To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

My hairdresser was telling me about going over to friends' houses before nights out where she was expected to blow dry and style everybody's hair while they enjoyed drinks and nibbles. The final straw was when they moaned about how long she herself took to get ready and how she was keeping them late without seeming to realise this was due to them holding her back.
There was a big shouting match and now they book into her salon if they need anything done (although knowing her she probably still gives them discount!)

I'm a dressmaker. I have no interest in adjusting your trousers. Really, none

When I was starting out with selling my craft stuff, I would get this sort of thing a lot. For example some craft fairs run a raffle and expect stall holders to both pay for the stall and contribute to the raffle - the unspoken rule being it should be something from their stall. I've had noses turned up at the offering of something for a £5, whilst they pointed at something for £40. I was tipped off by a more experienced hand to bring along a cheap bottle of wine.

I now refuse to 'offer of more exposure' with a 'sorry I don't work for free'

I do offer mates rates / discounts.However someone I know who is a real rising star in our field paid me £40 for a £30 item last summer as she liked it so much. was really touched!

user1484750550 my sister got this a lot (from me!). She stopped being a hairdresser and hated hair dressing and eventually she blurted out one day. I stopped doing it because I'm no good at it but you keep asking me to do it!

So of course I don't do it anymore, but don't think I don't think about asking her if she would do it!

I think the best thing to do is just say no, sorry, I can't. Don;t get into it any further, and don't say sorry unless you want to!

You could give a reason, too busy too tired, you're too fucking cheeky! or you could say the salon or garage has insurance and you do not etc etc.

But the easiest and simplest thing to do is say "I work in a salon and cut hair for the salon I work for but I don't do it for people in my free time." after you've said once just keep on saying no, I can't. With a smile, without a smile, as you like. They will get bored asking. And if they do not, yawn, change subject, go to the loo, whatever. They are cheeky, just like I was with my sister. But if they can't take a no, maybe they are not real friends!

Imo though if you do a community job - clergy, gp, teacher etc - you should expect an element of that because that's what a community is.

It's outrageously rude to expect people to work for free. I think it must be hard to refuse but if you don't develop a rhino's hide you'll be forever taken for granted.

My DM was a fantastic and professional dressmaker. She made all the wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses (often 5 or 6 per wedding) for all of my 15 cousins' weddings, free of course. Other people took her for granted and they never paid a penny. I feel really angry thinking about it now.

Re the TA working overtime - this is in no way comparable to self employed people. Most people in professional jobs regularly work extra unpaid hours.

I had to have very strong words with my late father who asked me to translate a letter for one of his friends. "Letter" was a complicated legal document which took ages to translate. When he presented me with another, I said I wouldn't do it for free. When he said he'd promised his friend I gave him a hourly rate which didn't go down well. Stood my ground though.

My husband has been asked to paint pets and children for free. He's been more of a soft touch than I have, and did a series of drawings and paintings for a neighbour of family members. He charged very little, even when this guy became a bit of a pest, I think he felt sorry for him as he was elderly and on his own. The neighbour died, and at the funeral was a display of about 15 of my husband's paintings and drawings, to accompany the eulogy about what a talented artist the deceased was!

I'm handy with a camera (not my day job) but I put the landscapes I actually enjoy taking on facebook and take nice portraits of my dc etc.

I have done no less than 10 fucking weddings for friends and family and the most I've received is a tenner photo frame (price tag was on it).

You might think taking a few snaps isn't too much if an ask but it turns into an all day job, hours spent photoshopping and the bride and groom always say 'We will pay you for it' and never do.

It saves people hundreds of pounds and (not being vain) my work is pretty good. Even after putting on Facebook last year 'This is my last ever wedding shoot so don't ask me again please' I've been asked to do x3 weddings.

It's my fault entirely because I can't say no. But I'm going to start after these.

I don't mind tit for tat exhanges e.g. I'll tutor a friend's child one afternoon and their DH takes a look over my car.
I also dont mind one offs as a helping hand for a friend who i know would bend over backwards should I need it.

Otherwise mates rates and freebies are a non-starter.

That the life story of a teacher...

Yep, all the freaking time!

My job includes giving people advice and I've lost track of the number of people trying to benefit from my free advice in my free time. Ages ago I just obliged, but then it gradually started to piss me off. Now I have devised a strategy which goes like this:

Q: Hi, I have a quick question in your area of expertise. Please can you let me know when you are online, so that I can ask you about something which is not very clear to me.

A: Hello, what is it about? If it is really in my are of expertise, I will give you an appointment. Please note consultations are paid.

Q. No, I do not need calculations, just I am interested (blah-blah-blah - several questions).

A. I said consultations, not calculations

Q. I mean (blah-blah-blah - several questions)... Oh, I see. Anyway, I will ask someone else who has had experience of this.

The end. No sorry, not thank you, no jack shit. Well, fuck you very much too! And this is not even a friend, not even an acquaintance, just a fb somebody who has come upon me one way or another.

The above is a quote from an actual fb conversation.

Yep, I'm a seamstress, say no more eh!

I rarely tell anyone these days what I do and if people ask I tell them loosely I sell fabric. The worst time i've been ripped off was from a friend who asked for a quilt for her grand daughter, I make patchwork ones as my hobby and sell them mostly to america where they will pay the price. we agreed on a price, and I complete the quilt, Friend comes to collect it and gives me £10 in an envelope, I said a few times that's not what we agreed on and she says as a business she thought the materials would be free and she should just pay for the labour - so I billed her for the labour alone which came to another £120... I no longer see said friend.

Apart from this I usually end up with clothes in bags left on my doorstep, with notes inside asking for alterations to be done. I write a little note back with a map of the local alterations specialist - The worst one of these i've had was a lady on christmas eve tell me she needed something sewing, she sounded so desperate and I felt sorry for her so agreed - the little thing that needed sewing was a full on pattern making, plus sourcing/cutting and sewing the underskirt on a dress she had blatantly cut herself and tried to fix. she offered me £25 for my time. I gave it back to her the same day and told her I was spending xmas eve with my ds not mending her dress - got called all the names under the sun and was told id ruined her christmas , but it worked, I dont get called anymore

I spent a long time proof reading a series of assignments and finally a dissertation for a friend, dp helped as the subject matter was his area of expertise.
She then sent through the credits page which included gushing mentions to virtually everyone she knew who had helped her during her degree - no mention whatsoever of us

'My hairdresser was telling me about going over to friends' houses before nights out where she was expected to blow dry and style everybody's hair while they enjoyed drinks and nibbles. '

There was a poster on here whose own mother volunteered her to work a 'pamper day' for all her friends, for free.

I'm really surprised there aren't more doctors on here. I literally get daily requests and it's very awkward.

The best one was my mother who asked if my husband could take a look at her washing machine which is essentially a euphemism for its buggered now so you'll need to spend hours fixing it on your free time. My husband incidentally is not a service engineer and wouldn't know what he was looking for. In addition to this, my husband was working 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week, that included a two hour round commute. When I explained that he would not be able to help and that calling a professional in may be the better option for her. My Mother didn't take it well at all. Suffice to say this was the catalyst for her not speaking to me for 7 years and ostracising me from my siblings but that's a whole other thread.

Buddah Yep, I'm a seamstress, say no more eh!

I'm not a professional, but am fairly good at sewing/dressmaking/pattern making.

What I find incredible is that the people who expect you to work for free/next to nothing are the same people who say "Oh, you could make a business out of that!"

I have several friends who are doctors, but I wouldn't bring my health problems to them. People actually do that? They're doctors, not magicians. I had a child who had cancer. She died, but I still get people often enough outlining a litany of symptoms and asking, 'Do you think he/she has cancer?' 'I've no idea, you need to take him/her to a doctor.' FFS.

One of my friends runs a family planning clinic. You should hear the intimate things that people are happy to discuss with her when she's not at work and they are not her patient!

DH is a plumber and gas engineer! The amount of times people want stuff done for free is funny. He always says "That will be £40!" And the realise that he won't be walked over. My mum is the worst.