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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Childminders comment

189 replies

StudentMum92 · 15/03/2017 14:01

Name changed just incase.

I've been to pick DD up from her Childminder. DD is 7 months old and is going from crawling to sofa surfing. CM told me that DD had fallen back and bumped her head. But what threw was that she said she was there behind her and she let her fall. She's got to learn not to do it again.

I was quite abrupt and said that sofa surfing is a normal developmental stage and said that if you're there next time, pull her down don't just let her fall.

Yes I know babies fall, it's natural but to deliberately let a 7 month old fall back and bump her head doesn't sit right with me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 17/03/2017 10:43

Don't let him/her teach children about fire with their one trial learning technique!

You read my mind Mad!

I envisaged her sticking the child's hand onto a hotplate, giving her a screwdriver and encouraging her to stick in a socket, holding her head under water in the fishbowl etc.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 17/03/2017 10:43

Unacceptable!

user1483699375 · 17/03/2017 11:12

Listen to what everyone is saying - its instinctive to stop a child hurting themselves and I find it worrying that someone could have intentionally let this happen - there is no way I would return a child to this person.

Deidre21 · 17/03/2017 14:04

Get rid of this so called "child minder" What does she think she's training, a pet? Babies and children learn what to do from careful, caring guidance. Don't know why some people think that everything they learn must be learnt the hard way i.e getting hurt will teach her/him not do it again or to be careful. For goodness sake your BABY is only 7months old! Also she's there to care for a baby while you're not around during that time. Find someone else who shares the same type of parenting as you do.

NewPuppyMum · 17/03/2017 15:46

What were her tears about?

hokusai3 · 17/03/2017 16:05

I knew a Mum who said that she didn't believe in stairgates because she thought children should learn and I thought what??!! At six months!!?? And what if they fall and break their necks? Then it's too late to learn anything! I agree with comments from others.

Jotyanne · 17/03/2017 18:35

I am a childminder - this is totally unacceptable and needs reporting to Ofsted!

Looneytune253 · 17/03/2017 18:52

@hokusai a lot of people believe this. Children should learn to climb the stairs independently which is safer than not letting them. Even Ofsted will approve you without them (i don't have them)

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 17/03/2017 19:16

She's only sad she's been caught

MotherHen1 · 17/03/2017 22:14

I assume she is a registered child minder
Report this to the Safeguarding Children lead in your local council.
This lady should not be looking after children at present. Perhaps after some additional training she would understand her role better and be safe to look after children, but she isn't now.
.

Allaboutcalm · 18/03/2017 12:01

@gammaraustar I'm sorry but that is a horrible sweeping generalisation about CM's and very insulting to the hundreds of very professional caring CM's out there. I am one myself and look after 11 little people. Their safety is of paramount importance to me and these things can happens in Day Nurseries too. This is an awful thing that has happened to the OP but to say that we have 'free reign to treat children badly' is deeply offensive. OP I would look for another CM immediately, perhaps friends use one that could personally recommend. Hope your DD is ok.

Debandherkids · 19/03/2017 01:46

She is being cruel with your child and you, you don't know what's next. If that was her normal approach she should have told you before taking the job as I'm sure it would raise the ire of many parents and get the same worry. It's assumed that a person would intervene if they had a chance, any person, especially a child minder.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/03/2017 06:01

Hope you find another childcare setting easily.

Well done for reacting so quickly, it's so hard to find childcare that works for you. And to pull your little one out of childcare with no notice must be causing all sorts of problems.

MarleneMcKinnon · 19/03/2017 12:16

Just checked this with my housemate who is a Social Worker at Children's Services because I knew this was a safeguarding. He said to get your daughter medically checked asap just to make sure she's ok. Then contact your local council's Children's Social Services Dept to report your childminder because if you just remove your daughter from her care, she could do the same to another child. They might not be so lucky. Social Services will probably sign post you to Ofsted who register childminders and/or any other organisation who should be involved. NB, You won't be in any trouble, just your childminder.*

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, not just because the childminder deliberately let your daughter bang her head when she could have saved her. That is never acceptable. But also because her logic is seriously flawed. I'm playing devil's advocate here, but if the theory claimed that injury is required to learn some kind of lesson, what would the 'lesson' be here? That standing up is bad?

I saw an episode recently of Monkey World and they use this 'hurt themselves for their own good' lesson. The perimeter fence gives a mild electrical shock, which stops to stop the primates from escaping. It's not a behaviour they want to encourage because it's potentially dangerous for them and others for them to be wandering around Dorset on their own. So while they don't like doing it, it's in the best interests of the animals they love because the fence is the lesser of the two evils. Sofa surfing is a normal developmental stage in learning to walk, which is something that should be encouraged, not discouraged. The only evil here is the registered childminder who stood by and let a baby sustain a head injury. It may only be minor, but that's luck and certainly not down to your childminder displaying anything like good judgement.

The last thing you want is your daughter learning that standing on her own two feet results in pain. If she was doing something she shouldn't and the childminder let her fall so she didn't do it again, that would be more logical. Still totally wrong of course, but at least it would make sense. But if anything she should be encouraging and rewarding your daughter for pulling herself up on the sofa, not punishing her by deliberately refusing to prevent a head injury.

I personally would pull your daughter out of the childminder's care with immediate effect. If she says you're in breach of contract, point out that your contract means she is in loco parentis for your daughter and she failed to protect her from danger as her parent(s) would. She is the one in breach of contract, not to mention moral and ethically unsound and seriously lacking in empathy. I hope she gets struck off because she's a danger to children.

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