To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

I have a friend who is a published poet and also a dab hand at crochet.

These skills are much in demand from people who think you don't charge for stuff like that, so she should do commissioned poems or give away patterns she has created for free.

She posts the worst piss takers on Facebook and Twitter so we can all have a laugh at how outraged they get when she won't work for free. It is hilarious how entitled some people are.

Last time, a newspaper picked up the story and ran it as a piece condemning how greedy people were to want things without payment. Without asking my friends permission, and apparently without considering the irony!

On this subject, I always liked this series of emails:

www.27bslash6.com/p2p2.html

Another accountant here. A 'can you have a look at my books' is always replied to with 'yes, no problem, my hourly rate is £x, let me know when you want to start'. I would always pay friends who do stuff for me - builders, hairdressers, personal trainers, massage therapists (but will happily swap time with all of the above and have done so in the past!). If they haven't got a skill to offer (or copious amounts of wine, a meal out..) then it's back to the hourly rate reply.

What is the job user - you haven't said anything identifying so let us know...we've shown you ours !

I simply do not work for free unless it is on a pro-bono basis (except for my mother but that's a whole other thread). When it's pro-bono there's still a contract and insurance and other expenses and I make it very clear what is included and what is not. I also say no if it moves away from the agreement.

I will only work pro-bono for registered charities and where there is likely to be a benefit to me either by a chance to practice an area I don't much (for my CPD) or where it is likely to lead to other work.

I have looked over CVs and other things for people but only when I have offered. I don't take the hint when people drop them.

A friend once said I could "look over a contract if you like?" and very much implied that this would be doing me a favour I told her I was very, very busy so unless she actuallly needed my help I would prefer not to do it thanks. She dropped a few more hints and I ignored them. If I have a spare hour (and I genuinely didn't at the time) the last thing I want to be doing is that!

Often it's not so much the initial work that's the issue. I find it's the expectation of other work that comes later or when something that takes an hour to review takes 4 to amend/resolve.

Oh god yes! I'm a travel agent - self employed and working from home. So of course I'd love to spend a few hours finding holidays for you that you have no intention of going on because 'it's just a quick look'. I've started to ask them to submit an enquiry in my website contact form, or call me during my work hours and I'll take the details. Most don't, those that take the time to do so generally go on to book with me.

Def not BU - I can't believe people do thus tbh! I am friends with are a carpenter, an electrician and a hairdresser. They all do/have done work for me and it never crossed my mind not to pay them just like any other customer.

My DH does. Fortunately it's a very limited range of people who need his help. He loves it. A lot of organisations would struggle to afford what he does, he wants to see them and he then gets fantastic access etc.

Oh and my friend asked me for some advice relating to my profession. I sent her a quick email answering her query and linking to some websites - I didn't think anything of it and it hardly took any time. She was really grateful and turned up a day or two later with a bottle of wine 'for my trouble' !

Happens all the time! If it's something that will take 10 minutes, I'll do it. Or for a close friend/family. If not, I tell them my indemnity policy doesn't cover it.

I've found that people do not value free advice! I've done some pro bono work as well and it was the same.

YANBU. I work pt, DH ( a tradesman) works ft. My work sometimes falls on the weekend so DH looks after DC. We have hardly any time to do anything for ourselves yet some people still come to ask for favours. After the last "friend" disappeared into thin air after getting their bit done I put my foot down. These people are NEVER seen again unless they want something, in the meantime nobody wants to take my 2 small DC as a "favour" exchange so I could get things done. Just piss off. Paid or not, we have no time for "favours"

I have 3 dc, and the hubby is a ft architect. I decided to set up my baking business when I was pregnant with number three, and it has been going amazingly. Essentially I make cakes and treats for celebrations or meetings etc. I make them at home and it's very time consuming, especially with my three little ones! Which is why it bothered me a bit when a mother of a little boy in my daughter's dance class, whom I hadn't really indulged in conversation with before, expected me to bake a cake for her son's birthday party free of charge. I have met her son a grand total of zero times. I tried to deal with it as politely as possible, but my god how cheeky!

Oops sorry, I meant her daughter is in my daughter's dance class. Not her son!

I used to run a community garden and was in a meeting with the local green group a while back. One of the people there asked for my details as she had a lady who was registered blind and her sons were not helping and she wanted the garden doing. I said 'We actually teach people to grow food, we are not for hiring for clearing gardens and we have a community garden to manage, as well as other things. We charge £37.50 an hour per person for teaching as we do an hours prep for each hour we teach'. She was most put out and said that as we were community gardening we obviously had spare time and the woman was blind after all. I said 'we have a community garden that takes two extra days a week, already unpaid, to manage. Are you going to pay my mortgage for me if I take more time out of the day job?'. She scowled at me for the rest of the meeting.

She just literally thought 'Ooh someone who does gardening, they can come and do it for free'. they don't think 'Ooh someone who does gardening, they still need a roof over their head, food on the table so I'll find out what they do, and charge or see if they know anyone who could help'. As it happens, I did find someone who could help but because she scowled at me for two hours I didn't pass the contact on, and I knew she would take the royal piss out of them.

I'm a nanny but I also have maternity nurse training, breastfeeding consultant and sleep consultant training. Experienced in all three.

I give advice a lot for free to people who take that advice and are grateful (payment in kind, box of chocolates, bunch of flowers, afternoon tea voucher, also had a nice spa voucher) it's not difficult, I have various emails already written that I send out to clients so I just adapt slightly and email it out. If they don't take my advice or say thank you, I will not offer it again or will charge full whack up front.

My brother has a small baby and does take my advice but just implements the bits he likes and then calls/texts at all hours to say it's not working! I just tell him he has all the information and to follow it through and be consistent but he gives up after a day or two and then they are back at square one!

I don't babysit for anyone anymore after being asked and then when asking for payment, being told 'oh, I thought you'd do it for free for 'us'' and refusing to pay. I only do it for my employer, some previous employers and very close friends who I know will pay me now.

My brother gets a free babysitter, he doesn't realise I'm getting payment in lovely cuddles from my beautiful niece!!

On this subject, I always liked this series of emails:

That reminds me, I have taken a line from that before and when people have asked for something quick, I have said 'actually what you are asking for is a small amount of my time now, but along with all my experience, skills and knowledge which is not free at all.

People don't ask me anymore, thankfully. I tell them I am usually far too busy doing paid work to be doing stuff for nothing.

I'm a beauty therapist. I haven't really ever experienced people wanting my services for free. I've had many who expect it at a massively reduced rate. My sister is the worst. We are going away later on the year as a family, so we all have the same week off. Being self employed I obviously don't get paid for mine so I cram as much work as I can in before I go and when I come back. She always expects to book in when I'm stupidly busy with full paying clients. I said yes, but you've got to pay full price. Which she then moans about. Last year I'd told her I'd put the prices up for friends and family. Still heavily reduced, she claimed she couldn't afford it so I didn't do it for her. She is employed and would be the first to moan if her employer said 'oh those shifts you worked last week, we can't afford to give you full pay, is half alright?'

I get asked occasionally and do it gladly if I have the time. When I was totally skint a neighbour had a look at my dodgy wiring for nothing. I am almost in tears thinking how good it was of him - he didn't find anything wrong but it took him ages.

If I was a hairdresser or accountant, I would charge, possibly mates' rates, unless it was for someone who was completely skint.

Dressmaking - you have to charge adequately or you'll encourage people who want made to measure/alterations for nothing or will turn up expecting you to produce a beautiful gown out of shitty fabric.

I had this happen to me with gardening work. I just say the weather is too hot or cold or I am too busy now.

If you don't mind helping people occasionally then tell them you volunteer Y hours a month to help out friends and that you will be available in X weeks to help them. They can then decide if they want to wait or pay someone to sort them out. At least everyone will know where your limits are.

😊 Nursing. 26 year career as a student, staff nurse, junior then senior sister. Each role (more so, as I went along) demanded a smiling acceptance of the fact that you did a lot of extra time, unpaid. Of course, there was a "time owing" book because there was no paid overtime but there was NEVER enough staff to take that owed time.

I have a PDF of my charges which I send to anyone who emails me asking for me to 'take a quick look at my book before I submit it'. I do offer an installment plan, which I point out to them...

...amazing how few want to pay for hours and hours of my time for me to go through their novel, point out their mistakes and write an overall report on it for them. Do they think it takes me seconds? Baffles me.

Oops...may have got the wrong end of the stick here. Although, people DID ask me constantly, "what d'you think this is...?" and then they'd reveal a bit of body/rash/sore. Nice

0ne of my family is a doctor and whenever we are together at a do, someone invariably comes up for advice. Whatever they ask about he uses the same response....

"I fell on my elbow it really hurts can you have a look at it?"
"No, I was off the day we did elbows at medical school"

"Do you think this is a heat rash or an allergy or something?"
"Oh I don't know, I was off the day we did rashes at medical school"

Repeats every single time. It is sometimes very hard not to start laughing when witnessing these conversations.

My husband works in a skilled job that he had to buy a lot of specialist equipment for,we used to get a lot of people asking to borrow his tools we said the same to whoever asked...sorry he will never lend out his work tools,they are far too expensive.

We have then had the neighbours round when they have an emergency expecting my husband to pop round because they can't sort such and such and they couldn't possibly disturb the other bloke they paid to do the job because its a Sunday...so it was ok not to employ my husband but now ask him on a Sunday to fix someone elses job.The reply is always sorry emergcencies for regular customers only.

I'm a TA and a private tutor, which apparently makes me a free babysitter and holiday childcare, I don't mind doing people the odd favour, or the odd text because someone's stuck on homework but some people take the piss. The one that really got me was the group of mums from DS' class who having ignored me for the whole of reception up to the end of year 4 thought i might like to tutor their kids for 11+ every Saturday and tried to sell it as 'it would be nice for the boys to support each other' yeah coz i want to spend 3 hours a week tutoring 5 boys DS isn't even particularly friends with, for free, and obviously I wanted to put off actual paying customers to make time to do it!

DH is a locksmith and everyone seems to want freebies/mates rates off him all the time too.