To be pissed off with people expecting you to do your job in your spare time for them. (For free!)

[user1484750550]

Not so much an AIBU, as I don't think I AM being unreasonable. Just wanted peoples views/opinions/advice etc...

Have people ever had this happen before? People expecting you to do your job in your own time, for free? And how did you deal with it?

Or are you actually experiencing something like this at the moment?

It has happened to my DH, my brother, my friend's husband, and now to me. I don't want to say too much, as it may identify me, but I have recently started a new job (say for example a hairdresser,) and I have had a couple of people asking me to do their hair for them (in my own time for free!)

DH is a mechanic and has been asked by 3 or 4 people in the past 3 months ALONE, to 'come and have a quick look at their car,' and deal with the problem they have, for free obviously.

My brother who is a carpenter, gets badgered too, to do random carpentry jobs for people, (for free!) and he's thinking of saying to the 5 or 6 people who keep asking him to do things for him, that his employer no longer allows it and he will get the sack if he is caught.

My friend's husband is a gardener, and keeps being asked (by extended family and neighbours) to come and do this and that for them in their gardens, and is never offered anything for it.

So has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? How did you deal with people expecting you to do your actual job for free for them in your spare time?

(The jobs I have said we all have are examples btw...)

Really insulting Willow2017. Hand crochet items are not cheap and take lots of time and skill. I'm offended on your behalf!

If i were to be on the receiving end of such 'favours' I would never presume and would always offer to pay for a friend's services. I find it incredible that people can be so inconsiderate and expect things to be done for 'free' eg a haircut (and forget that everyone else has to make a living).

Fine if people wish to offer 'mates rates' but my DH often offers to do work for free which drives me mad (I keep telling him that by doing this, it also devalues his skills).

Loved the story about the lawyer and doctor at the party though.

Rarely get asked anymore as I lie about my job or I am suitably vague. However, I'm still expected to negotiate a complex lease contract for a charity. Yes I've done it before, but I said no to doing it again. It took months, I had to take unpaid time off to go to meetings & it was a complete ball ache. No thanks either. I've done trades and still happy to do those, happy to review CVs and even write the odd funding paper, but I am really selective now. It tends to be the jobs that take a bloody age that you get no thank you from at all. I do negotiate with all suppliers when I get work done, including by mates / but I would never ask to not pay or pay a rate that doesn't cover their materials and labour.

I used to work as a nurse in a well-known London teaching hospital that had a distinct uniform. Literally EVERY time I travelled to and from work, I would spot someone's eyes light up when they clocked my uniform. They would plonk themselves next to me and say " Oh, you work at XXX Hospital! I have this problem/not sure about my medications/what do you think these symptoms mean, etc, etc.

Eventually, I got very hard-nosed about saying that it would be unprofessional of me to enter into any kind of discussion about their ailments/drugs. People would get REALLY ticked off with me, though!

A friend of mine who is an electrician has always had a rule that he will never do mates rates, he is extremely good at his job so believes his time is worth his rate but equally will never pay Mates rates to anyone, he will always pay the normal rate. I think he has the right idea!

Just another tip ,I have friends who are hairdressers who like op always have people trying to get freebies out of them or even have the cheek once they've done a mobile hair appointment, try to barter with them! They hate it! If you want a freebie why not ask at your local chain hairdressers such as Toni & guy when they need models for their trainees are? They love having people in to cut and colour, all under the observation of the top stylists!

I'm a MFL teacher - OH is in computing so we both get asked all the time.
I don' t mind doing the odd thing - especially if it's interesting - and of course I go out of my way to help real friends, but quite a lot of people take the piss tremendously.
The one which annoyed me most was a bloke who I was paying for a lift share asked me to translate several pages of sponsorship and grant application stuff for his girlfriend who is a disabled athlete in the run up to the Olympics. I did a really conscientious job - because I always do - with several hours research into the technical terms involved in that particular sport.... emailed it all off to him and never even got an aknowledgement that it had arrived, much less a word of thanks.
When it comes to extra coaching for kids I have two responses: some I just tell that I don't do private coaching at all as my time is more valuable to me than money, but people I know quite well (and if I like their kids) I suggest that I do it in return for a future favour... like picking me up at the airport at 2 a.m.

O/H is awash with wine and chocolate from grateful friends - so many people have had bad experiences with so-called "professional computer experts" that they are generally extremely relieved to get their machines sorted and back up and running, but a few acquaintances have started taking the piss by passing the jobs that they can't do for their mates - because they lack the ability - over to him.... and expecting him to work for free for people he's never met!

Yep!

I work in a very particular area of commercial insurance. I wouldn't mind helping out genuine friends but the only thing i ever get asked about is car insurance. Which I know nothing about.

I'm sure some people think i'm think &/or unhelpful on purpose.

My best friend's OH is a mechanic and he's helped us with our car a few times. We always offer payment but he won't take anything so we make sure to buy him something nice.

^thick....not think!

Maybe i am thick....

I saw my GP in a restaurant. He looked at me, raised his hand and quickly lowered his eyes. It seemed like a 'please don't ask me anything' look.

I would never, ever dream of doing so but I assumed the look was from him being used to patients coming up to him out and about and bothering him.

Yes people want mates rates! But these same 'mAtes' wouldn't do anything in return/ pay back the favour with their own skills

I also work in entertainment and get asked for tickets all the time.

My response to most people is 'er no I can't get freebies for my own family...' (and let them fill in the blank).

My OH has had some chancers that he got cast rate for at a show recently and I've said no more cast rate tickets for friends of friends because it takes the piss!!

I completely sympathise. Try to be a lawyer married to an IT consultant.

EVERYONE has a computer problem or a dispute with someone - or it seems that way. People don't even ask, they tell you what the problem is.

If a professional skill can help someone in dire straits as a one off then fine - or even to help someone who is going through a bad time for a period then I don't mind; none of us know when we might be really up against it and need some kindness and for someone to cut us a bit of slack. However, I have had freeloaders in the past and now just tell them what I charge. It never fails.

I'm not a builder as such but designed and built a shed in my garden. Not some shitty £99 B&Q flat pack thing, a bricks and mortar shed with proper tile roof and electrics. Took me several weekends over a summer to do it. My neighbour upon seeing this new creation asked if I minded popping over one weekend and building something similar. I gave him my plans and costings and said he could use those to help him get his project off the ground. "Oh, I thought you could do it"

Yes. Every time a potential customer asks me when my books will be free. Because they really don't want to pay £3.49 to download a 450+ page book if there's a chance they can get it for free.

Regardless of the fact I spent years researching, writing and re-writing it, plus £600 (yes, six hundred) on various advertising campaigns, cover artists, editors, proof paperback copies, laptops, computer programs, journals, pencils, and time away from my family.

But, hell yeah, let's just give it away because it's just a few words from my head.

Pisses me right off.

My dad is a plumber. The number of times random strangers knock on his front door at all hours because they've seen the van outside and ask for the plumber because their 'tap is dripping' or their 'radiator is making a funny noise' is ridiculous. They get really affronted when he wont drop everything to go and help them as well. Don't get me started on the half wits who knock and ask what to do because there is water pouring everywhere! Find the stopcock and switch it off. Surely anyone with a brain cell knows that?

DF fits bathrooms mainly, he might do a central heating for family and close friends but that's at his discretion. He doesn't do emgency call outs because he doesnt need to.

The answer is to charge them each above market rate. Then when they se you socially they will say that something is not quite perfect and so you can do this for free and the whole deal ends up at normal rates.
I always avoid doing business with friends. If you charge relatives handsomely for doing a good job they won't come back

I divide my day between law and CV writing, so I get this in vast quantities. If someone is genuinely in need and it's within my abilities (I think I can tell, though who knows?) I offer to help.

Frankly I'd help more widely if the thank yous were more forthcoming - ime the pro bono clients would pitch up with a card or a little chocolate bar to say thank you for mediating a £300 landlord dispute, but the friend who I saved from a £3000 fight with IKEA said nothing at all. Mind-boggling.

I teach hypnobirthing and I find it hard to charge friends and family or discuss money with them, but I think it devalues the time, money, training that goes into getting qualified and then teaching a course, so I tend to offer a discounted rate but it's took me a while to be bold enough to just tell them the price and then it's up to them if they want to book.

Got roped into designing website and marketing materials for relative. All my time was free. Spent a lot of money on leaflets, business cards etc not a penny came my way, but they kept and used everything

School found out about web design, and ended up doing their website. Thought they would pay me, but turns out it was just a 'cheers for that' moment.

This was long time ago, so have learnt now!

DH is qualified personal trainer. You wouldn't believe the mates and relatives (28 times removed) who wanted free training.

Passed my accounting exams and suddenly I can do people's books for free.

Neighbour: I need someone to do my books
Me: I can do that
Neighbour: Brilliant, shall I pop in later?
Me: sure. It'll be £15 per hour.
Neighbour: oh. Right. Don't worry then. I thought we could just bash it out one evening.

FFS. I hate doing MY books. Why would I want to do yours for fun!!!

I am self-employed. I occasionally do mates rates for extremely good friends. I love bartering though and am delighted. I am doing some work for a friend at the moment in exchange for some very specialised work he did for me. Another friend is a masseuse and has offered me massages for my bad back in exchange and I am delighted with this.

There some awful stories on here. When did people get so entitled?

I remember one person I used to know actually who worked in housing allocations for the council. She hadn't been in the job for more than a few months, when her parents neighbours, her own neighbours, and extended family who hadn't been arsed with her for 10 years, (not sent her a Christmas card or anything that whole time,) suddenly started to become very chummy and friendly.

Obvious reason is obvious.

At least half a dozen people asked over the space of 2-3 months if my friend could get a house or flat for their cousin/ son/ grandson/ stepson/ brother/ daughter and 2 kids! Unbelievable. Basically, a LOAD of people who hadn't been arsed to say more than 10 words to my friend in the past 5 years, suddenly wanted social housing dished up to them on a plate (a few who weren't even on the waiting list if you please!)

Also, my friend couldn't even get herSELF a social housing tenancy, let alone a load of people who wouldn't even have been able to tell anyone when her birthday was!

I'll ask advice of someone, as long as it's not too demanding or complicated, but I'd never ask for free labour. For instance, I asked our head gardener at the NT house I volunteer at what to do with dead daffodils. She was happy to advise! But I'd never ask her to come round and double dig the border.