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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is my job, not dh's mates.

293 replies

CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 07:28

Dh has been faffing about what he wants to do for his birthday on Saturday for weeks. Yesterday he finally decided he just wanted to go down the local.

He's a bit disappointed because half the pub had already made plans to go to a boxing match, so once he was asleep I sent out a fb invite to loads of our friends saying I knew it was short notice but if they could make it that's where we'd be.

Then I got the following messages from dh's best mate. Who is a twat

Hi ya
As far as Saturday goes we're on the same page
I thought also that xxx would want people to pop in n see him for his birthday so I did the same
Assuming you would be by his side and so he didn't find out I didn't tell you
Hope that's not too imposing ? But just wanted you guys to turn up and people be out for him
Iv sorted a little cake balloons banners but also put a little gentle twist on his decor too
Really hope you don't mind and glad we're both on the same page or wave length x

Is it me or is that overstepping the boundaries a bit?

OP posts:
RhodaBorrocks · 16/03/2017 12:15

Nice mate, but he should have told you!

Ifitquackslikeaduck · 16/03/2017 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherylBlossom · 16/03/2017 13:05

My husband has a friend just like this. Right from your first post I didn't like the sound of this guy. That text could have come straight from the guy we know and he is certainly not 'nice' or a good friend. He is manipulative and a total overbearing nightmare. Of course he hadn't already bought a bloody cake!

Tbh I think you're doing well to be so chilled about it.

CherylBlossom · 16/03/2017 13:06

Oh yes, it's all in the language isn't it. 'I'm happy for you to sort the cake' as if he's doing you a favour letting you be involved. I love baking so no one else would be making my husband a cake (except maybe his mother!). Certainly not some random from the pub.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 14:12

I've told him I will sort a cake for at home with dd and he can get one for the pub.

Dh sees no wrong in anyone unfortunately.

OP posts:
Funnyonion17 · 16/03/2017 14:31

He will be panicking now. As what he first had planned sounds very much a lads night that didn't include you or other i.portant people. Now i presume he has to back up his manipulative idea, things are looking more pricey with a buffet and cake etc. He sounds immature tbh. I mean what sort of grown man plans a biryhday bash and doesn't include important people, it's just an excuse to have a lads night.

My DH's best man did similar for his stag. Made it all about him, zero effort really yet he insisted on doing it. He kicked off that my DH wouldn't go in the lap sanding bar then had a paddy when DH wanted to leave about 2am, asif he he ruined his night. Infact my best friend did that on my hen too. Some friends can be so immature and have hidden agendas.

Funnyonion17 · 16/03/2017 14:32

Lap dancing, god damn typos!

Starlighter · 16/03/2017 14:36

Aw, I think it's sweet! He should've kept you in the loop though, as you might've arranged to do something else.

2rebecca · 16/03/2017 14:38

If you were just a girlfriend he didn't live with the friend's behaviour would be understandable. For a married couple living together the friend's behaviour sounds bizarre.
What if you'd done a surprise restaurant dinner for him so he never went near the pub? I would be annoyed at being excluded from my husband's birthday plans. Are you just recently married that the friend doesn't really think of you as a couple?

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 15:12

If you havent been a wife in a man crush situation then you wont know how creepy it can be.

DH's friend hates me, really resents me for being the primary person in DH's life when friend thinks it should be him. As I said above, he would pull a stunt like this if he could and make it all about them and exclude me as far as possible. It really is stalkerish and fucking weird.

What it isnt is lovely, kind, nice, sweet or any of the other things it has been described as on here. He once got pouty, properly physically bottom lip sticking out sulky because DH wanted to take me out for my birthday instead of going out with friend and he made some pointed comments about him "having" to run around after me. Its nothing personal I dont think, he would hate any significant other in DH's life and refused to come said he couldnt make an evening out DH had arranged with his other friends, again out of jealousy I think.

Oh and funnily enough, he is as bent as a nine bob note too, but DH wont see it despite him actually having been to prison for his activities.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 15:13

We were married before he met the guy.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 16/03/2017 15:57

I dunno. I'm not disputing that he's an odd one and has been overbearing.

But, if DH phoned him and said 'me and CTK don't have other plans, were just going to come down the pub for my bday' I can see how he might think oh cool, CTK is keeping it chill, well maybe I'll make sure some people are there (his friends). So not organising something in your place IYSWIM. More that he got the impression you weren't planning to organise anything so he invited a few people.

It's weird he didn't invite the women in your friendship group, but he does sound like a twat so could just be him being a prick as usual.

I think it's right to be chill about it since it isn't a milestone birthday and it is just a gathering at the local. How much of an issue can a mix up really be. It's not like you've both got tickets to take him to Paris Wink

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 16:23

We were married before the friend came along to.

CherylBlossom · 16/03/2017 18:19

If you havent been a wife in a man crush situation then you wont know how creepy it can be.

DH's friend hates me, really resents me for being the primary person in DH's life when friend thinks it should be him. As I said above, he would pull a stunt like this if he could and make it all about them and exclude me as far as possible. It really is stalkerish and fucking weird.

What it isnt is lovely, kind, nice, sweet or any of the other things it has been described as on here.

^ 100% this.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 16/03/2017 19:49

Bumped into the female friend that sent the text at swimming tonight. Until recently she worked behind the bar in the pub, and has had both invites.

She doesn't know half the people he's invited either! Confused

OP posts:
BowiesJumper · 17/03/2017 14:44

You must report back on whether your husband actually knows them either!

ohfourfoxache · 17/03/2017 15:14

What the fuck is he playing at?

MipMipMip · 17/03/2017 15:37

Please Please let us know what happened! I'll be on here first thing Sunday morning. ...

jayne1976 · 17/03/2017 17:51

Just a bit weird not to have involves you - discussed plans / divided up who was getting what etc - more of a joint effort! I would feel strange on the eve as well if everyone was made aware you had no involvement in planning your own husbands birthday party.

Sparklyglitter · 17/03/2017 17:53

Er no! Sorry that's really very sweet, but I'd be expecting to at least have a heads up and to check that I hadn't organised something! What if you were organising a surprise dinner then you may not have turned up at the pub anyway! Very odd not to say this is what I want to do is that ok???

Madwoman5 · 17/03/2017 18:09

Whatever.....dh will get a good birthday either way. That's what is important isn't it?

Noctilucent · 17/03/2017 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 17/03/2017 18:24

Hey! Is someone impugning your credentials, CTK??? Outrageous. I remember your two threads (can't remember if I posted though) and many others comments from you; you've been here forever!

I think you should book a restaurant for 7pm, and have a long leisurely supper, which will take about an hour and a half. Be fashionably late for your 8pm invite.

Mumtomadhouse · 17/03/2017 18:40

It could be worse it's also my birthday on Saturday and dp is working and then apparently going to a car show on the night whilst I'm at home looking after our 4 kids aged 12,8,5,2 the 8 year old has mental health special needs! On my own!.

1horatio · 17/03/2017 18:41

Is there a negative backstory?

Because generally speakign I'd agree with this:
If I'm 100% honest I'd be a tiny bit peeved that his mate hadn't mentioned it to me first but I do think it's a nice thing to do

Seems like he has a lovely and considerate friends. I mean, isn't it a wonderful friend your DH has a friend like that?

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