Kids no longer taught to clean their plates?

[user1489670695]

It's March break, and I've had a couple of my kids' friends over on and off for meals. (ages 11 and 14)

I've noticed they all seem to serve themselves larger portions than they can actually eat (none of that "plating" nonsense in my house!!), so there's a lot of waste food on their plates. I'd noticed that before too, whenever we had kid guests. Lots of uneaten food on their plates. It doubly annoys me as money is tight, I'm a single mom, shopping for and carrying groceries is hard work, etc etc.

There's not much I guess I can do about it (I compost, so that's a bit better than just trashing it)- but just wanted to rant, and ask if you teach your kids to not waste food?

I was raised up to be very conscientious about wasting food and I always nag at my own kids about serving themselves as much as they can eat and eating it all up. I would have thought, in this day and age, with all the stuff about environment and waste and so on, kids would have been taught to be even more careful with wasting food. But apparently not.

*Some of the posts on this thread are making me feel quite ill and a bit anxious. Many of them completely overlook the important communication of love and nurture that is implicit in every meal we serve our children. When the focus moves to quantity and wastage we introduce an entirely unhelpful dynamic to the regular and dependable provision of food from a reliable adult.
Food and mealtimes are way more significant than a "fuel stop".

There is also an undercurrent of expecting gratitude from children that they have been fed.*

Surely there can be more than one thing going on in a meal. I cook for my children and my family and it is generally, as you say, part of the dynamic of my nurturing them and loving them.

Another part of it is my demonstrating good manners at the table and encouraging/teaching them the same

Another part is teaching/demonstrating how to eat a balanced healthy meal

Another part is how not to waste food because we are all part of a greater community and food wastage is an issue.

Another part, is how to converse at the dinner table.

I think all of the above are helpful parts of the dynamic.

And damn right I expect my children to be grateful for a meal. It is only polite to say thank you to the person who cooked your food and I certainly don't want them to grow up to be the kind of person who is served a lovely dinner by a partner, eats it, gets up and leaves without a word.

I don't know why you wouldn't plate out their food? My mum always served out the meals for everyone and I do the same. If I visit any of my family most of the food is served out ( except stuff like salad, or bread). Seems normal to me - you can then dish out a bit less then you think they'll eat, offer seconds and if there's any left it hasn't been picked and dug at so you can put it into the fridge or freezer for another meal.

Connecting kids not finishing their dinner with the need for food banks is absolutely laughable.

Household food waste is a problem, but only for your own bank account. Supermarkets throw away more food than you or I ever will. And food producers throw away even more. That's not because kids don't clear their plates. It's because a) we produce / import more food than we need and b) austerity cuts and rising prices mean that families across the UK cannot afford to eat. It's criminal. But you won't solve it by forcing your kids to clear their plates.

Teach your children to be grateful for the food they eat. Teach them to appreciate it. Every time you go shopping add something to the trolley to donate to a local food bank and explain to your children while you're doing it. Write to your MP
to protest that food banks are even necessary. But don't guilt trip a child for taking a larger portion than they need and not finishing it, and pretend that they're the reason we need food banks. Utter nonsense.

Agree that's like the eat your dinner because there are children starving in Africa that I grew up with. Suggesting they could have my leftovers never went down well. I never insisted on fnishing all on your plate for mine. Just that they had to try a bit of everything (unless something I knew they disliked) and no pudding if they didn't eat their dinner, not that there often was a pudding anyway so it was this dinner or no dinner.

I don't make my kids clear their plates. If they were consistently leaving food I'd reduce the portion size. If they don't want to eat something I generally don't worry unless they're being uber-fussy, as they're very good and varied eaters.

90%+ of the time they clear their plates.

However I do get stricter if one has gone on a snack raid before dinner and I may have "don't waste food and think of those who don't have any" because it's true, particularly so at the present moment.

Exceptionally rare for me to make such a remark though.

And I don't see anything wrong with a bit of chocolate or something after dinner. My rationale isn't that it's a reward for finishing one's plate. Rather it's "if you don't have room for your dinner, you don't have room for chocolate either".

Whenever any health professional has asked about the kids' diet they always comment on just what good and healthy eaters they are, so I do works for us.

In our house, if you put it on your plate you finish it.
But if someone else puts it on your plate (plating) , you eat what you need ( but try everything, in case you like it) but absolutely no obligation to finish it.
Trying to teach respect for our food, and ability to know what you need and when you are full.

Also if you don't eat your meal, you do not get "something else" half hour later, because your hungry.

To be taught to continue to eat when full just to clean ones plate is absolutely contributong to the obesity crisis.

Pushing kids to finish their food is a bad idea- they will end up damaging their sense of being full- which will lead to them overeating. I know- it happened to me.

contributing*

DM had to finish her plate back in the 50s. That was normal. No obesity then, probably because servings argh at "platings" were a sensible size and salt, fat and sugar consumption lower.--

It's making you feel ill and anxious?! Really?!

It's making me pissed off.

did say I would hide it, will now

There is some research that being forced to eat at an early age can lead to eating disorders later in life. We never make anyone finish their plate but we do also plate the food in the kitchen and then they can ask for more if they want. I did baby led weaning with DD2 so had to put up with lots of waste so used to it. It's not great when people in the world are starving and I try to teach my children not to ask unless they intend to eat it but with the rise of mental health issues I think it's best to give them some control.

Sounds to me like your making way to much anyway if there is that much waste. Do a bit of research on portion size ( mostpeople give WAY too much) and plate it up. It will save you money as well. If after meal they are still hungry then can have fruit/yogurt etc

I let children as young as 3 serve themselves but encourage them to put a little on and then go back for more

My niece is often served a large plateful of dinner by her DGM and she'll immediately say she's not hungry - give her an empty plate to shift some food on to it and she'll eat it all and go back for more. Never quite manages the whole lot but that's because it's practically an adult portion! DGM gives her a smaller plate but then piles it up

My mum (child in the 40's) mithers the dds about eating everything on their plate, as she did me and my sister. She always eats everything on hers even if she is 'stuffed to busting'. I remember feeling like I had let her down if we didn't eat everything, and I disliked lots of food when I was little, so it felt like I was forcing myself to eat. I still feel a bit of guilt creeping in if I have left food.

They stop when they are full, as long as they have eaten a bit of all that is on the plate, I would never encourage them to eat everything.

My mum is obese, and my sister and I have both had lifelong issues about food. I want my children to enjoy food, not see it as a chore and listen to their bodies.

I still don't see why serving your guests rather than expecting them to do it themselves is "nonsense" rather than polite and totally normal.

Telling children to clean their plates can be quite damaging with repeated force - they either begin to resent food or feel that eating a lot is positive and get used to bigger and bigger portions. Maybe portion off the right size instead of being lazy? I used to hate my friends parents making me clean my plate .. i don't like your food its gross, you've given me too much and I feel sick why on earth should I keep eating?

Also it can promote Leptin resistance.

I was raised in a family where 'clear your plate - there are children starving in Africa' was a thing and I would never do that to my kids. It definitely taught me to ignore my stomach and eat more than I needed and was the foundation for a lot of my disordered eating habits later in life.

I will encourage my kids to eat until they are full and no more, and take small portions to begin with and not be afraid to ask for seconds if they do want more. And second all the people suggesting that if they take big portions, then switch to plating up.

I was a tiny child with a tiny appetite and went to a primary school where the rule was if you didn't clear your plate, you didn't go out to play. I didn't play out in 5 years. Some people physically cannot eat big portions of food and forcing them to is not fair.

As for 'ridiculous' plating up of meals - you've made your own issue here.

"Plating up" or serving food is normal. It is polite. Why deliberately introduce serve yourself when it gives you grief? It's unusual outside closd family and it costs you money you clearly don't have. It is a bit arrogant to call the way almost the whole world serves dinner as "nonsense". Just do it, there is a reason most people do it. It is more polite and less wasteful to serve your guests.

I don't get what pp are saying either (not rtft).
You plate something up, even in small portions, and there will still be waste as inevitably someone won't like something that's on the plate and will just leave it. So it's definitely not less wasteful. Or if they are an adult, they will have to eat something they don't really like, or eat more than they would usually.
Plating up food is not the only 'normal' way of doing things. Imagine plating up for a large gathering - you'd need servants for that!
Far better, as op does, is to leave them to dish themselves up an appropriate size portion, leaving out anything they don't like. This works very well for adults - and I would much rather be 'served' this way - getting the balance of food on my plate just the way I like it rather than being at the server's whim.
Children need to be taught and clearly op's guests haven't been taught.

If they're not eating it all even when you've plated it up, then you're serving them too large portions too.

Just plate it up and give them less! Then if they want more, they can ask.

I also hate wasted food by the way. One of my DDs mates will for example pour half a bag of froxen blueberries into a bowl for herself and eat about four.

I realised and now I make sure she never helps herself. She would do the same with cornflakes etc.