To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

Yes I get this all of the time.
Recently invited to a family gathering, to be told the day before...'well if you are there anyway you may as well do xxx'

INXS that '5 mins' of advice is worth something usually thanks to YEARS of experience and training - how much are those years worth?

Plus as pp have said, it may be a '5 min' conversation between the knowledgeable person and the person asking but the knowledgable person may well have had to spend hours verifying that the answer they give is ethical, current and suitable!

Plus for certain professionals (not just Drs, nurses, lawyers but also electricians, gas safe registered persons, plumbers...) there's issues around legislation, insurance, personal liability (if the person they advise cocks up and does something stupid/dangerous) and professional registration!

And yes I cringe every time I see 'all lawyers will give you a free hour/half hour' on mn.

I divorced my ex well over a decade ago, even then this wasn't true, SOME legal aid lawyers would offer a free half hour/hour through cab/women's aid etc but that is/was as a way of gaining potential customers. The first lawyer I saw was running a community surgery at the army base (paid for by the army) once a month, and would then direct you to the best lawyer in their (large) company to deal with whatever your issue was. So they got a fair bit of custom out of it. As it happens the lawyer I got first was rubbish and I ended up going to another company. (Another mn myth - that all lawyers or other professionals are equally good at their job!).

All the time, I work for the ambulance service and just last week my neighbour expected me to come round on my day off just because her husband had collapsed. The cheek of it!

INXS - It's not as simple as you may think. Lawyers don't walk around just knowing 'the law' in their head. They will often be specialised in a certain area and have extremely limited knowledge of other areas (and even if the question is something in their area, there's a high chance it's not a straightforward yes/no answer and will require a lot of research).

As others have said, there's also the question of liability. If they say something which turns out to be wrong (either because they got it wrong or because the law isn't simple!) then they could be sued for a lot of money without having any insurance.

I am a lawyer and am asked legal questions all the time by friends. I always oblige and do my best (even though I have next to no free time) and they rarely seem particularly grateful/realise the effort that's involved. On the whole, they would all complain if I asked them to give me a free sample (for the one friend who runs a company) or if I asked if my child could have a free day at daycare (for the one who runs a nursery) etc.

I've got lots of doctor friends who find the same. One has a next door neighbour who brings the children round almost weekly to ask her advice on every single problem. She'll even wake my friend up during the day when she's on nights to get "urgent advice" .

I saw another doctor friend put on the spot about a matter which had been in the press which had nothing to do with her speciality. My friend kept saying it wasn't really her area to comment on, but the lady asking kept pushing. After my friend had said a few general comments about the outcome of the thing in the press being "surprising", this woman said she was on an Internet forum which discussed these sort of matters and she'd mention what my doctor friend said . Even though my doctor friend asked her not to, because it wasn't her speciality and she knew nothing about the patient or the case in question, we know full well this lady probably went and said all sorts on some forum! It just shows why doctors (and lawyers and anyone else who's an easy target to be sued!) try to avoid work chat outside work.

CinnamonSwirlGirl85 although you always get the odd one who will be offended when you don't ask them - my mother, who is a long retired paediatrician, spent years being offended that I don't seek her medical advice for my children, despite the fact I have never lived closer than several hours drive away from her and she has some fairly shockingly outdated opinions and loves to arm chair diagnose incorrectly I assume a retired doctor can't be sued for repeatedly offering unasked for wildly inaccurate dramatic / life threatening diagnoses over the phone on the basis of passing comments? :o

Ha ha - that made me laugh 5more. Maybe try suing her to stop her offering advice?

ThinkingBlonde

Could I ask a question?

Given that it's quite expensive to hire a dressmaker to make a frock do you think they'd be amenable to running it up if someone had already cut it out? With no fittings, 'just' sewing it together.

Or would they hate that?

"INXS that '5 mins' of advice is worth something usually thanks to YEARS of experience and training - how much are those years worth?"

They are worth a lot, and are paid for accordingly when you are at work. But if a friend asks you for some advice, and you are in a position to give it - it doesn't cost you anything.

Say you're at a dinner party. A friend asks for your advice on an area of the law/your industry, and you know the answer or can point you in the direction of someone who can help further. It takes little effort to give them that insight.

To the PP who mentioned the English lessons - of course you should't give away your time to the tune of half an hour, and hour, whatever. I am just talking about quick "here's what I know" sort of advice. I do it for my friends all the time as it is incredibly easy for me, it costs me nothing.

can point them* in the direction

Bignamechange

The seamstresses I know wouldn't do such a job as there's too much possibility for issues to do with the cutting/fitting being done by someone else they could be blamed for, either directly or worse indirectly ('well X made it' and it looks awful but X didn't 'make' it but made the best of a bad cutting/fitting job) and then they're losing reputation/work as a result!

INXS are you a registered professional? Can you potentially be sued for giving poor advice?

Thanks Graphista

I can't sew at all and have a favourite jersey dress I want made up about 5 times as I could happily wear it every day. No detail, not an occasion dress, just a day tunic

I wish I could sew.

Oh god if I ever ask someone I know to do a job/work/commission for me I always say "I will pay whatever your usual rate is of course, I just want someone I can trust"

Who are these cheeky fuckers?!

I work in a similar "my skills are in my head" sort of industry, and am happy to give someone 5 minutes of my experience if they ask for it. It doesn't cost me a thing and I don't begrudge it.

Nothing take just 5 minutes in accountancy, law or tax. It takes more than that just to do the due-diligence fact finding for the simplest of enquiries. If you havn't established the background detail, anything you say isn't reliable.

For example, someone could ask whether dental treatment is allowable against tax, or an eye test or a new pair of glasses, or a gym membership or physiotherapy for a bad back. It all depends on whether the person is employed or self employed. If self employed, are they are sole trader or limited company or working via an agency/umbrella? What is the nature of the treatment - is it purely cosmetic or is their a health angle too - is there any personal benefit as well as business benefit? What is their exact trade or occupation? A typical conversation for such a "simple" question could easily extend to 10/15 minutes and still not yield a definitive yes or no!

The liability issue is always important too. In my professional capacity, all "advice" is written down, usually these days via email, to confirm the question, the background information obtained, my opinion, the reason for my opinion and the risks etc. That's another 10-15 minutes gone.

I've honestly lost count of the number of people who've appointed me professionally to help get them out of a hole they've dug themselves when they've asked friends/family for informal advice and it's been totalling wrong! The thing I hate to hear from any new client is "I asked a friend/brother/neighbour who's an accountant and s/he told me xyz" I could scream because it's usually completely wrong - not because the accountant is an idiot, but because the client and accountant just rushed through a hasty "over the fence" conversation without getting the basic facts straight!

I'm imagining INXS's five minute advice being the kind of thing I would seek from professional friends and being the kind of general topic that'd be on an FAQ on their website if I only knew where to look.

eg a vet "Should I get my moggy neutered?" "It's usually a good idea, yes."

a builder "Are those plasterboard anchors worth the money?" "I think they're great, but go to Screwfix not B&Q."

So no expectation of a thoroughly researched, bespoke answer, just a general "is this a thing?"

Bignamechangeroonie

In answer to your question re: would I 'Run something up' if someone had already cut the fabric out.
I have done, but only when I worked in a clothing factory with highly skilled pattern cutters doing the cutting and fabric pattern matching.

I wouldn't do it outside of that, no.
Too much scope for things to go wrong, have they measured properly, have they pattern matched properly, have they got the grain lines right?
I have finished off a garment for a friend who got appendicitis and couldn't finish it herself.
I've also corrected things for someone who couldn't handle the fabric she was using and got out of her depth.

Mine is a bit different but also annoying. My hobby involves directing little amateur shows which often involve children. I am not a professional and don't claim to be a teacher of performing arts, just someone who has been involved in amateur stuff for years. I've lost count of the number of parents who have asked me for private lessons for their dc and then been irritated when I've said I don't have the skills or time for that but can recommend very good professional singing/ acting teachers. Oddly none of them want me to as it will be expensive - presumably if I had done it it wouldn't have been then. Like others I have been told it would be good experience- not really as my day job has nothing to do with this and I have as much experience in my hobby as I could ever need thanks!

Bignamechangeroonie.
Have you considered advertising for someone to make your jersey dresses up or trying local seamstresses for a quote. A jersey dress wouldn't take long to make up, especially if unlined.
The complicated stuff I mentioned involved beading, tricky fabric and several layers of it, hence the length of time they take to do.
Some dressmakers charge by the job, not an hourly rate so works out cheaper.

' I said 'ok, that'll be around £100 for my materials and time, what's the colour scheme' and she was horrified, spluttered that she thought I could just knock them up for her for free. Yeah, 6 hours work and a load of free materials for someone I don't know's wedding (plus she'd just inherited £200k which she banged on about all the time so it's not like she couldn't afford to pay me). '

It's always people like this who take the piss. Hobby bakers really come in for it from what I've read on here - they get a cheeky fucker who wants to be 'just ingredients' or 'mate's rates' (and then they suggest £40 or some other complete pisstake) and get the hump when the baker tells them no.

Yeaaahhh I get asked this a lot (oh it'll be good advertising)

I had one woman who wanted me to spend 3 hours making her an item for "less than £10" because she didn't want to buy one from the shop for 15 pounds!!! Yeah polite no no that one.

Generally a smile and a "yeah sure that will take about 10 hours of work, at £5 an hour being my base rate and £15 for materials, that'll be £65 please." That soon shuts them up.

A true friend wants to support you and all my friends have paid full price and tipped because they want me to succeed they don't just want freebies.

bigname : You do r aluse that the majority of work is not in cutting it out but in 'just sewing' right? It's expensive for a good reason -it takes hours.

My brother makes headstones for a living. He gets at least one person a week asking if he'll do the headstone for free as the dead person had suffered from cancer / was young/ did lots for charity / used to know our grandad etc etc.

Oh yeah, he'll spend £150 on a blank, then hand cut the lettering, get permission from the church, install the thing all for free. People can't seem to cop on that it's his job to make headstones for people, however tragically they died.

(He has don the odd one for free for family and for one local person who dedicated his life to voluntary work, but not for people he's not spoken to for 20'years who phone him to moan the other stonemason wants £800 for a headstone and can he knock one up in return for a pint please?)

'My brother makes headstones for a living. He gets at least one 'person a week asking if he'll do the headstone for free as the dead person had suffered from cancer / was young/ did lots for charity / used to know our grandad etc etc.'

My daughter was 9 when she died from cancer, but cannot believe people ask for a free stone. Ours was not basic, but nothing extraordinarily elaborate and well worth the £1900 we paid for it. Just siting it! Do people understand you have to be careful siting these things and they can be so heavy you need machinery to lift it and place it?

Expat
People who ask this kind of thing dont care, they just see the end product and think oh a couple of hours work, no problem for you, you do this all the time, heres a tenner for your trouble!

How can they even come to that conclusion, Willow? I mean, our daughter's stone is beautiful, but the work involved - sourcing the stone (we went for an unusual one, a pinkish stone), cutting it, polishing it, doing the lettering, adding a photo if you want one, siting it and making sure it's level and placed properly, etc. Even the machines they use must cost a fortune and require servicing and maintenance, too, and insurance to use. Our mason did a mock up of the lettering and placed it over the stone and then sent us a photo to make sure it was what we wanted, made a 3D model of the finished product and sent us a photo to see if it was to our needs.