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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "friend" is fucking cheeky as

87 replies

GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:35

I stayed at a friends house last night and we nipped to the shops and we bought some food to share. She claims she lost her debit card but she still picked up a few bits for herself.

Unloading shopping and I start to separate it and she quickly says no you pay for it together and I'll pay you back. Fine I don't mind buying snacks but why should I fork out for your household items Hmm

We then bought takeaway .. which when I came to paying she stayed quiet and so I paid on my card ... we shared it with her housemate which I like but said no word of thanks.

We went out today (planned) and I had to again buy her 2 drinks and food as I ordered for myself and felt rude her sitting there not having anything.

This is on top of all the money I've lent her this month.

Total of money is around £180. I HATE asking for money back and some of the things are like £5, £15 etc so I feel petty asking for it back.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 18/03/2017 19:51

She's doing this precisely because she knows you hate confrontation and asking for it back. Stop being so wet! If it bothers you then stop paying !!!

expatinscotland · 18/03/2017 19:52

Fuck, I'd have told her no from the get go. No wonder she took you for a mug, you were. Best of luck getting the money back. I'd believe that when I saw it. Some friend.

AnaisB · 18/03/2017 19:53

If she's lost her card can't you just ask her to transfer you some money? I'd ask for what I'm owed and also offer to get some more cash out for her - ie "if you transfer me an extra £100 on top of what you owe I'll give it you in cash."

Or do you think that the card was never lost?

FinallyHere · 18/03/2017 19:53

what would be my reason why?

Well, what would be her reason for letting you pay? Because you are there, I suppose.

You really don't need a reason, but in your shoes I would withdraw from the friendship. You are really just paying for her company at this point. Don't do it, it wont end well.

DrippyWet · 18/03/2017 19:54

I don't understand why you were worried about looking rude. I get paying for the shopping but I don't get why you kept paying fir other things.

Not sure why you feel petty asking for it back either. Sad

Original poster
GirlnamedMax · 18/03/2017 19:54

From your op she's been eating and drinking on your tab all weekend. How on earth did you let her rack up £180 of spending without saying something?

It wasn't from this weekend. It was this month.

OP posts:
icanteven · 18/03/2017 19:56

Text her now:

Hi - had a great night last night. I just checked my bank balance and I'm going to have to ask you to pay you back the money you owe my by tomorrow night. My bank details are 12345678 and 12-34-56 but if you need to use your credit card I can send you a Paypal request and you can send it that way. Please let me know this evening though. Huge thanks - sorry to spring it on you but it's v. important. Have a good night tonight with XYZ. Give them my love. Max xxx

frauleinsallybowles · 18/03/2017 19:56

nip it in the bud now.. i had a so called mate like this she was really my dh's cousins ex whom i had kind of made friends with if that makes sense and she used to come to our house drink our alcahol, pinch my cigs and then demand a taxi home. she was a total freeloader and out of embarrasment we let her away with this time and time again untill i snapped on day.
Honestly in the long run its better to just tell her to piss off!

PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2017 19:57

It wasn't from this weekend. It was this month.

Fine, but you've let her spend £180 of your money without addressing this issue.

Why do you think that is?

icanteven · 18/03/2017 19:57

(obv. with the actual £180 mentioned:

"Between the money I lent you earlier in the month, the drinks, takeaway and stuff from the shop last night, it comes to £180 - that's quite a lot for me, so I need it back. Thanks!"

PollytheDolly · 18/03/2017 19:57

You're too nice OP. People take advantage of nice people.

I'd get rid of her out of my friend circle immediately. Cheeky cow.

Don't cry for being a nice person, she's not worth it x

user1489189598 · 18/03/2017 19:58

I like icanteven's suggestion... that you need the money without saying why.

Good luck, OP. Be brave, be strong. Say no....

Falafelings · 18/03/2017 19:59

Stop taking your card and only take cash for your bit

MusicToMyEars800 · 18/03/2017 20:02

she is a user OP, good friends don't do that! if I go out with my friend we get food and drinks and go halves on the bill, or if she buys coffee for us both one day I get the coffees the next time we always do this, split the cost or take it in turns to buy lunch etc

lettuce1st · 18/03/2017 20:03

Just tell her your skint now and you could do with your money back. Jesus she sounds like a bitch

Falafelings · 18/03/2017 20:04

So if the takeaway is 16, you bring £8 cash.

Or if your going to the cinema plus coffee in a cafe, take enough for both and say 'I've only got enough for my activities so won't sub you'

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 18/03/2017 20:05

She can do online banking and do a transfer to you without needing her debit card.

Text her and tell her you need the money back before the end of this weekend. If she comes up with a load of excuses about not having it, then I would be sending her a shitty text asking her why the fuck she picked up a load of shopping if she didn't have the money to pay for it, then telling her not to bother getting in touch again unless she's going to pay the money back.

user1484578224 · 18/03/2017 20:06

oh poor OP you sound upset. What are the living arrangements? Is your so called friend a wage earner?

FeckinCrutches · 18/03/2017 20:06

We are only 18 days into this month, so that's £10 a day you're spending on her....or £60 a weekend if you only see her then...

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 18/03/2017 20:06

I'm trying to remember the epic thread where another MNer had a friend like this - deep pockets and short arms. With the backing of MN she went out for lunch and OP had only taken just enough cash for her own meal - cue look of horror from her tight mate who'd expected OP to pick up the tab yet again.

I'll try and find it.

user1484578224 · 18/03/2017 20:07

Whats nice about her?

CookieLady · 18/03/2017 20:09

Send an itemised breakdown of what she owes you this month. In future politely but firmly refuse to pay for her. Your reason is simply you can't afford it.

A good idea as pointed out above only to take out enough cash to cover your expenses.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/03/2017 20:09

Aww, OP, you are a kind and lovely person, who is being taken advantage of, you poor love.
Time to fight back, we'll help you.
Firstly take the good advice of icanteven.
Do it OP, do it now !

LostMyDotBrain · 18/03/2017 20:10

I'd pay for a mate's shopping if she forgot her card. But then I really don't get why when the takeaway was ordered you didn't just say "you can get this as I got the shopping". Or even let her know the next day that it was definitely her turn to pay for things. And why are you lending her money? Is she really hard up or something? Because she may well be thinking that you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart because you know she's been struggling for money...especially as you haven't been saying anything, just paying up!

Falafelings · 18/03/2017 20:12

'Hi xxx, I'll need my £180 back on payday. i can give you a breakdown if you'd like one. Will need you to square up by x date though'