a great time to have a baby!
No, not really.
Girls who are pregnant at 14 are classed as high risk for fetal abnormalities, health issues in pregnancy and labour.

Yes Margaret: one possible scenario.

Or she is working PT.

Or she is working FT.

Either way, without childcare costs, it is possible to support a young family without earning ££££. Outside of London, I guess but I don't live in London. I'm not mad keen on the place!

If you want great-grandparents to be a thing, then people have to become grandparents closer to 40 than to 60. If it becomes universal to have babies at 35, then very shortly nobody will have ever met any of their great-grandparents, because 3 x 35 = 105 years old.

My husbands mum had him at 19
And then we had our first daughter at 20 so his mum was only 39 (one day before she was 40)
And my mum was 45

And obviously if my daughter has children at 20 like I did then I'd also be 40

My GGparenrs were born in queen Victoria's time which is odd. I'm 35.

Nothing wrong with a granny of 41. DMIL was 59 when ds came along (I was 28, DH was 29) and she felt that was too young- bonkers.

I went to school with a girl who had a daughter aged 14. Her daughter then became a mum at 18 - so girl I knew was a granny aged 32!

My granny became a granny aged 34! But granny abandoned her kids when my mum (eldest of 3) was 14 hence why my mum went off the rails and had my brother aged 16!

I laugh now when I think that my grandma became a granny with my DB a year before my DH was born whose DM was actually 5 years older as a first time mum!

Now work that out if you can!

MargaretCavendish you're talking crap.

I was just 21 when dd was born. Dh supported us both. I started part time evening work when she was just over a year. We had our second child when I was 23 and our third at 30. We own our own home, I have a successful career as does dh, our eldest just went to university to study medicine. Oh and I got my degree on schedule despite being heavily pregnant when I wrote my first class mark dissertation and breastfeeding when I did finals.

The generalisations on this thread are highly offensive.

Totally agree Northern it is awful.

Well I was a teen mum...had DS 15/16, Graduated from University at 22 (did a four- year degree) and hoping to either do a Masters or a second degree as I will need this to get into the career I really want.

I think this thread is going to bring out the judgemental comments surrounding teen/young parents.

I forgot to say that we have never claimed benefits except for child benefit and job seekers twice when dh was made redundant AND we are still married. To each other!

MargaretCavendish you're talking crap.

Erm, cheers, but I've actually been clear throughout that I was talking about the average woman who has a baby at 21. Clearly that wasn't your trajectory and that's great, but it's ridiculous to pretend that every woman who gets pregnant at 20 has a story like yours. I was responding to a post that said we should actively encourage women to have children at 21; I don't think it's any insult at all to you for me to say that I strongly disagree with that.

I guess the problem here is that you have to see it.

There really, truly are plenty of couples below the age of 25 in stable, loving relationships, with happy, secure children and warm relations with extended family members.

There are also some young struggling single mums with chaotic lives. There are similarly many stressed out fortysomethings with primary aged children juggling a demanding job with little support and knocking back a bit too much gin every night. There are also many happy loving families in their forties with young children who got degrees, travelled extensively, conquered the world blah blah then had DC1.

There's no way that's 'right' or 'wrong.'

It's happiness that counts.