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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids no longer taught to clean their plates?

301 replies

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 13:50

It's March break, and I've had a couple of my kids' friends over on and off for meals. (ages 11 and 14)

I've noticed they all seem to serve themselves larger portions than they can actually eat (none of that "plating" nonsense in my house!!), so there's a lot of waste food on their plates. I'd noticed that before too, whenever we had kid guests. Lots of uneaten food on their plates. It doubly annoys me as money is tight, I'm a single mom, shopping for and carrying groceries is hard work, etc etc.

There's not much I guess I can do about it (I compost, so that's a bit better than just trashing it)- but just wanted to rant, and ask if you teach your kids to not waste food?

I was raised up to be very conscientious about wasting food and I always nag at my own kids about serving themselves as much as they can eat and eating it all up. I would have thought, in this day and age, with all the stuff about environment and waste and so on, kids would have been taught to be even more careful with wasting food. But apparently not.

OP posts:
passingthrough1 · 17/03/2017 12:46

I've always left food on my plate. It used to drive my parents crazy and even now DP thinks it's ridiculous that I'll eat 99% of my food and leave a biteful left. But honestly I eat until I'm full and never eat anymore and I think that's a great habit and the reason I have never had a weight problem like half my family. I will never ask my DS to clean his plate.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/03/2017 13:16

Sorry, @Fozzleyplum - I clearly misunderstood your earlier post.

NennyNooNoo · 17/03/2017 13:25

Felicia that was exactly the point I was making in my second sentence. Finishing a medium sized portion of a healthy balanced meal doesn't cause a national obesity crisis. Over-large portions, eating too much of highly calorific diet particularly fast food and sugar, drinking sugary drinks and leading sedentary lifestyles does.

peachgreen · 17/03/2017 13:56

Obviously clearing your plate isn't the ONLY cause of the obesity crisis but it absolutely is a recognised contributing factor. Teaching your children to listen to their bodies and eat when they're hungry, stop when they're full is absolutely essential. It makes me so angry when people force children to clear their plates or tell them off for not doing so. Because it's not that those children will grow up to be adults who eat the whole portion served to themselves, it's that they'll grow up to be adults who eat for reasons other than hunger. First it's guilt (at food wastage), then it's boredom, sadness, celebration etc etc. It creates totally the wrong relationship with food.

Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full. I'd rather my kids left food every night than developed an unhealthy relationship with it.

IamFriedSpam · 17/03/2017 14:56

Finishing a medium sized portion of a healthy balanced meal doesn't cause a national obesity crisis.

The problem with portion control comes when you can't manage the amount you eat based on hunger. Some days you need to eat more than others but it should based on how hungry you feel. Regularly forcing yourself to eat more than you're body is telling you you need disrupts the normal hunger levels and means you can't rely on your appetite to dictate portion size. There is evidence that it is best to let children decide how much they need to eat (particularly because how much they need is so variable). Just plate up a small portion and allow seconds to reduce waste. Definitely do not insist they eat a certain amount though!

Screwinthetuna · 17/03/2017 15:30

So serve child guests a portion on a plate, problem solved. Clearly not that 'nonsense' when you don't have to therefore waste food...

Original poster
user1489670695 · 17/03/2017 15:30

"Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full. I'd rather my kids left food every night than developed an unhealthy relationship with it."

I don't understand why it has to be this draconian either / or ?

Look, I've had meals in households where kids were "forced" to clear their plates, not allowed to get up otherwise, and it was horrible. I can completely appreciate that anybody brought up like will develop an unhealthy relationship with food.

I do not do that in my house, and I was not raised like that either. However what I am trying to get is to develop a healthy relationship with food, part of which involves understanding how hard it is to grow, produce, shop and prepare food, and to appreciate what is on the table. which I feel is what a lot of kids -and their parents- are missing out on, regardless of whether their meals are "plated", or whether they are not.

In our town/region, which is in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, one of the top 3 I think in the UNDP list of "best places to live" hunger, and specifically child hunger, is an acute problem.

All our libraries run "food for fines" programs, and there are food donation bins in all the supermarkets. In my workplace, which has a young clientele, there are announcements on the walls about food banks and how to access healthy, nutritious food for free/cheap.

This situation is not a result of people been told to clear their plates or not as a kid! And if we educate our children about food wastage, maybe that would be a step in the right direction?

I just googled causes of obesity crisis. None of the top five articles mention "been told to clear your plate as a kid" as main factor, ALL of them discussed unhealthy, frankly immoral, food industries and sedentary lifestyles- the first one is from BBC:
www.bbc.com/news/health-18393391

Basically, plating or not does not solve the problem- (as I mentioned upthread, I do plate occasionally if the food style warrants it) Being educated, aware and appreciative about food -and gross consumption- does.

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 17/03/2017 15:43

User I don't know what you want.

You: How can I stop kids piling their plates high and wasting food?
Everyone: plate food first.
You: don't want to.
Everyone: ok, so don't and accept the waste or try and force them to eat too much. PS, anecdotally people who find it hard to NOT clear their plates might carry this into adulthood.
You: don't believe you.

I think you're just here for a fight so I'm going to hide the thread now.

(Sorry Nenny I was quoting someone quoting you if that makes sense!).

falange · 17/03/2017 17:42

I didn't have to clear my plate but got nothing afterwards if I didn't and I did the same with my children. I have noticed though at buffet style restaurants that children seem to be allowed to fill their plates up and not eat it all then go and get more food, that makes me cross about the waste. I wouldn't have allowed that. In your situation I think because they are guests you can't say anything.

tinpanali00 · 17/03/2017 17:47

I was given plated meals and made to clear my plate. I became anorexic in my teens. And I never understood how me being fat was not wasting food or helping the starving children in Africa.
I had to train myself to stop eating when I was full, and to leave something on my plate.
I never made my kids eat anything. They're both normal weight and they haven't got any hangups about food.

gamerchick · 17/03/2017 17:56

You: How can I stop kids piling their plates high and wasting food?
Everyone: plate food first.
You: don't want to.
Everyone: ok, so don't and accept the waste or try and force them to eat too much. PS, anecdotally people who find it hard to NOT clear their plates might carry this into adulthood.
You: don't believe you

Yep it's like some weird 'my way is superior.... The end' type thing

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/03/2017 18:00

It I said good for children to learn the skill of deciding the right portion size - my mum was very controlling about portion sizes, so when I left home and didn't have her watching every spoonful I took, I did go bonkers - and big portions plus having learned I MUST clear my plate, led to me piling weight on.

I had a very unhealthy relationship with food, and still do

I think that, in @user1489670695's example, she maybe has to take a bit more control. She doesn't want to plate up, so maybe she needs to be blunt:
"Look, you tend to take more food than you can eat, and that is wasteful. P,ease take a smaller portion - you can have seconds if you are still hungry when you've finished"

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/03/2017 18:01

Grr - the first sentence shoud be 'It is good...' - bloody fat fingers. Blush

CasanovaFrankenstein · 17/03/2017 18:02

Serve it up in smaller portions.

Clearing a plate when you're not hungry is using your stomach as a bin.

GrumbleBumble · 17/03/2017 18:02

I gasp plate for my son, I try to estimate how much he will eat sometimes I serve him a bit too much and there will be a small amount of left overs, another time it will be not quite enough and he'll ask for more. Since was about 18 months old he has used the phrase "full up for pudding", i.e. he is not stuffed full but has just enough for dessert. He eats as much as he needs, waste isn't excessive and pudding isn't given greater value than main course - it's not a reward for clearing the plate it's a part of meal, the same way the veggie are. Not listening to you body is a factor in obesity.

StarlingMurderation · 17/03/2017 18:04

If you're serving them their leftovers for their next meal because they didn't eat it at the last meal, you're not fostering a healthy attitude to food, I'm afraid.

jayne1976 · 17/03/2017 18:05

Just give them a reasonable portion and say there's more if they are still hungry - which you can of course keep for later. They don't need to serve themselves

jayne1976 · 17/03/2017 18:07

Eating more than your body needs is as wasteful as leaving it

Middleoftheroad · 17/03/2017 18:09

I never cleared my plate and neither do DC just for the sake of it. Even if I have 'plated' a portion, if they are not hungry wjy force it? Sure there's wastage but better than obesity. my kids don't have big appetites (11) so rately finish meals. My friend dishes up huge portions and I hate to say it but her DC is overweight.

jmh740 · 17/03/2017 18:14

I don't think the op is in the UK so am wondering if this is a cultural differences. I don't know anyone who doesn't plate food up I'd say that was the norm.

MsDe · 17/03/2017 18:16

You're expecting way too much of teenagers and sound borderline obsessive about this.

Is food waste a problem? Yes.
Is throwing food away when people are starving cool? No.
Is it worth turning mealtimes into battles/lectures and potentially establishing unhealthy eating patterns/relationships with food? No. Really no.

Letmesleepalready · 17/03/2017 18:22

We were always told to finish our food. Fine, because the amounts were adequate for our needs.
However I then moved and ate with others who served up massive meals and I still finished the plate (because it's polite, isn't it) no surprise that I've piled on the pounds since.
Ok, part of it is willpower now, but it took me a long time to realise that "finish your food" only works if the amount is appropriate.
I also see friends pile food on their kids plate instead of giving them a small amount and seconds if necessary.

Believeitornot · 17/03/2017 18:25

Give them smaller plates. I always serve less than I think I need and usually it's enough. But it's a conscious thing - I have to remember to do it.

TheOnlyColditz · 17/03/2017 18:28

You should have plated their food for them. They may never have doen it before, why were you being such a bad host?

Wingsofdesire · 17/03/2017 18:39

If they're hungry, they take too much then can't eat it.

I'd serve them a small portion. Then if they're still hungry after that, you give them a bit more.

So small that they will deffo eat it all. Then they can have more if they need it. But to force them to finish it if too much - omg - no way.