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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think "friend" is fucking cheeky as

87 replies

GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:35

I stayed at a friends house last night and we nipped to the shops and we bought some food to share. She claims she lost her debit card but she still picked up a few bits for herself.

Unloading shopping and I start to separate it and she quickly says no you pay for it together and I'll pay you back. Fine I don't mind buying snacks but why should I fork out for your household items Hmm

We then bought takeaway .. which when I came to paying she stayed quiet and so I paid on my card ... we shared it with her housemate which I like but said no word of thanks.

We went out today (planned) and I had to again buy her 2 drinks and food as I ordered for myself and felt rude her sitting there not having anything.

This is on top of all the money I've lent her this month.

Total of money is around £180. I HATE asking for money back and some of the things are like £5, £15 etc so I feel petty asking for it back.

OP posts:
Meowstro · 18/03/2017 20:16

I have a friend who wasn't working at one point but she'd have never done that. I offered to buy lunch in pubs and drinks whilst out at one point which was my choice but never took anything. It isn't necessary to spend money to spend time with friends. Your friend doesn't sound desperate for money and even if she was, she's now overstepped the mark.

As pp said, asking when she can pay you back would be a good step although you'll probably have to accept you won't see the money again and it is likely to have some impact on your friendship. If she expects again in the future, just shrug and say you don't have money to pay for her, she doesn't know what other financial commitments you have and what's in your account. If she can't accept you're not a cash cow then drop her.

Charley50 · 18/03/2017 20:16

Just send her a totally non-emotive text saying "hi luv, here's my bank details: please transfer xx amount for the shopping takeaway etc asap. see you soon."
If she doesn't pay it in, then you decide whether to chase it up, cut down on the friendship, or whatever you want to do. But stop giving her money unless you're loaded and it truly is spare cash.

SuperFlyHigh · 18/03/2017 20:17

Agree with Lost I'd say the same as she said.

If you pay for or get things for her and she stays quiet then you say when you're next out or whatever "right lets go to the cashpoint so you can pay me back" or remind her like a flea in her ear.

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/03/2017 20:22

Oh God it's hideous, I've been in this position. A family member who thought we were much better off than we were at the time, staying with us for weekend. Trip to Sainsburys. Piled the trolley up with all manner of goods, including sanitary towels and tampons, other toiletries, general bits and bobs and then stood there and didn't even offer to pay for her stuff. My stuff came to about £8, hers to about £50 and I just paid. I was so embarrassed, didn't know her very well (longer backstory to this) so I just paid for it. No thanks, no nothing. She just packed her stuff in separate bags and walked out with me. I literally couldn't believe it. I have never had them back again, never would. Total piss take. I SO should have said something but it was excruciating at the time. OP, you're being a mug, you know this. Tell her she owes you X and never ever do this again. Lesson learned!

troodiedoo · 18/03/2017 20:24

Hope you're OK. It's not nice to realise that some people are not as decent as you are. She is a freeloader not a friend. My guess is you won't get that money back.

Never lend any money you can't afford to lose.

icelollycraving · 18/03/2017 20:27

It's £180 well spent to be rid. Give her the option,when it doesn't or comes with a big sob story,cut off the bank of girlnamedmax.

WyfOfBathe · 18/03/2017 20:27

Ask her for the shopping money and any other money you lent, because that was her idea and she said she would pay you back.

But in the cafe, you decided to order her food/drinks because you felt rude/awkward, so I don't think you can ask for that money back.

The takeaway is also a bit of a grey area in my opinion, because I would never ask a good friend to pay 1/2 of the takeaway - but then I know that next time, my friend would do the same for me.

TheOnlyColditz · 18/03/2017 20:29

If you're so desperate for company that you're prepared to pay for it, it might be cheaper to hire a prostitute. You could point that out to her

haveacupoftea · 18/03/2017 20:34

There's only one thing you can do with people like this and cut them off, because they aren't interested in being friends - she'd rather have the £180. It is extremely sad but some people choose freebies/a quick few pounds over friendship. I don't think you will ask her for the money because it clearly makes you uncomfortable. But don't waste any more on her.

Rainbunny · 18/03/2017 20:40

Sorry OP, sounds like you need to back away from this friendship. Next time she contacts you to get together I'd simply "Sorry but I can't afford to go out with you, I often pay for you and you never pay me back and I'm not going to do this anymore." It's hard to be blunt about these things but I'd be surprised if she dares to get angry at you for calling out her behaviour and if she does you'll be backing away from this friendship anyway.

user1484578224 · 18/03/2017 20:48

If you're so desperate for company that you're prepared to pay for it, it might be cheaper to hire a prostitute. You could point that out to her

not terribly sensitive or helpful

WelshMoth · 18/03/2017 20:48

If you're so desperate for company that you're prepared to pay for it, it might be cheaper to hire a prostitute. You could point that out to her

Hmm
TheOnlyColditz · 18/03/2017 20:50

Oh cock off, it was a joke.

Still, it might make a point. £60 a weekend and not even a blowjob to show for it ....

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 18/03/2017 20:51

Totally agree that she's taking the piss. However, you have a good opportunity to get your money back, just because she's lost her debit card.

You need to tell her "So glad I was able to help you out while you had lost your card. The amount you need to transfer back to me is £180 (I would itemise it at this point) and my bank details are blah blah blah". Good luck!!

LittleMermaidRose · 18/03/2017 21:05

"Hey, could you send me the money you owe me by Monday? I have bills coming out so I really need it back. Hope we can catch up again soon! x"

GabsAlot · 18/03/2017 21:24

i know someone who use to do this -purposely came out with a few of us an left before the bill used to come-thankfully dont see him anymore

complete pisstakers they know what theyre doing

TaliDiNozzo · 19/03/2017 06:51

OP are you going to try to get the money back? If you're anything like me this kind of resentment will fester if you don't.

Horrible being treated like this.

amysmummy12345 · 19/03/2017 07:05

Tell her money's tight, you've budgeted with that £180 in mind and its left you short, you need the money asap for the rent /council tax/food shop etc.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 19/03/2017 07:12

'Please pay me back the £180 I've lent you this month asap. I am not going to be able to afford my bills without it.'
That's all. She's a cheeky cow.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/03/2017 07:37

How did you get on OP ?

Kittykatclaws · 19/03/2017 07:53

All you need to say in future is "I'm really sorry but I don't have enough in my current account to pay for your shopping/takeaway/lunch on this occasion, don't worry if you can't afford/lost your card we can always go out next month if it's easier for you"
If she puts you on the spot at the till etc tough, she's using you and needs tough love. If she's a genuine friend she won't fall out with you.
You don't go out and buy things without the funds to pay for it, if she hasn't discussed borrowing a tenner to cover it before you get to the till she's a cheeky bitch and doesn't deserve your niceness.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/03/2017 08:04

I HATE asking for money back

There's the rub. Your "friend" knows this. She's freeloading off you and taking advantage of your good nature.

You're not at fault for buying stuff - when you're in the situation it's hard to say no. I would a) ask for the money back and b) regardless of whether she pays you back or not, stop being friends with her.

Only1scoop · 19/03/2017 08:09

She sounds like one of life's takers
Stop it

roundaboutthetown · 19/03/2017 08:15

Yes, you are a mug to let it get to £180. I would outright tell her you are beginning to feel seriously taken advantage of, as you have spent £180 on her this month and not a word from her about paying you back or explaining why she needs you to pay for everything.

BeyondThePage · 19/03/2017 08:16

She is a taker - however, you have given...

If you said to her it is a loan etc with an expectation on BOTH sides of repayment, ask for the money. If however you just paid and let it happen, then would think you need to go down the route of "I paid last time, can you get it this time?"

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