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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people can afford holidays/nice things if they just save?

186 replies

user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 15:49

I have a friend who constantly complains that she wished she could go on holiday, buy this, have money for that etc.

She has a decent job, a nice house, doesn't need/want for anything, she probably eats takeaway 2 times a week (maybe 3) I see this as a waste of money

let's say that's 15 each go, 30/45 euros a week.... lately she's really been complaining and wishing for a holiday, surely if she just stopped having takeaways she'd be able to afford it.. a week in the sun isn't that expensive; book out of season, her and 1 young child possibly 500 total IF even for a week!..

I've said to her before, in a nice way, if you cut down on unnecessary costs you'll have extra in no time.

She's not unhealthy, she just loves pigging out!
Aibu to be annoyed by her constant giving out when I've told her?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 16:05

Public transport to airport, I live 2.5 hours from my nearest airport and manage to get buses for 10 euros a head each way....

cook while you're over there, go for really cheap dinners..
lot's of ways to have a budget holiday, and even handier that you can pay off hotels now instead of paying hundreds upfront

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 19/03/2017 16:05

I agree, it depends on your definition of holiday. To us, a holiday is a week in another part of the country in a self catered place. To others it's a fortnight abroad, or a cruise, or Disney.

Do you know if she goes without nights/days out, visits to the cinema or theatre, new clothes? Perhaps that's why she has takeaways.

ZilphasHatpin · 19/03/2017 16:05

OP if she asks for advice again your far better helping her decide where she wants to go on holiday, working out the cost and telling her how much she'll need to save every week to pay for it. Leave it up to her how she saves the money. It's not up to you to decide her takeaways are the culprit.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 19/03/2017 16:08

Surely it depends on what someone income is? And then what outgoings they have?

I've always been lucky and been able to have a bit or what I want but I imagine if your on a really low wage, live in an expensive part of the country for example it's not as simple as just save. I also think if somebody is on the bones of there arse just managing to feed to children they cant just save.

And this is spot on Failing to see the bigger picture is understandable. £15 for a takeaway, she's had a shit week, she wants a curry, she's not likely to sit there and think "I know, I won't have a takeaway, I'll put the £15 towards a holiday I might be able to afford in a year's time". Very few people think like that

Original poster
user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 16:08

This is why i was hesitating making this post... the assuming brigade...
''work a bit harder like me'' woman, give it up! I'm actually younger than you think and don't have a family of my own, I'm not a snob.

Transfers are more expensive than public transport, you could easily get an apartment or hotel room in spain for 150 total for a week if you're willing to stay nowhere fancy...

flights then, money to spend left over. I'm talking February, March. (I've done it myself so yes you can get this price)

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 19/03/2017 16:08

YABU to say that people can afford holidays if they just save. Some people cant and are strugglimg.

YANBU to look at your friend and want her to stop complaining that she cant go on holiday whilst spending lots on takeaway

Original poster
user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 16:10

and of course everyone can't just save, but I drew the picture, I told you she's not skrimping as it is, she has a nice house, doesn't really need or want for general things in life, she just spends her disposable income on takeaways but then complains of no holiday

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 19/03/2017 16:10

So complain to her that you wish you could have takeaways but you can't have both holidays and takeaways so have to choose....

BillSykesDog · 19/03/2017 16:12

If she's a single parent her takeaways are probably less about 'pigging out' and more about a break from a constant round of cooking.

Her lack of holiday probably isn't all to do with money either. I imagine it would be lonely and hard work to go away with a toddler and not much fun at all.

Kalinka16 · 19/03/2017 16:13

Are you my friend...?? Sounds like me Blush

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 19/03/2017 16:18

YABU because you sound really judgemental. Everyone likes to have a moan every now and again about life, it doesn't mean they want a smug answer from their "friend" on how to fix it. I'm sure your friend would be mortified if she thought you were being so judgemental about her on a public forum.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 19/03/2017 16:18

Why are you saying 'people' when in this instance you mean 'person'?

LadyPW · 19/03/2017 16:20

You can't complain (or can but shouldn't) if you want something and could afford it if you cut back on non-essentials elsewhere and don't. So on that YANBU.
And agree that if you're having a holiday you're not "properly skint". If you're not having a holiday (or other non-essentials) and can't afford to eat then you're properly skint.

GreenPeppers · 19/03/2017 16:20

YABU if you think you can tell her where she needs to save that money. Everyone spends money in different places. Some like nice foods or take away, some prefer to save money for hols, some prefer to never go to the cinema or prefer to not take Sky.
Bottom line, there as many ways to spend and save money as there are people so it's up to her to évidé where to spend that money.

YANBU. No point moaning that you can't have a hols when you don't make an effort to save that money. I agree that some stuff, such as a take away isnt an essential and could be cut if she wanted. So it's more a question of making the take away more important than. The hols. Moaning and grumbling about it isn't going to change that!!

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 16:20

So when I was a single parent to two kids on the bones of my arse without literally a spare penny shitting myself if there was a pound needed for no -uniform day, if I'd just saved I could have afforded holidays and nice things?

Where was that savings supposed to come from?

PlumsGalore · 19/03/2017 16:20

next time she says she cant afford a holiday reword your response, don't say you could if you saved, just say "we really can't afford one easily but we decided not to eat takeaway or a buy a Starbucks for a year and what we save pays for a nice little break".

When we had not much money we never ate takeout or café coffee or even went out much, we always had a holiday. Rented apartment in Spain with pool, self catered, bread and cheese for lunch, only 1 or two cheap meals out, minimal spending money.

Peoples expectations and entitlements differ hugely, YANBU to think she isn't making the effort, however some people REALLY live hand to mouth and have nothing to save so perhaps your header needs adjustment.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2017 16:21

I never cease to marvel at the people on here who value their friendship with others so little that they're happy to post about them and their views of their finances to the world out there.

Babbaganush · 19/03/2017 16:21

My PIL are like this - they have a reasonable income but are useless with money! They waste so much and then moan about not being able to afford things.
They got into a real mess a few years ago and I helped them to set up a budget, change energy supplier, shop around for insurance (they used to renew every year and bought it via the bank). I can do no more - they still make poor choices but it's their money to waste! What makes me angry is when they moan about it!!!!

Original poster
user1488487346 · 19/03/2017 16:21

Well she seems to do a bit of shopping every 2 weeks (when with me) thats how i know, she might pick up a new nice top lets say for a night out once in a while, or might get her hair done once every 2 months

OP posts:
GreenPeppers · 19/03/2017 16:23

And yes you are right that you u can get some really cheap hols. But it won't be during the summer or somewhere fancy.

What she is saying is that she wants the fancy hols in the summer (as I'd everyine ouod afford that) wo changing anything of the way she is living.
That's not going to work.

ifonly4 · 19/03/2017 16:25

The problem is that she probably sees takeaways as essential and perhaps other items which the rest of us would only have 2/3 times a year.

I have a lovely friend who has the same style house, same amount on mortgage a couple of years ago, one car (like us) and they're always going overdrawn/having family give them money for things and yet their income is approx £10,000 pa more than ours - we don't have a luxurious lifestyle but we're determined to live within our means and will cut back if we have a hard month, but they will happily spend out on some things we wouldn't even contemplate - their idea of having no money as the end of the week is getting a takeaway, mine would be rummaging through the cupboards.

GreenPeppers · 19/03/2017 16:25

If you live hands to mouth, you don't have a take away twice a week.
That should be one of the first things that goes really. At the very least to be able to relax and not be stressed out about having money at the end of the month.
At that point, it shouldn't even be about hols.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 19/03/2017 16:25

You say she has a child so unless that child isn't school age or your not in the uk how is she meant to go away in February/March? My dd isn't at school yet so I could be wrong but I thought schools didn't allow holidays in term time within the U.K

expatinscotland · 19/03/2017 16:26

Some friend! You've made it clear to her that you think she can have a holiday if she stops ordering takeaways, now just leave it.

And LOL @ 'we're properly skint but still have a holiday.' Gawd, leeching off your family and friends. Probably the guest from hell. When you're 'properly skint' there is no money to save to travel across the UK to sponge off people for a week.

GreenPeppers · 19/03/2017 16:27

Yes if.
The issue there is that no one can tell someone what is and isn't important to do.
But you do need to be aware of your own behaviour and make a concious choice about it.
Some people seem to think that 'it's normal to have a take away at least once a week' and don't even question it.