OP, I hope my posts aren't making you cry! I'd much rather they made you laugh, though I have a serious point behind them. I have a slightly acerbic sense of humour that runs away with me sometimes. It's very easy for me to sit here at my keyboard being glib about an internet stranger's marriage but I'd never want to cause distress. I hope my posts are entertaining but also thought provoking in their way.
I just can't help but feel strongly about this because even though it's 2017, you just see this so much. Talented, intelligent, compassionate women having their identities and desires swamped and assimilated by a man's. It does you huge credit that you're appreciative of your financial situation, but just because your husband earns a lot doesn't mean he's bought you. Your contribution is just as valuable as his...more so, really, because he can't earn a huge amount without you doing the childcare and home life, whereas you could do everything you do even if he was unemployed. The money isn't solely his accomplishment, because he couldn't earn it without you. And apparently you can all do without him for three months but he can't do without you for 37 hours a week.
You're a qualified psychologist (or was it psychiatrist? I can't remember, sorry, but either way, it's an impressive professional accomplishment) and you're in a position to do some real good in the world with young people who would benefit from your skills. It's just galling that he can do anything from rugby to sodding polar expeditions and you're supposed to suck it up, but you can't even go back to work unless you can prove to him that The Family won't suffer.
I'm glad to hear of the nice things he does for you, but they really are the minimum one would expect. You're SUPPOSED to spend time with your children and give the main carer a break. You're SUPPOSED to be nice to your spouse. You're SUPPOSED to take sick relatives to hospital. And the fact he doesn't interfere with schools etc doesn't tell me he's empowering you, it tells me he thinks family life is your job.
The real question, which we haven't had answered yet is, would he make an actual sacrifice for something you wanted, the way you keep doing for him? I don't mean would he drive your kids somewhere if you were ill and unable to do it. I mean, if you had the opportunity to go visit a friend in Florida for two weeks, would he put in the groundwork at home to make that possible? If you wanted to pursue a hobby that meant he had to do rugby on alternate weeks so you could take it in turns to be out that evening, would he?
I don't think anyone is saying he's a bad person, but he DOES sound very self obsessed and as though he thinks his family are there to facilitate his self image. I'm sure he'd be horrified to hear it put in such blunt terms, but all his expectations of tea and home life and rugby friends and three month polar expeditions aren't the actions of a man who sees his wife and kids as full, rounded individuals with their own identities, needs and wants that aren't defined by his.