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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feed the vegan child cheese

371 replies

cheesyinkent · 17/03/2017 20:00

NC for this to not out myself. DS 8 has a friend coming round for tea next week. The mother has stressed very heavily that he is vegan, can't touch any dairy or meat as it will make him very unwell. However ds says his favourite food is normal cheese and cheesy pizza. Apparently he has it all the time when away from his DM.

Who do I follow? I've looked in asda and could only find one vegan cheese, it didn't look like the pizza kind - more a spreadable cream cheese thing.

OP posts:
Hughpughbarneymagrew · 17/03/2017 20:16

If he really doesn't have cheese in his normal diet he may have become lactose intolerant. Giving cheese could make him really sick!

DS and I are dairy free for allergy reasons. There are some vile df cheeses out there and many don't melt very well... "Violife for pizza" (not the regular Violife) is the best from Holland & Barratt imo

Theresnonamesleft · 17/03/2017 20:17

Make Vegan pizzas. No special meals involved and everyone can have some.
Maybe your child sees him eating pizza and assumes he eats normal cheese, yet it's vegan cheese.

FloatyFlo · 17/03/2017 20:19

I just feel sad for the child

Get a bloody grip. Why on earth would you fer sad for him?? You do realise some children out there have way worse things happen to them than growing up with a vegan diet. Fucking hell.

Just make/buy a vegan pizza. It's really not hard. Why is this such an issue?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 17/03/2017 20:22

Yes definitely give him cheese on top of a fillet steak with a poached egg on top with a bowl of ice cream, cream and gelatine to finish off

dangermouseisace · 17/03/2017 20:23

I'm vegan and when I've tried to eat a bit of dairy to be polite it's given me really awful stomach pains/runs for the next day. Please, please, please don't give them cheese/butter or anything else the mother has forbidden!

You could always make a calzone - folded over pizza that looks like a pasty- veg/tofu in the middle. Or violife do a good vegan cheese for pizza- you wouldn't get it in asda though more a health food shop thing. Or you could just fry up some mediterranean veg/mushrooms and a bit of red onion and put that on top of the pizza sauce on the pizza with no cheese at all, maybe some olives. If you put the veg on raw it can be a bit weird, but cooked already it will be lovely.

MsJudgemental · 17/03/2017 20:23

What Flo said! If he was Muslim or Jewish and said he fancied some bacon would you give it to him? No? Well think about Veganism the same way.

BikeRunSki · 17/03/2017 20:23

You don't really know if he's vegan for his parents' ethical reasons or for medical reasons. Maybe he had complex allergies which are most easily summarised as "vegan diet only".

Also, how would you feel if you asked an adult to do something, they agreed, and then they specifically went against it because your child asked them to?

katseyes7 · 17/03/2017 20:25

lt could be because they are actually proper vegans, or an intolerance kind of thing.
When my cousin's son was small, his mum told my aunt that he wasn't to have anything with cow's milk as he was allergic/intolerant to it (it was a long time ago and l can't remember the technicalities of it).
However my aunt's attitude was "she works in a hospital (she was a radiographer) and she thinks she knows everything" and gave the little one chocolate buttons.
l don't know if they actually made him ill, but l was about 18 at the time, and commented that if she'd been asked not to, she shouldn't give him stuff like that.
My mother told me that it was none of my business and l was being cheeky (l was 18 at the time!) thinking l knew better than my aunt, who had been looking after babies for years.
Personally, l wouldn't have done it. lf he'd been ill afterwards l'd have felt terrible.
l'd go with what some of the other posters have suggested. Baked potato and beans, unless his mum suggests something else.

LauraMipsum · 17/03/2017 20:25

I fed my veggie daughter a Fry's "meatless fest" pizza tonight (Holland and Barrett) as a supposed treat. She really didn't like it - she's never eaten meat and the toppings were too realistic! For those who want a recommendation for a vegan pizza - Fry's have nailed it.

But seriously would you take an 8yo's word for what he "always" does in any other circumstances? If he says he's always allowed to watch 18 rated films and he always gets to play Call of Duty and he always gets a sip of dad's beer and he always stays up til midnight? I think you might be allowing your pity for a child not getting the foods you enjoy to cloud your judgment...

BeanCalledPickle · 17/03/2017 20:25

Vegan fish fingers in Sainsbury's. Fish finger sandwich is great after school food. Why feel sorry for him? He is likely to experience better health than his peers and is living a life that isn't dependent on the exploration of animals. Hardly something to pity.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/03/2017 20:25

I had a dd who was for a long time allergic to chocolate in various forms. I would frequently get a call telling me she'd thrown up. I always knew why, despite denial.

Almostrubbish · 17/03/2017 20:25

I was the girl that fed the vegan child a ham sandwich although it was an accident.... I think I'd just try to have options in the house.

multivac · 17/03/2017 20:26

"Do I listen to the parent, or what my eight-year-old child says about another eight-year-old child...?"

Gosh... what a dilemma...

AllThePrettySeahorses · 17/03/2017 20:27

Of course you don't give him dairy!

Something like this happened to 4 year old DD. We're veggie and her school knew (and vegetarian kids were always taken down to lunch separately) but they gave her and the others meat after a few weeks. Needless to say, I was furious. I can't trust them any more and I'm looking to change schools because of this and a few other incidents.

TheNiffler · 17/03/2017 20:27

If it's Vio-life creamy in the tub, it makes fantastic pizza topping. Just dot the pizzas with big blobs, and cook as normal. DDs actually prefer it, luckily for them.

Please don't give him cheese, it's not for you to decide.

tinypop4 · 17/03/2017 20:27

aw don't, worst case scenario is that he has a very unpleasant allergy or intolerance and you will feel awful. His mother may also find out that you ignored her wishes and be upset - I would be if I had said specifically.
I would do jacket potatoes for everyone who is eating and put various fillings on the table - some vegan and some not so he doesn't feel singled out. You could do baked beans, a mixed bean salad, or mashed avocado with cherry tomatoes for the vegan option(s)

JennyWoodentop · 17/03/2017 20:28

For a child that age you go with the mum's advice or you don't feed him but ask him to bring his own food.

Some of my kids' friends have serious food allergies and some have religious dietary restrictions, before you even think about vegetarians and vegans.

Your son needs to mind his own business about what other people eat and why, and not make promises to his friend that you can't deliver on without going against the child's mother. The child can make his own choices when he's older.

1horatio · 17/03/2017 20:28

ds has been saying we'll have pizza

You can make really really delicious vegan pizza :)! Really!

But you need a very flavour intense tomato sauce. The traditional Italian kind, the one that you cook for ages. It's delicious :)!!

joystir59 · 17/03/2017 20:28

you can get vegan cheese at the health food shop (H & B)

BillSykesDog · 17/03/2017 20:29

If what the child has said is true I do feel sorry for him. It would be awful to have such a restrictive diet imposed on you unnecessarily and against your wishes.

I still wouldn't give him anything non-vegan though.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 17/03/2017 20:30

Why don't you tell the mother that your son would love to have pizza with her son. Can she please give you a recipe or recommendations for one?

TheNiffler · 17/03/2017 20:30

Oh, and if you fed a child with dairy, and they then kissed me, I'd go into anaphylactic shock.

Just another thing for those who know best to think about.

TheNiffler · 17/03/2017 20:32

Being vegan really, really isn't restricting at all. We eat far better, and have a much more varied diet now.

JaneEyre70 · 17/03/2017 20:33

If she's stressed heavily that it will make him unwell, I'd steer well clear to be honest. I had one of DDs friends here once, and DD asked if she could stay for tea. We were having curry and rice, and it wasn't until we'd all finished that her friend started going red, and asked if it had nuts in as she was allergic and her throat was swelling..........talk about terrifying, luckily she carried an epi pen and I phoned her mum straightaway who reassured me that all was ok and I couldn't have known, but I did feel absolutely awful about it for days after. It could be a simple reaction such as stomach cramps or diarrhoea, but if she's made a point of saying about it, I'd listen to her and not the 8 year old. Having a child have anaphylactic reaction in front of you is not a pleasant experience, let alone for the child themselves.

BarInSpace · 17/03/2017 20:33

Get vegan stuff. Why would the mother would make the request if it wasn't necessary?

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