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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be gutted by my sons comment?

160 replies

ThatWhiteElephant · 17/03/2017 19:32

So on Sunday I'll be in town. Son (14) will be in town too, with his friends.
Just got told by son "if you see me on Sunday with my friends don't talk to me and just ignore me."
Gobsmacked I am!
Are all teenaged boys like this?

OP posts:
Lelly0503 · 19/03/2017 12:04

When I was about 12-14 if I went out into town with my mum and say a friend of mine we'd say 'mum can you walk behind us and pretend you don't know us' I think we thought it was so cool to act like we were on our own. Now at 26 I'm always saying to my mum let's do this together let's go here and my bf is the same with his mum so it's obv a stage you grow out of

rogueantimatter · 19/03/2017 12:06

I hope the replies to your OP are making you feel better. It's such a horrible shock when your DC start with the horrible teen stuff.

I'm with MrsDeV - I'd ask him what he thinks you might say or do that he would find so embarrassing, reassure him you won't say such stuff but tell him you're not going to blank him if you see him when he's out as that would be very odd.

Mine were never as open as to make this request, but DS used to be very keen to get away as quickly as he could despite my best efforts to be low key and not embarrassing. Once, even his friend was virtually running away from me when his mum was calling him on my phone - he wasn't answering his phone Grin

Ethylred · 19/03/2017 12:08

DD didn't need to tell me this, but she had to tell her father. He was proud that he'd raised an independent child. Quite right too.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/03/2017 12:08

Make sure to add it to the "list of things you intend to mention in your toast at his wedding". Make sure he sees you do this.Grin

QueenOfTheCatBastards · 19/03/2017 12:11

If my teen tried that with us she'd be grounded. There's no call for abysmal manners. I'd never go out of my way to find/embarrass her, but if we bumped into her while out I'd expect her to behave properly.

saladsmoothie · 19/03/2017 12:12

It's a curiously British thing to expect so little from teenagers.

flumpsnshit · 19/03/2017 12:19

Do you want to borrow my zebra dressing gown ? It's great for shopping ? Grin

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/03/2017 12:29

Oh this is so normal. Don't be gutted. It's an age old truth that teenagers are embarrassed by their parents. He's 14 and out with his mates - why would he want his mother coming up and talking to him? Of course he doesn't. I'd just laugh and say cheeky thing...and then I'd probably tease him a bit and say I'm going to come up to you and give you a big cuddle in front of all of your mates. Grin

Emmageddon · 19/03/2017 12:38

Then change into your shell suit, put on your baseball cap backwards and do a hip hop stance when you see him.

Brilliant Grin

My teens all went through an embarrassed-by-parents stage, began about 14, over and done with by 19. Now they seek us both out to spend time with us, so it's all good.

bigbuttons · 19/03/2017 12:42

I currently have 4 teens and none have ever said or done this, even if they might have been thinking it.

Beeziekn33ze · 19/03/2017 12:43

A neighbour's oldest went, from a tiny terraced house, to grammar school and university and had a very good job. One day he was in a group of executives being shown around the confectionary factory where his DM worked on the track. She ignored him and he later asked her why. She thought he'd be ashamed but in fact he was bewildered that she didn't acknowledge him.

BabychamSocialist · 19/03/2017 12:49

Yes. DS1 and DS2 are 16 now but around 13 they went through a phase of making us walk several steps behind/in front of them if we went out together. We also had to park round the corner and drop them off if they were going to a party.

It's just a normal teenager thing. They grow out of it pretty quickly.

hunibuni · 19/03/2017 12:54

DSDs tried this with DH a few times, he started telling them that if they saw him they were to do the same but not to forget that they couldn't break character if they needed/wanted money when out.

DS and his friends tend to drape themselves over us in an attempt to hassle charm us into buying them food. It's an annoying phase but they soon progress to embarassing you in the pub by reminding you not to drink too much "cos I'm not holding your hair!" Grin

BlueBlueSkies · 19/03/2017 12:57

My Ds was a bit like this, DD not at all.

Though years ago I was driving my step brother (he was 14 and I was 30) to a hospital appointment, as we were driving he suddenly dropped to the floor in the car. He had seen someone he knew, I was quite puzzled, and don't think I have ever driven him anywhere again.

Allhallowseve · 19/03/2017 12:59

I apparently said the exact same thing about that age Blush

Speakeasy22 · 19/03/2017 13:14

The comment is a bit gutting I'd imagine. My kids wouldn't have even thought that. They would have stopped for a quick chat (with their friends). IRL I keep quiet when people go on about difficult teens or it's seen as boasting. Nothing to do with me - they're just happy, confident kids. There must be more about like that surely??

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 19/03/2017 13:17

Without wanting to put any kind of a downer on a cheery thread, for those who actually do go out and deliberately embarrass their children, my mother made it her mission in life to do this when I was about 13 onwards. It didn't matter that I was being hideously and relentlessly bullied in school, and that this was perfect extra fodder, nor that she did it more and more when I asked her to stop and told her what was happening. Just weigh that up in your mind when something feels funny to you but your DC isn't laughing about it, or is even very anxious and upset.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. Just sometimes when someone is saying "please don't" they really, really, really desperately mean it and even a joke in the home about it is enough to make you break out in a cold sweat. Sad

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 19/03/2017 13:18

I do agree it was clumsily done by him though, so a gentle talking to might be the way forward, which it seems you've done, so bravo on that front.

Operation2035 · 19/03/2017 14:31

I'd gallop up to him and squash his cheeks if I were you! I'm just joking, this is normal. My mum used to say it was her job to embarrass me! Where I live, we all know each other anyway, so luckily this isn't an issue for me but he'll grow out of it soon. Much love Flowers x

Sallystyle · 19/03/2017 15:11

Nothing to do with me - they're just happy, confident kids. There must be more about like that surely??

Bring on the smugness.

Yes, all our kids are lacking in happiness and confidence and that is why they went through this very normal stage.

Sallystyle · 19/03/2017 15:17

BTW my children always have friends here. My house is the house where everyone hangs out. I am not sure why one has a problem with waving at me if we are both at the opposite bus stops. It's obviously not their friends they are worried about as they are always here. Well, except for the 13 year old, he does get embarrassed around his friends but only in public. Never at home.

I think it's more the people around them who they don't know or aren't very close to who they get embarrassed around.

MrsJayy · 19/03/2017 15:34

My Dds were like this totally normal and baffiling teenagers are weird creatures . I said to a then 15 yr old dd. Oh i saw Emma today dd said ohmygod did you speak to her I said well i said hello, ohmygodmummmmm Confused The are now grown women and dont mind being seen with me these days

CheshireEditor · 19/03/2017 17:30

You see him at home, give hi the space being a teenager needs. He's not being rude and it's not bad behaviour, it's how they feel comfortable, it's part of them being a person away from you, shaping their identity. Teens need to time and space to be, not have their Mum waving at them across the street. He still loves you and it's not personal. I have a 14yo boy, he smiles when I see him.

CheshireEditor · 19/03/2017 17:37

This is a fantastic read - for all parents of teens, written by a neuroscientist with teenagers. It explains literally everything! This is great for Mums of boys, we've never been boys, we don't get certain things! READ IT NOW!!!

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00DTKOQVM/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

CheshireEditor · 19/03/2017 17:38

Regarding the book I suggest above.

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