I've name changed for this as some details are quite identifying.
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years. His home town is 350 miles away and his parents and sister and family live there. Up until last year I had met his parents and sister once when we made the trip so I could be introduced to them. I know he's not particularly close to his parents and his relationship with his sister isn't' good as they just never really got on and he felt that his parents would always 'take her side'. She lives 5 minutes away from their parents and always feels the need to point out that she has a better relationship with them and does everything for them.
Last October we got engaged, two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis was poor. At the time I asked him if he wanted to just have a quick registry office wedding in his home town so she could be there, he said he didn't want to do it like that. Plans for the wedding later this year went ahead. We visited again just after her diagnosis. I was very conscious that wedding plans were forging ahead and I didn't want her to felt left out so I casually dropped into conversation that we had found a venue, his mother changed the subject and I left it at that. I appreciate that she had other things to think about than our wedding. His father did ask to see my engagement ring on the way out but that was it.
In December my fiancé had to make the trip down to near his home town for work. He spoke to his father and said he would try to get over to visit and would ring him to confirm. As it was meetings over ran and he was unable to make it. He didn't ring to let them know, but in his mind as he said he would ring to confirm there wouldn't be a problem. (He has now admitted that he was in the wrong and should have called, he has since apologised for this.)
Following this things have become very frosty between him and his family. Three weeks ago we received a text from his father to say that his mum had gone into a hospice. My fiancé immediately tried calling his father a few times but got no answer, as thought he would be in and out of the hospice and unable to asnswer his phone he sent his father a text to say he would like to visit this weekend. He received a very curt reply saying that his father and his sister had worked very hard to make his mother comfortable and any ciosit would have to be short, so as not to upset her. My fiancé made the trip and had a chance to really talk with his dad and was pleased that they had cleared the air and very positive about their relationship. Following this visit my fiancé texted his father everyday, sometimes he received replies, sometimes not. Again we thought that this was fine as he had other things to think about. Last week my fiancé received a text to say that his mother had died, he tried to call his father but could not get hold of him. He has texted daily asking his father if he wants him to come home, or if he can help in any way. He has received no replies. Then his father texted him and said that he didn't understand why he hadn't heard from him in a year but had received 55 texts in the last 18 days. He said he hadn't spoken to his mother in over a year and this was "too little, too late". The reality is my fiancé and his mother had been in contact almost daily over whatsapp.
Today my fiancé had received a typed letter in the post informing him the date and time of the funeral. There is no mention of him coming in the cars to the crem or anything else to do with the family. Just the dune, date and time, signed 'regards'.
Fiancé is now saying he is not going to the funeral. He doesn't want there to be a scene and he thinks his sister will cause one. I've tried to encourage him to go but he won't entertain the idea. Should I be doing anything else?
Phew, that was long. Thanks if you made it this far.