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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feed the vegan child cheese

371 replies

cheesyinkent · 17/03/2017 20:00

NC for this to not out myself. DS 8 has a friend coming round for tea next week. The mother has stressed very heavily that he is vegan, can't touch any dairy or meat as it will make him very unwell. However ds says his favourite food is normal cheese and cheesy pizza. Apparently he has it all the time when away from his DM.

Who do I follow? I've looked in asda and could only find one vegan cheese, it didn't look like the pizza kind - more a spreadable cream cheese thing.

OP posts:
HereWeGoRound · 18/03/2017 11:15

BillSykesDog, debunked? Can you tell me what's not true in the video? Genuinely curious.

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2017 11:16

The problem is you don't know the reasons they are vegan - is it ethical (and if so is it a conscious choice by the child or has it been imposed on them by the parents - in the latter case I feel that is quite unfair and would be happy for the child to eat whatever they chose in my home) or is it allergy related - but even then is it actually the child's allergy (I know of a whole household who ate a vegan diet because one parent was allergic to dairy) or even is it genuine - again another child I know wasn't allowed dairy at all because mum convinced herself child was lactose intolerant. Child isn't at all, but mum still refuses to accept it, resulting in a situation where mum still tells everyone they mustn't give X dairy, whilst X will happily ask for and eat cheesy pizza, icecream, chocolate etc...

Children of 8 are old enough to know if they are allergic/ intolerant to something, and what happens if they eat it. If a child this age said they weren't allergic, and didn't ethically object to eating meat/ dairy, I would be very tempted to let them eat what they wanted. And definitely so with a child older than 8.

Beachedwh4le · 18/03/2017 11:17

At 8 my DS isn't, in my opinion, able to fully comprehend the moral/ethical dilemmas associated with eating meat/dairy, so I feel I should be protective of his little meat free soul for a little longer. I hope that doesn't make me a bad parent Grin

AwaywiththePixies27 · 18/03/2017 11:17

But OP that could be the time he's allowed a treat. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be too happy if someone had given your DD coconut 'because Tim's Mum had seen her nick a bit of bounty once' for example Confused

I once had to cake cakes for the school Christmas party. I did a snowman thing with strawberry laces. DD informed me she had a friend in the class who couldn't eat strawberries. She might have been fine with strawberry laces. She might not have done. So I bought a packet of cakes as 'an extra' for the girl and anyone else who's didn't want / couldn't eat them.

I wasn't sceptical and sent them in with a message to DDs friend that I wasn't sure if she really could eat them so she can like it or lump it. It didn't take much effort on my part and her mum was thankful I'd thought of her.

Veganism is quite popular now and easily accommodated. Scepticism on dairy stuff or not. It's not 1992 anymore.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 18/03/2017 11:18

*bake cakes.

Sweets101 · 18/03/2017 11:24

I am vegan, my children aren't. Bu i would be thrilled if they were influenced by my lifestyle/eating habits, and it encouraged them to ask questions and see veganism as an easy, happy way of life. We shall see.

Sweets101 · 18/03/2017 11:25

I do think it makes more logical sense though to have veganism as the base line and let children choose as they get older if they want to add in meat, fish and dairy.

HereWeGoRound · 18/03/2017 11:27

VelvetSpoon my diabetic MIL makes herself ill all the time by eating cake and pudding. She just has no self control. Put a bowl of chocolates in front of a dairy-intolerant child and see if he/she has the self control not to eat them! Just because a child is 8 and knows they have food allergies it doesn't necessarily stop them from eating their poison. Forbidden fruit is always tempting.

DXBMermaid · 18/03/2017 11:27

Chips are vegan

Feed the child chips with ketchup and some crudités and hummous on the side.

PaperdollCartoon · 18/03/2017 11:29

VelvetSpoon do you really think parents shouldn't impose anything on their children in regard to moral or ethics? Would it be fine if you child decided they personally weren't morally opposed to punching other children, 'oh that's fine' Would you say 'we don't impose our morals on our child, it's their choice if they want to hurt people' - erm no?! You'd teach them its wrong to hurt people. You would IMPOSE your moral view of non-violence on them. It's also wrong to harm animals when there's loads of other things to eat, teaching children compassion isn't harming them.

PaperdollCartoon · 18/03/2017 11:31

Sweets agree. I will raise my children eating what I eat, and explain why. If they want to eat those things when they grow up and understand what's actually involved in that choice - the death or suffering of an animal - then that will be their choice.

LakieLady · 18/03/2017 11:31

veganism only has positive benefits for the environment and the animals in it

Dung beetles would soon go if there weren't any beasts in the fields.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/03/2017 11:31

I went to school with someone that wasn't allowed bacon, and they always pigged out on it when they got the chance and has probably given them issues around food for the rest of their life.

Hmm
ImFuckingSpartacus · 18/03/2017 11:33

Vegan fish fingers in Sainsbury's. Fish finger sandwich is great after school food

Vegans: I don't care what you eat but stop attacking the english language. You can't have vegan fish fingers, its an oxymoron. stop it!

LuxCoDespondent · 18/03/2017 11:33

Try vegan "cheese" mainly but perhaps add a little "proper" cheese in there too. The child is looking forward to pizza and the chances are the mother is overplaying the vegan thing. If the child does get ill - which they probably won't - you can honestly tell the mother that you "used vegan cheese". Economical with the truth perhaps, but I doubt there will be any repercussions.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 18/03/2017 11:36

Try vegan "cheese" mainly but perhaps add a little "proper" cheese in there too. The child is looking forward to pizza and the chances are the mother is overplaying the vegan thing. If the child does get ill - which they probably won't - you can honestly tell the mother that you "used vegan cheese". Economical with the truth perhaps, but I doubt there will be any repercussions

Why is it ok to completely ignore what the boy's mum is saying? The fact that people are so keen to dismiss her or to undermine her is mind blowing. Would you be ok with someone deciding what you'd said was bollocks and overruling you?

ImFuckingSpartacus · 18/03/2017 11:36

Always find it astounding how many people think parents shouldn't pass on their ethics to their children

Nothing astounding here. Of course you can pass on your ethics, but force feeding a restrictive diet to a child who is old enough to say "I don't want this, I want cheese" is not that.

This isn't about behaviour, or interaction, or anything. Food is a fundamental, and making another person be vegan when they are old enough to have their own opinion and don't want to be....its a problem.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 18/03/2017 11:38

My DS wanted pizza when my dad gave it to him, he loved every bite. Didn't stop him being hospitalised because someone saw fit to overrule my instructions because they thought I was being precious!

SaudadeObama · 18/03/2017 11:39

I don't parent other people's kids. If the parent said they were vegan and they wanted pizza I'd either make a cheese free pizza or use vegan cheese. Listening to an 8 year old on the eating habits of other children is never wise!

SuburbanRhonda · 18/03/2017 11:39

You can't have vegan fish fingers, its an oxymoron. stop it!

Try telling that to the new wave of vegans who think oysters are vegan because scientists haven't yet discovered whether or not they feel pain.

HereWeGoRound · 18/03/2017 11:43

ImFuckingSpartacus, and if your child is old enough to say "I don't want beef, potatoes, carrots and gravy for lunch, I want a McDonalds Happy Meal with strawberry milkshake" that would be ok would it?
Here's a bowl of fruit for desert Johhny... "No, I don't want fruit, I want chocolate pudding because I'm old enough to make that choice!"
My toddler has decided she doesn't want to eat anything green. Is she old enough to make that decision? When is she old enough to make that decision?!

ImFuckingSpartacus · 18/03/2017 11:44

I don't think thats the same thing, personally. Of course they can't always have what they want, but telling them they can never have entire food groups because of your ethics.....well its not my business what others do with their children but I don't like the idea of it.

OreoDream · 18/03/2017 11:45

Try vegan "cheese" mainly but perhaps add a little "proper" cheese in there too. The child is looking forward to pizza and the chances are the mother is overplaying the vegan thing. If the child does get ill - which they probably won't - you can honestly tell the mother that you "used vegan cheese". Economical with the truth perhaps, but I doubt there will be any repercussions.

I really hope this poster is trolling and is not actually a parent.

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2017 11:45

Imposing acceptable societal standards of behaviour is rather different to restricting your diet on the grounds of compassion. I would feel the same about a diet restricted for religious reasons, it just doesn't sit well with me. And unless adopting a vegan diet means you also never wear or use any leather or leather related products, or indeed anything that results in harming an animal, and also only wear/ use ethically sourced products, it feels a little hypocritical. You may well do. But I've worked with a few vegans in the past who whilst regularly telling us how disgusting it was that we perpetuated cruelty to animals by eating meat and dairy, were happy to wear leather shoes, belts etc, and share our (non vegan) wine in drinks after work. Or castigate us for betting on the Grand National, whilst leaving their pet dog (also on a vegan diet) home alone for 8-10 hours a day.

Disclaimer - I do appreciate not all vegans are like this.

As for children not being able to resist chocolate, the child I mentioned in my post (who was wrongly believed to be lactose intolerant) would never touch milk, ice cream, chocolate from much younger than 8 (unless told it was their special milk/ cheese) because it had been drummed into them it would make them ill. Now they know none of it actually affects them, it's a different story. I would be surprised if a child of 8 wouldn't know or acknowledge if they really were allergic to a particular food, or food group.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 18/03/2017 11:45

Try telling that to the new wave of vegans who think oysters are vegan because scientists haven't yet discovered whether or not they feel pain

[biggrin]

Blimey, some of them need some more B vitamins for brain power, don't they?