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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids no longer taught to clean their plates?

301 replies

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 13:50

It's March break, and I've had a couple of my kids' friends over on and off for meals. (ages 11 and 14)

I've noticed they all seem to serve themselves larger portions than they can actually eat (none of that "plating" nonsense in my house!!), so there's a lot of waste food on their plates. I'd noticed that before too, whenever we had kid guests. Lots of uneaten food on their plates. It doubly annoys me as money is tight, I'm a single mom, shopping for and carrying groceries is hard work, etc etc.

There's not much I guess I can do about it (I compost, so that's a bit better than just trashing it)- but just wanted to rant, and ask if you teach your kids to not waste food?

I was raised up to be very conscientious about wasting food and I always nag at my own kids about serving themselves as much as they can eat and eating it all up. I would have thought, in this day and age, with all the stuff about environment and waste and so on, kids would have been taught to be even more careful with wasting food. But apparently not.

OP posts:

BipBippadotta · 17/03/2017 18:39

Clearing a plate when you're not hungry is using your stomach as a bin.

^^ this
(speaking as someone who developed a talent for vomiting all over the dinner table when I was made to clear my plate as a child. You can waste unwanted food pretty spectacularly by puking all over it.)

CdeS · 17/03/2017 19:06

I wonder if it is better in the bin or in their belly.... At 11 and 14 you might be able to say something about taking smaller portion and they can have a second helping if still hungry?

RortyCrankle · 17/03/2017 19:12

This is completely bonkers.

Of course you don 't want to see food wasted OP, no-one does but the solution has been given to you countless times on here and you're either just not understanding or I don't know what.

Problem:

isiting child puts 10 strawberries on their pate, only eats 6 - you have to throw 4 away. (Actually strawberries are tasteless this time of year)

Solution:

You plate up 5 strawberries - child says 'I'm still hungry' so you put another couple on their plate.

Result:

Child is full, no strawberries go in recycling, you have sufficient left for another meal.

It's irrelevant how old they are, lots of adults have their food plated.

Craigie · 17/03/2017 19:14

Eh, you are being totally unreasonable. Unless you are operating a buffet, why wouldn't you dish up your food. You are an adult, and you are the one who should know what a suitable portion size is for a child. Have never heard anything so bizarre. Expecting kids to clear their plates went out with the ark 🙄

User006point5 · 17/03/2017 19:22

I plate up, and children who have not been taught about waste still ask for extra helpings, and then leave all of the extra helpings, with not a thought.

I think they will turn into the people I've seen who go to eat-all-you-can buffets, pile their plates up, don't eat it all, leave the plate at their table, and go and get a clean one, and pile up more stuff.

It's nothing to do with clearing your plate. It's to do with some people not being concerned about food waste.

2rebecca · 17/03/2017 19:29

We plate up our meals. Usually I'll drag folk through to tell me how much they want and I spoon it on plates but if they're busy I'll just put on about what they usually eat and if they want more they can have more if there is more or they leave some if they don't want it. I do side salads in individual bowls as well (that's a recent affectation but I love rocket salad with goat's cheese and pine nuts)
In restaurants you get your meal "plated up" and the chef guesses how much you should have so I don't get this snob thing against plating up some people on mumsnet have. Serving yourself is for buffets I agree, or people who enjoy doing endless washing up and have lots of storage space for serving dishes or 1970s hostess trolleys.

bunnylove99 · 17/03/2017 19:31

I would plate up (even though you dislike doing so) small portions of the food and tell them there is plenty if they wish more. You can't expect visiting children to have the same moral teaching as you have given you own with regards to wasting food. Also the eye -stomach equation can be hard to work out at 11!

BitOutOfPractice · 17/03/2017 19:41

So if they serve themselves a smaller portion and eat it all the extra food will just be left in the serving dishes uneaten and wasted, not on their plates uneaten and wasted. So surely the person wasting food is the person cooking too much in the first place i.e. You op.

pollymere · 17/03/2017 19:44

My dd has been brought up to eat or take smaller portions and then have more. She stops eating when she feels full. She occasionally wastes food but we've learnt how much she's likely to eat. We've never told her to clean her plate although this happens at GParents and she ends up taking tiny portions in case she doesn't like something and ending up very hungry. We usually help with stuff she doesn't like then! If you're letting people help themselves then you need to say ' you can always come back for more!' with kids you think might waste food or 'try it first!' If an adult did that you'd be cross but go with it and I suspect guests however old probably need the same. You could try offering less to begin with, and then have extra put aside if they still want more.

PersianCatLady · 17/03/2017 19:44

If they (rarely) leave more than that, I'll keep it and re-serve
I hope you don't mean that you re-serve food that has been on someone's dinner plate and refrigerated.

Whilst it is OK to save food that has not been dished up onto a dinner plate, it is not very hygienic to save food that has been touched by hands and/or cutlery during mealtimes.

fatimashortbread · 17/03/2017 19:47

My mother forced me to clear my plate so the first thing I did when I left home was leave food I didn't want!! Mum still gave me a row for it Well into my 20s. I have not followed this course of action with my kids; I plate up a slightly smaller amount than they want and offer seconds. Keeps waste down and overcomes 'eyes bigger than their belly' behaviour

MilkRunningOutAgain · 17/03/2017 19:52

Going against the general view, when we have visitors I tend to waste more than usual. I hate not having lots for guests. I do plate up for the DC nearly every day, but I would be inclined to be more generous for guests. If I do a Sunday lunch, I let everyone serve themselves, otherwise I plate up.

gemma19846 · 17/03/2017 20:02

Serve them a plate of food you think is enough for them to eat so they dont over fill it. I dont force my kids to clear their plate, we were always told to and ive struggled with my weight all my life. I wouldnt force them to finish food if they had had enough

PersianCatLady · 17/03/2017 20:11

I plate up, and children who have not been taught about waste still ask for extra helpings, and then leave all of the extra helpings, with not a thought
I am sorry but I don't believe that this happens a lot.

Why would someone, even a child, ask for more food and then not eat any of it at all??

On the very odd occasion that this may happen, surely the answer is to only give them a very small extra amount and then if they do leave it, then it isn't wasted.

PersianCatLady · 17/03/2017 20:15

You are being totally unreasonable
Absolutely right.

Some of the posts on MN are really hard to find a solution for but this non-problem is being caused by the OP being stubborn and awkward.

Kids are taking too much food and wasting it and the simple answer is dish it up for them but no the OP doesn't want to do that.

Lisa46 · 17/03/2017 20:19

How about you serve a small portion and tell them they are welcome to have more if they like it, but you they must not waste it? I also have a dread of being forced to eat from childhood but equally I don't like waste.

User006point5 · 17/03/2017 20:23

I am sorry but I don't believe that this happens a lot.
It doesn't happen a lot, but I'm pointing out there are some people who don't teach their children about waste, and they are the ones who waste food.

Why would someone, even a child, ask for more food and then not eat any of it at all??
Because they've not been taught about wasting food.

On the very odd occasion that this may happen, surely the answer is to only give them a very small extra amount and then if they do leave it, then it isn't wasted.
This is what I do, but at their homes, they just waste so much food.

PersianCatLady · 17/03/2017 20:24

So if they serve themselves a smaller portion and eat it all the extra food will just be left in the serving dishes uneaten and wasted, not on their plates uneaten and wasted
If the food remains in the serving dishes untouched then it can be refrigerated and saved for another meal and therefore it is not wasted.

PersianCatLady · 17/03/2017 20:28

User006point5
Thanks for the explanation and I think that your comments are fair.

I over-reacted when I first read your earlier post, so sorry if my earlier reply was a bit harsh.

User006point5 · 17/03/2017 20:34

I think people are confusing the issue. In my view, it's not about "eat up everything on your plate even though you're full" - most people would disagree with that approach. It's about taking small portions, and going back for more.

Most of my DC's friends can manage it, because they've been taught, but there's a significant minority who just take more, and leave the food/drink etc, because they aren't taught it's wrong to waste food. It's nothing to do with eating disorders.

SpiritedLondon · 17/03/2017 20:36

I was raised to always clear my plate and I've always struggled to stop eating when I'm full ( as I effectively eat through those signals that tell me to stop) They also used to use the standard parent line " there are starving children in Africa etc etc. I can imagine children having a very unrealistic sense of what they can eat so I can see how they can serve themselves too much ( particularly if their parents plate up for them). I would also like to comment that if you're in the US then these children are probably used to being served enourmous amounts of food in restaurants and consider that normal.....in the U.K most restaurant portions are smaller than the US ( in the restaurants I frequent anyway). Perhaps compromise by plating up the main bit whether meat or lasagna etc and leave them to plate the salad / veggies or cook cheaper "kid filler " meals like pasta as a compromise. Would that work?

Swizzel · 17/03/2017 20:48

It's really pretty simple - if you're putting it out for them to help themselves, and there's an excess of food, then you have to realise that you're making a rod for your own back.

If you insist on putitng it out in serving dishes instead of plating up for them, then don't cook as much! If they're wasting it, then yes composting it is better than throwing it in the bin, but it would be lighter on your purse, and less frustrating, if you simply cooked less food so they can't waste so much of it.

Lovelymess · 17/03/2017 20:48

Just plate them up yourselves - if they clear their plates they can have more? That's what we do at home and if the kids have friends over

tasteslikechicken · 17/03/2017 20:48

Some of the posts on this thread are making me feel quite ill and a bit anxious. Many of them completely overlook the important communication of love and nurture that is implicit in every meal we serve our children. When the focus moves to quantity and wastage we introduce an entirely unhelpful dynamic to the regular and dependable provision of food from a reliable adult.
Food and mealtimes are way more significant than a "fuel stop".

There is also an undercurrent of expecting gratitude from children that they have been fed.

The act of loving, reliable provision is more important than the consumption.

User006point5 · 17/03/2017 20:58

There is also an undercurrent of expecting gratitude from children that they have been fed.
It's not an undercurrent in our house! It's very much on the surface. Whoever got the meal - me, DH, or (occasionally) my teenagers - the recipients are always grateful.

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