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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people can afford holidays/nice things if they just save?

186 replies

user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 15:49

I have a friend who constantly complains that she wished she could go on holiday, buy this, have money for that etc.

She has a decent job, a nice house, doesn't need/want for anything, she probably eats takeaway 2 times a week (maybe 3) I see this as a waste of money

let's say that's 15 each go, 30/45 euros a week.... lately she's really been complaining and wishing for a holiday, surely if she just stopped having takeaways she'd be able to afford it.. a week in the sun isn't that expensive; book out of season, her and 1 young child possibly 500 total IF even for a week!..

I've said to her before, in a nice way, if you cut down on unnecessary costs you'll have extra in no time.

She's not unhealthy, she just loves pigging out!
Aibu to be annoyed by her constant giving out when I've told her?

OP posts:

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 17:47

Benefits are not in general paid weekly. I don't think you know anything about claiming or conditionality either

She's not in the UK and probably knows how benefits work in her country better than you!

(I'm not agreeing with OP, by the way, but some people can't understand that not everyone on MN is in the uk, and that other countries are different)

ZilphasHatpin · 19/03/2017 17:48

Pointstaken, who are these people choosing not to work? Are you in the U.K.?

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 17:49

Hungry hippo thanks I'm good now xxx but threads like this piss me off.

My ex was so abusive. He would flush my pill. Not wear Condoms. I've posted it before. I snuck off to get a coil and had to get the strings cut short short and I never told him. I was physically and emotionally abused by him and raped.

And a thread that says everyone can save? Balls. Total and utter balls. I couldn't and I refuse to feel bad about that. I fed and clothed my children and went without. But I didn't do anything any different to what thousands of parents in this country do for their kids every day. It's a fucking struggle a hard life and I wish there was a better system in the uk to give better support and faster.

pointstaken · 19/03/2017 17:49

I am also fed up of people pretending that there are no jobs and they are desperate to find something, anything. We can't find employees and we have to recruit abroad! That's the area I am working in, and we have to tell clients that they will have to employ non British citizen because we can't find any. Brexit is going to create a lot of problems, and I am aware it's not politically correct to say it, but many employers would prefer British employees. (we are talking about 35 hours week, well above minimum wage for example, but in one company: people don't want to work on Sundays).

The "there are no jobs in England" drives me nuts. It is not true.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2017 17:50

I think I'd better tell all my service users who have to complete mandatory job search requirements to save the fare and move to Ireland immediately then.

pointstaken · 19/03/2017 17:51

Pointstaken, who are these people choosing not to work? Are you in the U.K.?

I am not going to give you a name and address for them, am I! Yes, they are in Greater London, and they definitively do not want to work because they are better off the way they are now.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 17:51

I couldn't get a job. I tried for months. I couldn't get a job on shifts because I had no childcare. I needed a stable place to,live which I didn't have at first and I needed to get my kids settled and stable.

Fuck me.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2017 17:52

pointstaken I have plenty of job seeking clients who would be prepared to work on Sundays. You can't say your experience is replicated everywhere.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 17:55

I had no local childcare open on a Sunday. Childminders here don't do Sundays and the nursery wasn't open on a Sunday. I couldn't work a Sunday. Or a Saturday come to that. Nursery and childminder Monday to Friday 7.30-6 for nursery, 8-6 for local childminder at the time.

I did try.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 17:57

And a thread that says everyone can save? Balls. Total and utter balls

It doesn't say that.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 17:58

The thread title does.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 17:58

I think I'd better tell all my service users who have to complete mandatory job search requirements to save the fare and move to Ireland immediately then

They wouldn't get anything if they haven't been habitually resident for 2 years, afaik.
Being on the dole is significantly easier in Ireland than the UK though, from what I know of it.

Original poster

user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 17:58

jesus anne, no one / me or anyone claimed to 'know' anything about what life was like for you.. so sing another song would you.

im telling people what the benefit system in ireland is like, i know nothing about your situation or uk.

OP posts:

Euripidesralph · 19/03/2017 17:59

I realise the thread has moved on but in terms of the op

I think it's not reasonable without being very close to the person to understand why they spend their money on things

I have two small dc and work full time (and then some) and am going through a divoice. ..takeaway isn't my thing because I'm losing weight but I definately spend money on convenience items that yes I probably could save on

But on a bad week it can be the little treat that honestly gets me through the day....for example I drop the kids off at nursery and drive two hours to work ....now often I'll stop and get a coffee on the way....it's my only period of peace....the only time someone somewhere doesn't want something from me , yes I could take a homemade one but getting two kids out of the house like that means often I don't have time to make that coffee and look reasonable for work so coffee on the way it is

It does add up I admit and if I haven't got the money I don't buy it but honestly sometimesay that coffee is what keeps me sane, for a single while I am not required to do or be or say anything but drink my coffee in peace

It sounds ridiculous bit it really is what ets me through sometimes , my mother on the other hand would be disgusted and consider it insanely proflocate

Saying all of that I don't moan about lack of holidays etc , but I wouldn't also appreciate someone commenting that I should cut that out and save

ImFuckingSpartacus · 19/03/2017 17:59

The thread title does

Not really. People doesn't mean ALL people, necessarily, and the content of the OP shows that its not meant to mean all people.
You're arguing against something you invented yourself.

pointstaken · 19/03/2017 17:59

ilovesooty

you are lucky, because we just recruited a team of Italian/ French/Polish people for a specific client, we couldn't get an English person. We might have a few who are ok with Sundays at interviews, but then quit before the actual start when they realise the Sundays are not negociable.

I also know a pest control company who could not recruit a decent PA. The company was not good enough to put on someone's cv.

I have so many examples like that. I have no problem recruiting non English/British/ RU staff. Sometimes there simply is not a choice.
This is why the "there are no jobs" in this country drives me nuts. I am witnessing every day that it is not true.

katseyes7 · 19/03/2017 18:01

I was on ESA from April last year til January this year. l had my hip replacement in August, complications meant l needed more surgery in September. Before that l was in the same job for 28 years, before my mother died, and l moved to where l live now. Don't smoke, don't drink, and don't go out. Don't get takeaways.
l switched to Jobseekers in February. l get just over half my (private) rent in housing benefit, the rest l pay myself. l'm looking for a job, but as l'm 60 next year and have health conditions which limit me (which the jobcentre have agreed to) no luck so far.
The money l get in benefits, once l've paid my rent and council tax, leaves me with £42 a month. My gas and electric payment should be £37, but l've had to reduce that. l've used up every penny of my savings topping up, there's nothing left now.
l'd consider this to be "skint". Not "skint but can afford a holiday."
l've recently applied for my work pension 18 months early, and was turned down, so l've appealed. Still waiting to hear about that. lf it wasn't for the kindness of friends (l have no family except a cousin, back up 'home') l'd have been in dire straits a long time ago.
l'm damn lucky to have those friends, and as soon as l'm able l'll repay them.
lt's all about priorities. lf you're constantly having to rob Peter to pay Paul, it's depressing, even over a short period of time. l honestly don't know how people cope when it's like this for years. Sometimes you have to just get a takeaway or a treat to get you through it.

Original poster

user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 18:02

everyone can stop with the smart comments.

'lets all move to ireland!'

just because you have nothing else to comment on, yes, exactly, the ireland benefit system is easier than the rest of the world. but you have to be a registered resident for a number of years first, or a natural citizen.

and for the last time anne, for the record its horrible to hear about your situations previously, but no one/ including myself ever said they expected you could save.. as numerous people have told you i never said you. sorry you felt that i did.
in extreme situations like that no one would expect anyone to be thinking about saving :S i'm generally on about my friend and people who give out about missing holidays etc when they could save if they wanted to.. so please..

OP posts:

pointstaken · 19/03/2017 18:04

There would be a huge market for Sunday childminders or nurseries. I am not in favour of weekend work at all to be fair, but at least all our emergency services need to work weekends. I agree there should be more help.

That said, the majority of people who refused to work on Sundays in my particular example did not have a family, or so they said.

Original poster

user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 18:05

yeah its that same constant line in ireland too.. ''there are no jobs'' biggest bs i've heard in my life, in my experience of course..

since I was 16 I've had about 6 different hospitality jobs..yeah i know its better to have one or two for a longer number of years, but you get the idea... there's plenty if you put in the effort, i remember one occasion where i left one job and the next week i had a new one

OP posts:

ShoutOutToMyEx · 19/03/2017 18:09

It's not ridiculous Euripides, I would think most people could empathise. Hope you keep enjoying your coffees

hellejuice91 · 19/03/2017 18:24

I have a friend who is quite similar she regularly can't afford to do things, but then she has takeaway every other day. It can be really annoying when you want to go out for a meal etc and she says the normal 'I can't afford it' but then I've seen her have a £30 Dominos pizza the night before when we'd had the meal for ages.

That being said I know that she doesn't earn a great deal and can't afford large treats easily (I'm talking about holidays, new furniture etc) and it can be quite miserable for her not having anything and that in one such way she can treat herself.

YANBU when it comes to not wanting to hear it though, Next time just explain this to her

ZilphasHatpin · 19/03/2017 18:26

and they definitively do not want to work because they are better off the way they are now.

So they just ring the dole office and say "I'm not interested in working, here's my bank account details for you to send my 'opting out of work' benefits"?

IamRonnieBiggs · 19/03/2017 18:27

Some people can't see how saving a little gets you a lot of money

BIL used to buy a McDonald's for him and the guy who worked for him TWICE a day
DH asked him how much he thought it cost him a year 'a few hundred quid'
DH spent a looong time with a piece of paper and a calculator trying to make him see it could be £3/4000....

He also complained he 'couldn't afford holidays'

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 18:32

This thread is upsetting.

I couldn't do hospitality work because I couldn't do shifts.

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