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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is my job, not dh's mates.

293 replies

CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:28

Dh has been faffing about what he wants to do for his birthday on Saturday for weeks. Yesterday he finally decided he just wanted to go down the local.

He's a bit disappointed because half the pub had already made plans to go to a boxing match, so once he was asleep I sent out a fb invite to loads of our friends saying I knew it was short notice but if they could make it that's where we'd be.

Then I got the following messages from dh's best mate. Who is a twat

Hi ya
As far as Saturday goes we're on the same page
I thought also that xxx would want people to pop in n see him for his birthday so I did the same
Assuming you would be by his side and so he didn't find out I didn't tell you
Hope that's not too imposing ? But just wanted you guys to turn up and people be out for him
Iv sorted a little cake balloons banners but also put a little gentle twist on his decor too
Really hope you don't mind and glad we're both on the same page or wave length x

Is it me or is that overstepping the boundaries a bit?

OP posts:
MsJuniper · 16/03/2017 07:37

I think the way he's phrased the message sounds like he has realised you might be annoyed and is trying to make the peace. I'd go with it.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 07:38

What a nice guy and the way he's told you was very sensitive. Not quite sure what you're problem is.

notanothernamechangebabes · 16/03/2017 07:39

I remember when I organised DPs surprise 50th (at our local) and sent out text messages so no paper trail for DP to find, I got a text back from one of his mates saying "thanks so much for organising this - really glad T's big 50 getting the recognition it deserves"

I was a bit Hmm... "thanks for organising this"... like I was saving him a job?!

Boys and their bromances eh....

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:39

I have no issue with The fact he's done it, just find it a bit odd that he didn't mention it to me.

Feel a bit of a dick now I've sent another invite out to the same people. Why would you not just mention it to the spouse? I'd be pretty confused if I got two in the same situation and wonder why the wife didn't know, wouldn't you?

In fairness there is a bit of form for this so I am probably overthinking it.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 16/03/2017 07:41

Sounds like he thinks you wouldn't be great at keeping the secret so the plan was to mention it to you fairly last minute (whilst also discouraging his mate from announcing he wanted to do anything fancy?).

How annoying that is depends on how good a secret keeper you are I guess.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 16/03/2017 07:43

I think he sounds like a really caring and considerate mate! I couldn't get up upset about someone wanting to do something kind for DP.

flutterbean · 16/03/2017 07:43

I think it's a lovely thing for him to organise. But I don't understand why he didn't let you know he was doing it (unless you're rubbish at keeping things from your DH).

You might have organised a trip or day out as a surprise, then he'd have looked a right wally for not running it by you first to check if you were both available!

RhiWrites · 16/03/2017 07:43

OP I think his message indicates that he now thinks the same as you. People have had your message and now he looks like an idiot for not telling you.

I think your attitude should be, how brilliant, thanks, another time do text me though just because we could have ended up with two cakes!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/03/2017 07:45

Aww that's lovely. I'd be relieved it was sorted and that people were coming.

TBH you left it a bit late to organise something so I'd just be feeling grateful right now.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:45

I am an excellent secret keeper - my job involves confidentiality.

I'd have been more than happy for him to do it, just seems odd not to mention it to me.

Dh definitely only decided yesterday - I've been asking for days as dsis has her birthday the same day, and if he'd decided he wanted to go to the boxing I would have gone to her.

Friend is bloody lucky - I almost booked a night in a hotel last night instead of the fb invitation. wish I had now

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:47

His invites only went out and hour and a half before mine - I didn't leave it late, dh did!

OP posts:
yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 16/03/2017 07:51

It's you.

If you've work with lots of men you'd realise this was fairly common disorganised, last minute, no communication, etc. etc.

HappyFlappy · 16/03/2017 07:54

I'd be thinking "Thank Christ! I don't need to do any running around.'

(But make it clear that next year you want to do it.)

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:54

I can't see the guest list for his, but I've just checked on a group chat, and none of my friends have been invited, except by me. So just a boys night out then presumably.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 16/03/2017 07:57

I think its strange to organise balloons/banner/cake without contacting you to check.

How disorganised/last minute would you need to be for it not to occur to you that somebody's spouse might already have bought a cake?

OnionKnight · 16/03/2017 08:00

He sounds nice, okay he should have told you but it's hardly the end of the world.

merrymouse · 16/03/2017 08:03

"so he didn't find out I didn't tell you"

Also sounds like he is covering his tracks a bit.

Surely he would have to tell you to be sure that you weren't doing something else?

I agree that the most likely explanation is that he is well meaning but didn't think things through, but I'm not surprised that you feel put out.

WateryTart · 16/03/2017 08:07

I can't help but wonder what the friend would have done if your DH had decided he wanted to go out for a meal or to see a film.

Mysterycat23 · 16/03/2017 08:07

Really weird to organise a birthday do for someone without contacting their spouse. Like really really weird.

Sunnysky2016 · 16/03/2017 08:08

I think it was a nice thing to do although I can understand how you feel.

Butterymuffin · 16/03/2017 08:10

Is this a special birthday then? And it does sound to me like best friend wanted to be seen to be doing more than you. Will the cake have a photo of 'the lads' on it, I wonder?

Razz1eDazz1e · 16/03/2017 08:10

I think it depends on how regularly you are in this pub. If your DH is literally part of the furniture in there, then the other "regulars" inc this friend would have naturally presumed he'd be coming in on his birthday. Maybe your DH had told them.

Otherwise, I do think it's s bit weird to keep you out of the loop. Supposing you had planned to go out for dinner or away for the weekend. In this respect, I would be a bit Hmm He could have at least contacted you to say make sure you drop by the pub!

MyKingdomForBrie · 16/03/2017 08:11

I don't think it's weird and I do think it's nice. Not inviting your mates would be I assume because he's invited the birthday boy's mates?!

picklemepopcorn · 16/03/2017 08:11

He was assuming you weren't going. Blokes' night out. Might be worth checking what DH said to him. (I'll ditch the wife and come down here for a drink with you, lads!).

How's it working with half of them being elsewhere for the boxing? Is the invite to rally everyone who is not?

picklemepopcorn · 16/03/2017 08:12

Bet he's had to cancel the strippergram...

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