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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Childminders comment

189 replies

StudentMum92 · 15/03/2017 14:01

Name changed just incase.

I've been to pick DD up from her Childminder. DD is 7 months old and is going from crawling to sofa surfing. CM told me that DD had fallen back and bumped her head. But what threw was that she said she was there behind her and she let her fall. She's got to learn not to do it again.

I was quite abrupt and said that sofa surfing is a normal developmental stage and said that if you're there next time, pull her down don't just let her fall.

Yes I know babies fall, it's natural but to deliberately let a 7 month old fall back and bump her head doesn't sit right with me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Julia001 · 16/03/2017 18:59

She has put your DD into a dangerous position, how can you ever trust her again? If you are able to, take her out straight away, you may well have a contract, but this woman is a dangerous person and this possibly negates the contract, also, report her to the Education authority who whoever is the controlling authority, she needs her licence taking off her, apologies if this is a repeat, I haven't read all 6 pages yet.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/03/2017 19:29

She's got to learn not to do it again

What exactly does she want your daughter to learn? Not to try and stand up holding onto furniture? Not to sofa surf ever again? Not to try to walk? Confused

It makes no sense anyway.

frozenfairy123 · 16/03/2017 19:34

Look for a new cm and report her to ofsted.
I'm sure she would be in trouble for that!
Awful xx

Caroline63 · 16/03/2017 19:35

I'm a childminder and I would have been mortified if I'd let that happen. I know wee ones have falls and accidents but you do your best to prevent them not allow them to happen

user789653241 · 16/03/2017 19:46

What!!! CM is crazy. How can 7 months old learn from a fall? I would def. sacking her!

user789653241 · 16/03/2017 19:48

Can you report her? If you can, I would. hat if the baby broke her neck?

dopeydonkeyuk · 16/03/2017 19:50

I got the same response in a nursery actually. At 9 months, similar issue, cruising round but just letting go & hitting her head. Also got the 'she needs to learn' response.

I pulled her out due to that & a few other issues & dangerous errors. Also reported them to OFSTED.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 19:52

I can't even begin to fathom what your childminder was thinking. To let a seven month old fall. It's sick and it's not natural. You do indeed need to never ever take her there ever again. Oh and don't pay her any notice money, tell her to go fuck herself she deliberately endangered your child and to sue you.

As for the styrgil or whatever the posters name was, I don't think you need to dignify that crap with a response.

WanderingTrolley1 · 16/03/2017 19:54

That's awful.

I wouldn't be happy leaving my daughter another day! That's me, though...

user789653241 · 16/03/2017 20:00

I think that kind of attitude doesn't even make sense even the child was 3 or 5 or 8.
Would you let a child cross the busy road so that they learn a lesson?

maybeitssomethingelse · 16/03/2017 20:00

I can understand letting the baby bump onto its bottom, but definitely not injure itself, especially the head. Why did she sit beside the child if not to avoid a bad accident?

bbismad · 16/03/2017 20:17

Isn't letting a child in your care injure themselves against the law?? It's neglectful, verging on abuse. What if the child had broken its neck or got a serious head injury. If be furious and taking further action. I def would not leave said child with her again.

lukeymom · 16/03/2017 20:18

I don't agree with it either. She should be watching her and not let her fall that's what you pay her for.Having said that,there are people/parents around who think nothing of their little ones falling over. I always kept an eye on my babies when they were toddlers,I admit I couldn't watch every second.My baby once fell off the sofa.One time he fell flat on his face,he was one then.I would naturally be concerned and hoping they'd be ok.
Yet there's people like my brother who wasn't at all bothered when his daughter fell over. She one fell off a chair onto the hard floor as well as banging he head on the side of a wooden bed.She had marks and a cut on her face and she went to nursery like it.He just explained what happened. Any other time she fell over he would say she just has to learn ,it will make her tough and not a weak child. I totally disagreed but was tired of arguing about it. His daughter is 6 now and I noticed how she grew up being emotionless.If she fell over she would not cry.That it how she was taught to be. Is it a good thing.Not necessarily.

bangalanguk · 16/03/2017 20:22

This goes against every single safeguarding instinct. Is she registered? She needs reporting to OFSTED.

Sharles · 16/03/2017 20:29

I'm quite shocked she took it upon herself to teach a 7 month old a lesson. It's up to you but I would find a new childminder, as DD could've knocked her head very hard and it could've turned out quite differently and I'm sure she would've pretended that it was an accident. I would never be able to trust her after this . I hope DD Is ok.

TommyJoesMummy · 16/03/2017 20:31

It's your 7-month old's soft head! She's irresponsible and dangerous. I'd get rid, report her and let everybody know why. She should have cracked her head open-depending what she landed on.
As for helicopter parenting... This is the time to encourage whilst hovering.
Your CM sounds oddly proud, as though she's telling you she knows best

doryella · 16/03/2017 21:10

Hi just so i am on the right page... the cm asked u to pick ur dd up as she bumped her head when she could of stopped her falling.... Angry am a ex 8yrs nursery nurse mother of 1 and now a cm for 2 yr and in what ever way you look at this its not right i wouldnt send her back there... i do hope ur little one is ok and can i ask was there a accident form filled and any cold compress given to ur child was she marked...

Katie0705 · 16/03/2017 21:10

Injuries do occur to babies when falling onto carpeted floors, e.g. fractured collar bones are common; as a paediatric nurse I have seen many such injuries over the years. Babies can be resillient, but we can't take that for granted. I can't agree with the comment about CM being 'overzealous' by telling you what happened, they have a duty of care and a legal obligation to report anything untoward to you. I agree with everyone who has stated their safe guarding concerns, because they are right. I would also urge you to contact the local authority and discuss your concerns. I could never trust a CM like this.

Daydream007 · 16/03/2017 21:23

YANBU. She is bang out of order

CountessWindyBottom · 16/03/2017 21:37

It's pure instinct to protect and cushion a tot's tumble so either a. She's a feckless bitch who doesn't care a jot about your child or b. She wasn't actually watching her properly at all, heard her cries and decided to tell you she witnessed it when in actual fact she didn't.

Either way she needs to be fired forthwith.

gammaraystar · 16/03/2017 22:15

The OP's story and the other's on this thread is why I would NEVER use a cm. How well can you really know them? There is no other adult around. They have free reign to treat your children badly and noone around to check on them. At least in a nursery there are safe guarding checks and other staff around to whistle blow. You are leaving a baby with a total stranger with no way of knowing what happens every day. I find it so shocking people are willing to leave their tiny babies in such situations. I have heard cms talking about the kids in their care and it is normally just horrendous. Makes me shudder.

SherbrookeFosterer · 16/03/2017 23:13

Take her out for lunch and interview her and trust your subsequent instincts.

Children must obviously be taught to manage risk, never just run away.

But only within safe hands.

I hope this note is useful.

SherbrookeFosterer · 16/03/2017 23:14

*among (typo).

queenie53 · 16/03/2017 23:25

I wouldn't want to leave my child with anyone who had that way of thinking. I was a childminder for many years until I retired and was mortified if the kids ever got a bump or scratch whilst in my care but to deliberately not catch a child especially a baby, well that's horrifying! Imagine the poor little child crying and the CM thinking, well you won't do that again. As a childminder I always felt I was honoured that people would entrust me to look after the most precious thing in their life - their child. You can report your concerns to Ofsted and the CM should have an accident/incident book to report any bumps or falls.

luckylorca · 17/03/2017 00:20

REPORT HER! Report her! Report her!

I still sometimes think about how cruel my child-minder was - and I'm nearly 50! She was cold and unfeeling in many ways and e.g. made it clear that we were very inferior to her own children. (They sat at the table and had chicken sandwiches for tea. We were made to sit on the floor and eat jam ones!).

But I'm reminded of the cruelest thing she did every time I look in the mirror:.. I was only 5 and too tiny to reach the old-fashioned, Victorian, dangling kind of loo handle to flush the loo. That cow insisted several times that I flush it myself, even though I clearly couldn't reach, so I ended up having to climb up and then stand on the actual toilet seat and jump up and down several times to try to grab the handle. The result, of course, is that I fell off the toilet and cut my lip so badly that I'm permanently scarred and it looks like I have had a hair-lip operation that wasn't really successful. It's the thing I hate most about my face.

What I'm trying to say is - the falling incident could be the tip of the iceberg, so, please, please, please: get your child out quick, before she is also possibly emotionally and physically scarred for life.