To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

My reply is, 'of course I can do it, it's what I do for a living. I'll give you a quote if you email me the details.' And then be prepared to quote the cheeky feckers rate which is 3x what I usually earn.

havent read all posts but hubby is a builder. one tactic is i say he is really busy and i will ask him or he sidesteps with an i am really busy. doing work for friends and family can be a nightmare.

and the thing that really pisses me off is people who want endless advice and when you want to ask something its a different story. in my field i used to love to help people ( sen) with any advice they wanted. i am more guarded now. an example, one of many, at a party, cornered by distraught mum so most of my evening spent trying to be knd and supportive. then she floated off and later went home without a goodbye or thank you.

I have worked in SN for years and also have quite a lot of (lay) knowledge of family law (in relation to SS) and disability generally.

I get tagged into FB convos on an almost daily basis. 'MrsDevere can you help xxx?'
I usually can, sometimes I can't and quite often, after a day of supporting families (in my very intense job) all day and coping with my challenging DS with ASD, I DON'T WANT TO.

My head is spinning, I am tired and I am sometimes deeply saddened that I cannot sort something out for one of my families.

But of course I feel guilty if I do not reply at 9.30pm. It can be a quick answer but I always have to fact check first to make sure my knowledge is up to date and it can be wearing when you are trying to help someone when 30 other people with very little knowledge are giving them crap advice. It happens at coffee mornings and other social gatherings too.
Its not like I am the fecking Oracle. Google is available.

YY to what expat said.
I have had people asking me if their children have cancer seconds after finding out my DD died of it. How insensitive to you have to be to think that is acceptable?

love gins post

I've had one woman (who I had never met before) call me a waste of her taxes and a rubbish doctor for not diagnosing her.

I'd have said, 'Okay, then, I think I can come up with one. You have Chronic Bitch Personality Disorder. I'm sorry to say there's no cure.'

shurley no no... just DON'T do it!

Oh my, yes I do. I just find a sorry 'no I don't have time!' To them works. No engagement after at all. I think if they are cheeky enough to ask then I am cheeky enough to say a blatant no.

I know of one doctor who ended up with a stock answer of "Looks like cancer". They eventually stopped asking.

Some of these are beyond outrageous.

I am no expert in anything much these days but even from having a hobby, friends have expectations without thinking of contributing to my costs.

I've started making scented candles and by the time I buy the wax, colouring wax, wicks, essential oils and sometimes containers, It's not exactly cheap.

I shared some with a couple of friends and now when I see them I get the empty containers back with orders for the next lot, with instructions about which scents they prefer and the last lot the scent wasn't strong enough, put in double next time. A tiny bottle costs about £6 and I'm not about to put a quarter of a bottle in a small candle that I won't even get to use and prefer them less scented anyway.

Now I have run out of wax, they keep asking when I will make more, I explain no wax but no offer of a contribution coming. Maybe it's time for a new hobby that everyone else hates

I get this occasionally but only rarely as my field is obscure.

In our circles it's acceptable to ask someone a question which boils down to "do I need to book a professional about this?" in a very general way to avoid completely wasting anyone's time. The expected response is then "yes, I would. Ring my office and ask for Clare" or "yes, there's a lot of it about at the moment" etc.

Agree that some professionals are never quite off duty, though. Firefighter friend can't ignore a mention of smoke detectors or children's car seats!

Musician here. Permanently having people ringing up wanting me to accompany them or to play at some event or other. They don't want to pay of course and are offended when I say no. I had to toughen up though and quote my hourly rate - the number of hours not just being the hour or so when I should accompany them but time factored in for practising the music as well. I need to earn a living and I can't do that if I am doing stuff for random people who vaguely know me.
Best one was a woman who is a professional musician herself. She wanted me to put on a concert with her as she was hard up and needed the money for her family. The idea was the concert would be free of charge but she would ask for voluntary donations and I would get 20 pounds - she would keep the rest as she would be playing the solo instrument. I would "just" be the piano accompaniment. Outrageously cheeky as she often complains about people thinking that musicians should perform for free because they enjoy playing and says that she is broke because people won't pay musicians properly.
I told her to do one... but she was very persistent... took months for her to finally get the message that I wasn't going to spend ages learning several new pieces, perform in a concert with her and take home 20 pounds!!! I still get the rage thinking about it now!

Partner is an electrician - people constantly ringing up saying "Could you just pop by and have a look at X? We can have a couple of beers, it won't take long". And these were just random acquaintances and friends of friends. He no longer does any work outside of his job - he changed firms a while back and he used this as an excuse to tell everyone that he no longer has a tool kit at home as he had to give it back to his previous employer and the new employer won't let him take the toolkit home. All nonsense of course - he has his own tools - but a great excuse anyway.

This drives me nuts, I have a varied job & skill set and get asked several times a year to 'help' people.
I've resorted to having to say
Sorry I've used up my free quota for the year (not strictly true) but I will happily do mates rates (not really that much discount) if they really want my input etc.
I've had to also ask for it up front as a couple of people got incredibly huffy that I wanted the agreed monies

"My hourly rate is £20phr, £15phr mates rates, let me know when you want to book me in"

Don't be such pushovers.

As an ex nurse (not even on registry any more) I get asked about minor ailments, meds side effects and contraindications, 'should I see a dr' 'is what the dr says right?' well seeing as they're a DOCTOR with up to date knowledge and qualifications AND know your full medical history which I don't then I'd think probably yes

I also have 'useful' hobbies, I made my own wedding stationery including text in calligraphy which is extremely time consuming - but apparently 80 X invitations, place cards and orders of service can be knocked out over a couple of evenings and the card, paper inserts, inks etc are all free

I have relatives/friends who are variously:
Gardeners
Electricians
Joiners
Accountant
Gas fitter
Teachers
Hairdressers
Secretary
Lecturer (in education - trains teachers)
Children's author & illustrator
Graphic designer
Bakers/cake designers
Dental hygienist
Mechanics
Taxi drivers

Who ALL regularly have to deal with pure chancers! The one thing I've noticed the chancers all have in common? They would NEVER give their time for free and are generally the types who are far too busy to help others

Not my job, but my hobby is genealogy. It's amazing how many people would love their family tree done for them "as far back as you can find", but seem to think this can be done for absolutely free and in ten minutes.

I turned MIL's tree into a book for a special birthday. It took months of research and several weeks of typing/formatting/proof reading. A friend no longer speaks to me because I said no to making one for her father's special birthday with three weeks notice - one of her family lines Welsh and called Thomas so not even the research could be done in that time.

I've stopped doing them for anyone now after getting a tonne of abuse from someone who asked for "as much as you can cobble together for £30 or so". Apparently 4 certificates and just 4 generations was a rip off. This was a friend of DH's who didn't even know his grandmother's maiden name so I basically started from his parents.

Oh, there are dozens of bakers who have pisstakers trying it on with them here on MN. 'It's just a bit of flour, eggs and butter.' Sure, then you can go to Sainsbo's and pick one up.

Yep. Teacher here. Up to my neck in it and it is the point in the year where all sorts of people I barely know come up to me whilst shopping to basically hint/ask if I'll pop in to see their 16 year old (or occasionally 18 yo) DC to drag them through whichever GCSE/A level they are failing. God knows why they believe I would want to do it for free! My favourites are the ones who say, 'oh we looked at getting him tuition, but people want about £30 an hour'. What a surprise. I'd want more, frankly after a day at work. It's not going to happen.

PlayOnWurtz
Imo though if you do a community job - clergy, gp, teacher etc - you should expect an element of that because that's what a community is.

Why should someone be taken advantage of because of your definition of "community"?

I'm not saying take advantage of it but if you are in a high profile community role you should expect people to approach you and ask questions

i definitely agree with graphista. i have been in a sulk all day. saw friends yesterday and the husband batted away my quick question altho my husband gave him 2 hours advice/help a couple of days ago and i helped their daughter for about an hour and a half with some schoolwork recently. grrrt

playon

But which questions should be answered and which are too far?
Is there a certain amount of questions that can be asked?

I make cakes as a hobby, I used to be expected to make one as a "gift" at every family occasion and for all of my friends family occasions. I didn't mind at first but then it was always more intricate designs,bigger cakes. Think 2-3 tiers, sugar flowers, models, lots of piping it was at least 8-10hrs work per cake. Even the ingredients were costing a fortune. In the end I told everyone if they paid for or supplied the ingredients I would make the cake for free. One after I gave an ingredient cost decided to "shop around" and see if they could source the ingredients themselves! She couldn't! She came back with a much smaller cake idea as she hadn't budgeted that much!

Yes I'm a vet and get endless texts from people asking for advice about their pets. It's very annoying and often from people I don't see from one year to the next.

Jayfee, please stop enabling them, both you and your partner! Just STOP doing it. They try it on, say, 'I'm really busy right now,' bat right back!

When I was a benefits advisor I used to get asked to complete lengthy DLA and AA forms on a regular basis, each form takes several hours to complete well and it was the last thing I wanted to do after spending my working week filling them in.
My mum was the worst offender, she would ring up and say 'I'm posting you a form to fill in for Aunty Mabel' and I this would be someone the I hadn't seen for a approx ten years and had no idea of her condition/illness affected her.

I just had to start saying no, sounds heartless but I was usually happy to give a few pointers or direct people to places where they could get help to fill in the forms but I felt much better once I wasn't expected to complete forms on a weekend/evening time.