Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feed the vegan child cheese

371 replies

cheesyinkent · 17/03/2017 20:00

NC for this to not out myself. DS 8 has a friend coming round for tea next week. The mother has stressed very heavily that he is vegan, can't touch any dairy or meat as it will make him very unwell. However ds says his favourite food is normal cheese and cheesy pizza. Apparently he has it all the time when away from his DM.

Who do I follow? I've looked in asda and could only find one vegan cheese, it didn't look like the pizza kind - more a spreadable cream cheese thing.

OP posts:
Ta1kinPeace · 17/03/2017 21:19

Violife
www.tesco.com/groceries/product/details/?id=285363592
What are starch and modified starch ?

mozzarisella
what was on the land before the coconut plantations

But more to the point....
if you are vegan, why do you pretend to sere cheese ?

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 17/03/2017 21:21

Why do some people see veganism and vegetarianism as some kind of personal affront?
Also, why do people try to get them to eat meat/cheese when they wouldn't dream of doing that to someone who was Muslim or Jewish.

Anyway Apparently he has it all the time when away from his DM. according to whom? Your 8 year old?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/03/2017 21:23

The Mum is putting her trust in you after telling you what her DS cannot eat and you want to go against her wishes? Hmm

I'm not vegan but I'm vegetarian and very limited dairy. If I eat something fatty like cheddar I have the worst cramps.
Add bread into the mix (I ate a sandwhich consisting of 2 slices of brown at a training day. I was grim the next day. That was my choice -poor as it was- I wouldn't want to be tricked into it.

1horatio · 17/03/2017 21:29

Ta1kinPeace

If the boy isn't "vegan" (or as some would say, he's "just" plantbased...) for ethical reasons then that just doesn't matter...

BillSykesDog · 17/03/2017 21:29

I feel sorry for kids who are only fed crap too, but it's not socially restrictive in the same kind of way. Nobody sends their kid to their mates with a list insisting all food must be at least 10% fat, fried and not contain any vegetable or pulse except potato. No child has ever been forced to eat a plate of turkey twizzlers and smiley faces because they're banned from eating the sea bass and vegetables the rest of the family are tucking into. Or had to look on from the sidelines at birthday parties with a few chips and carrot sticks.

I feel sorry for this kid because obviously at 8 he has to some extent questioned whether veganism is the thing for him and decided that he wants to try non-vegan things. However it sounds like his mother might be quite dogmatic and controlling about and he is being forced into doing it deceitfully rather than feeling he can talk to his mother about it and be listened to. I think it's very sad he's too frightened to bring this up with his Mum, or hasn't been listened to if he has.

I don't mean the mother should stop keeping a vegan house and set up a hog roast in her back garden or that he should be allowed to dictate his entire diet. A vegan home is her choice and he should be eating what he's served there. But I think at 8, if he's feeling he would like to try a bit of cheese or butter at a friend's house he shouldn't feel like he has to be frightened of bringing it up with his mother or has to do it in secret.

It's not just veganism though, I'd feel sad for any child who didn't feel that they could question whether they held the same principles as their parents and be respected if they didn't feel they wanted to go the same way.

BillSykesDog · 17/03/2017 21:30

Although as I said, I wouldn't go against the mother's wishes.

butterfly990 · 17/03/2017 21:31

I used to visit a vegan family and they appeared to live on pesto pasta, so that is what I would serve up.

ohlittlepea · 17/03/2017 21:32

Can't he just have pizza without cheese? Vegan 'cheese' is grim and full of shite.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/03/2017 21:33

Ah this is one of the reasons that DH and I - both vegetarian- chose not to bring our DC up as vegetarian Hmm

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/03/2017 21:34

butterfly pesto isn't vegan or even vegetarian if its Parmesan (rennet)

TheWorldAccordingToToads · 17/03/2017 21:36

I used to visit a vegan family and they appeared to live on pesto pasta

I thought pesto had parmesan in it?

1horatio · 17/03/2017 21:38

pesto can be parmesan free :)

a lot of nuts, basil leaves etc... We used to have a homemade cheesefree jar in our fridge (the cheese was added later).

This way it kept fresh longer and there were no issues with my vegan sister needing something different.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/03/2017 21:44

Why do you have to cook pizza just because DS it's his favourite? I would love a lobster Thermidor but it ain't happening

Judydreamsofhorses · 17/03/2017 21:46

Vegetable fajitas - I do peppers, onions, mushrooms and tinned sweetcorn - would be a good shout, with guacamole and salsa, and a nice salad on the side.

MarklahMarklah · 17/03/2017 21:46

You can get vegan pesto.

The thing is, the mother has specified vegan. It's unclear whether this is through choice or necessity, but it would be sensible to err on the side of caution and assume allergy. Then again, it would also be sensible to err on the side of politeness and feed her child a vegan meal.

I'm moving from vegetarianism to vegan at the moment. It's really not that difficult in terms of snacks/light teas. I need to work more on some alternatives and filling meals for other days, but I'm getting there.

It would be fairly easy to make something for a meal that was vegan and didn't need cheese. Beans on toast is always good. :)

Albadross · 17/03/2017 21:50

I find it OTT saying you 'fundamentally disagree with veganism'. Don't we all kind of agree that murdering living things isn't exactly without moral question when there are plenty of plant sources for nutrients we need?

Nobody ever died miserable because they missed out on cheese. Kids want to fit in, I think it's a good lesson to learn that you don;t have to do things just to fit in. There are many things that we'd probably all love to try, but that we know wouldn't really be worth it. People just make such a big deal out of veganism and other than guilt, I can't understand why.

Rainbunny · 17/03/2017 21:51

How about veggie quesadillas or fajitas? Or a nice hearty lentil vegetable soup (you could have chopped chicken, ham or sausage as an add-in item for you own DC?

lavenderandrose · 17/03/2017 21:52

Sometimes, something is worth taking a stand over.

No one wants their child to be put in an awkward position socially. But there are occasions where your beliefs are so important that they override social situations.

I'm a bad vegan. I am "just vegetarian" when eating out or at friends'. But the reasons for my vegan choices are still valid.

knackeredinyorkshire · 17/03/2017 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatyFlo · 17/03/2017 22:00

I've been both a meat - eater and a vegetarian. I have vegan, vegetarian and meat-eaters family members and friends.

I have NEVER known a vegan or a vegetarian to be the slightest bit interested in what anybody else is eating. Ever. Especially not to point that they would feel any inclination whatsoever to pass any sort of comment about what is on a meat eaters plate. It is always the meat eaters that make judgement or pass comment. Always.

And people say that vegans and vegetarians preach....

BillSykesDog · 17/03/2017 22:03

But there are occasions where your beliefs are so important that they override social situations.

But they are her beliefs. And this boy has obviously come to the conclusion that they are not so important to him that he wants them to override social situations. Taking a stand for your own principles is very different from forcing them onto someone who is unwilling.

I think it's a question of where you draw the line with accepting that your children are individuals with their own choices and opinions which are separate from your own. If this boy has come to this decision so firmly that he's prepared to deceive his parents to take that step, I suspect he's probably old enough to be listened to about it.

Original poster
cheesyinkent · 17/03/2017 22:08

I think it's a question of where you draw the line with accepting that your children are individuals with their own choices and opinions which are separate from your own. If this boy has come to this decision so firmly that he's prepared to deceive his parents to take that step, I suspect he's probably old enough to be listened to about it.

Thanks that's exactly my point. Many have said about Muslims here and tbh if a Muslim child was at my house and asked for a bacon sandwich I would still feel bad saying no as they are their own person. Maybe 8 is too young, but come 12+ I think it should be the child's choice.

Anyway I'm researching vegan pizza we can't have coconut products due to an allergy with dd so looks like many are not suitable.

OP posts:
NennyNooNoo · 17/03/2017 22:08

I wouldn't recommend vegan 'cheese'. I tried one last year that i bought in Tesco and it was absolutely vile - nothing like cheese whatsoever in flavour with a rather greasy texture and no real flavour other than a lot of salt. Instead, why not do falafels or hummus in pitta breads with salad, or something else that doesn't involve cheese? Beans and pulses, guacamole etc.

lavenderandrose · 17/03/2017 22:19

We don't know that, Bill

We only have the word of another eight year old.

Hypothetically, though, if it emerges that the child in fact does disagree with veganism and is eating cheese - at this young age I would be disinclined to go against the parents' wishes. I suppose a similar comparison might be to take a child with atheist parents to church: at thirteen, fair enough, at eight, no.

OneSecondAfter · 17/03/2017 22:19

But they are her beliefs. And this boy has obviously come to the conclusion that they are not so important to him that he wants them to override social situations. Taking a stand for your own principles is very different from forcing them onto someone who is unwilling

Totally agree. That's why when my 8 year old son's friends come over, if they ask for chocolate, coke, cigarettes, or anything like that, I give it to them. I don't agree with their parents forcing their beliefs onto their child. An 8 year is an individual who can make his own choices and should be able to eat a kilo of chocolate and smoke cigarettes if that's what he wants, goddamnit!