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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "friend" is fucking cheeky as

87 replies

GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:35

I stayed at a friends house last night and we nipped to the shops and we bought some food to share. She claims she lost her debit card but she still picked up a few bits for herself.

Unloading shopping and I start to separate it and she quickly says no you pay for it together and I'll pay you back. Fine I don't mind buying snacks but why should I fork out for your household items Hmm

We then bought takeaway .. which when I came to paying she stayed quiet and so I paid on my card ... we shared it with her housemate which I like but said no word of thanks.

We went out today (planned) and I had to again buy her 2 drinks and food as I ordered for myself and felt rude her sitting there not having anything.

This is on top of all the money I've lent her this month.

Total of money is around £180. I HATE asking for money back and some of the things are like £5, £15 etc so I feel petty asking for it back.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/03/2017 19:37

You're being a mug, dont do it.

PollyBanana · 18/03/2017 19:37

I'd be ok with buying some food for her as I would be eating some of it, but I'd ask her for the cash for stuff like loo cleaner or whatever

PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2017 19:37

Why are you continuing to pay for anything? Confused

Ask for your money back. She owes it to you and she'll carry on taking advantage while you're enabling her.

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 19:38

Call her and say fancy going out on xxx day we could have a meal at xxx and a few drinks. You can pay seen as you owe me.

Failing that just stop paying for her.

Someone22 · 18/03/2017 19:38

Bloody hell, she's not a friend she's a sponger.

Original poster
GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:39

I feel like crying tbh. I feel so taken advantage of. I know I'm a mug.

OP posts:
Lochan · 18/03/2017 19:39

Why is she going to the shops/restaurants without the means to pay?

CampingManDad · 18/03/2017 19:40

I'm a bit skint at the moment...can you send me a 50 .... sure you know I'm good for it.

gamerchick · 18/03/2017 19:41

She's a parasite, I've had to detach them in the past.

Don't sub her anymore and before any outing tell her straight out she needs to take money or you won't go.

GallivantingWildebeest · 18/03/2017 19:42

You're going to have a grow a pair and ask her straight out for the money. Show her you're not a mug and you won't be taken advantage of any more.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. You could list everything she's borroed from you this month - maybe she doesn't realise she's borrowed so much??

Original poster
GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:42

Why is she going to the shops/restaurants without the means to pay?

Exactly. It just enraged me that she picked up her own stuff knowing full well she had no money on her.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2017 19:42

Exactly. It just enraged me that she picked up her own stuff knowing full well she had no money on her.

But you paid. Confused
Why on earth didn't you say no?

gamerchick · 18/03/2017 19:45

And stop lending her money, trust me it gets easier the more you say no. If she hints tell her you're sorry to hear that and hope she gets it sorted, if she asks tell her you're not lending anyone any money anymore because nobody pays you back then stick to it if pleading follows. Or say actually I was going to ask you to lend me as I'm short if you still can't bring yourself to ask to be repaid.

FeckinCrutches · 18/03/2017 19:45

But you let her pick the stuff up?? I'm sorry but why are you being a doormat? Why go out with her if you know she can't pay?

Derlei · 18/03/2017 19:45

To be honest OP i don't know how you sat there without saying anything. I would have had a right face on me. She sounds like a freeloader. I would text her and ask when she thinks she can pay you back as you have an expensive few months coming

TaliDiNozzo · 18/03/2017 19:45

Text her and ask her to make a bank transfer to you. She doesn't need her debit card for that.

my arse did she lose it

Original poster
GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:46

Why on earth didn't you say no?

I only realised when we were scanning everything through.

It was an awkward moment where if I said no then what would be my reason why? If that makes sense

OP posts:
MrsJaniceBattersby · 18/03/2017 19:47

Next time just brazen it out , just sit there with your tea and let her watch
Tell her you just can't lend her money until she has paid you back . Then never pay for her again
You're nice , your friend is not

honeyroar · 18/03/2017 19:47

Don't sit there upset, get mad. Text her and ask her when she's going to pay you back, text her again with an itemised list of what she owes you, text her again to remind her this was a loan not a gift, text her again and ask will you go to the bank with her on Monday...keep bugging her! And take the cleaner and household items home with you if no money is forthcoming, say you haven't got any money to buy your own stuff, so you'll take that for a start.

And don't fall for someone like that again.

FeckinCrutches · 18/03/2017 19:47

But you still ordered a takeaway? And went out the next day...

ImFuckingSpartacus · 18/03/2017 19:47

But then you bought her takeaway AND a meal and drinks even after she cheated you on shopping!
She thinks you're an easy mark, because frankly you may as well just hand her your purse and tell her to work away.

milliemolliemou · 18/03/2017 19:49

Poor OP. I'd go round and ask for the money with any receipts you have. Point out it's nearly £180. If she can't or doesn't pay you back then just tell her it won't be happening again and that the friendship's going nowhere however sad you are about it.

Eminado · 18/03/2017 19:49

To be honest OP i don't know how you sat there without saying anything. I would have had a right face on me.

Me too.

Agree with suggestion to text listing what you have paid for and asking her to transfer £xx tonight and let you know when done so you can check your ac as you have plans for tomorrow.

PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2017 19:50

I only realised when we were scanning everything through.

It was an awkward moment where if I said no then what would be my reason why? If that makes sense

That only applies to the shopping incident. I'd probably have paid for someone's shopping if they'd forgotten their card because I trust my friends to pay me back.

From your op she's been eating and drinking on your tab all weekend. How on earth did you let her rack up £180 of spending without saying something?

Eminado · 18/03/2017 19:50

It was an awkward moment where if I said no then what would be my reason why?

Because it's not your stuff?! Confused