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Original poster

Husbands ex has stolen baby name

168 replies

Deedee3311 · 14/03/2017 19:10

his ex who he already has a son with who has just had a baby has actually stolen the name we were going to use. We are on amicable terms and she knew what name we had chosen, now she has robbed it. We call the baby by this name and it is THE name we want, but his son can't have two sisters called the same thing can he?! Livid.

OP posts:
ButtercupChain · 14/03/2017 22:07

Is "you can't steal a name" the new "cancel the cheque?"

I don't get that Blush

'If the name is something like Isabelle or Evie I'm guessing the chances are they were going to call her that anyway as they're really popular names. '

Are they? I don't think I know anyone at all with those names! Confused

Although I do agree Nerrsnerr, that I would never ever discuss what I was going to call my baby; least of all with my ex Husband's new woman!!!

You can still use it, honestly. My name is one of those popular 80s ones like Emma where every third girl born between 1978 and 1992 was called it

Hmmm true, there's no reason why you can't have the same name in an extended family half a dozen times. That said, it's odd if it's a (half) sibling. Not against the law though!

Strygil · 14/03/2017 22:12

I bet she is telling all her friends that you have stolen the name....seriously, grow up.

skerrywind · 14/03/2017 22:12

I suspect your OH has something to do with this.

I would guess this is a name he ( and his ex) both liked, and they had discussed using it at some point.
He still likes the name for a child of his, even though he is now with you.
And his ex still likes it even though she is no longer with him.

Don't take it personally- it's something that your OH has shared with both you and her- the liking of a name.

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 14/03/2017 22:13

No newyork cousins are not sister, neither are the two babies in question, they are not related to each other at all*

They are both sisters to the one poor little shite in the middle, who apparently is important to nobody in this scenario. They are both HIS sisters.

MMM3 · 14/03/2017 22:14

You could always use a slightly different version and fuss over how the version she "stole" is a bit passe.

Newmanwannabe · 14/03/2017 22:18

This happened to my friend and she is devastated by it. She and horrible ex picked a name- was her name choice. He liked it too; he then left her whilst pregnant. She used the name as a middle name as too upset to use it as a first name. Four years later he has a baby with the woman he left her for and they called the new baby "the name". It's not a particularly popular Name. Awful behaviour. Awful man.

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 22:27

it's something like Ava

You can't use Ava - that's the name I've picked for my next cocker spaniel puppy (if it's a lemon and white bitch).

If you use Ava there will be hell to pay! Grin

Seriously, though OP - if you still love the name, and your baby suits it - use it!

This other woman obviously thinks she\s stone a march on you (I'm sure she liked the name, but even so knew it would put your nose out of joint).

If you use it, you're telling her that she can get stuffed as you will not let her dictate your actions. She will be as much, or more, pee'd than you are, as she will think that she has stopped you using your chosen name.

I would be stotting! She's nasty.

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 22:27

*stolen a march, not stone

ChippieBeanAndHorro · 14/03/2017 22:29

If you use it, you're telling her that she can get stuffed as you will not let her dictate your actions. She will be as much, or more, pee'd than you are, as she will think that she has stopped you using your chosen name.

Yup, this OP. 100%

skerrywind · 14/03/2017 22:40

*If you use it, you're telling her that she can get stuffed as you will not let her dictate your actions. She will be as much, or more, pee'd than you are, as she will think that she has stopped you using your chosen name.
*

But she may feel "ownership " of the name as you do.

Maybe a name that she liked while she was still with her ex. And they both liked it, and he has brought the fondness of the name into a relationship with you OP.
She may be feeling peeved that a name she has like for ages has been "stolen " by you,

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 22:46

Skerry could be right - but if I were you I wouldn't give a rat's behind!

I'd use it,

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 22:47

(Not the rat's behind - I wouldn't use that. That was supposed to be a full stop, not a comma.)

lorelairoryemily · 15/03/2017 05:38

"They are both sisters to the one poor little shite in the middle"-Newyork

What a fucking horrible way to refer to a child.

NightWanderer · 15/03/2017 05:47

Just use the name anyway. Kids don't care, they'll have umpteen classmates with the same name and it won't bother them at all. The parents will be annoyed but that will serve them right anyway.

doublesnap · 15/03/2017 05:52

We made a up ridiculously pretentious name when I was pregnant and told people that, nobody used though as it was so awful. It was hilarious seeing all the cats bum faces when we told people the name that we had 'chosen'

NotYoda · 15/03/2017 06:18

I agree with skerry

I wouldn't use it myself. There are loads of nice names out there

PollytheDolly · 15/03/2017 06:25

I'd pick something completely different.

She will be reeling wondering if you went for something better and her chosen name is now "old hat". Like her.

Chloe84 · 15/03/2017 06:48

I would guess this is a name he ( and his ex) both liked, and they had discussed using it at some point.
He still likes the name for a child of his, even though he is now with you.
And his ex still likes it even though she is no longer with him.

Don't take it personally- it's something that your OH has shared with both you and her- the liking of a name.

Skerry , why are you you talking like you know this for a fact?

I think if OW or ex had been thinking of that name, OW would have told OP so when OP first told her the name.

jelly10 · 15/03/2017 06:53

I can understand that right now this seems infuriating, but I don't think it needs to be a huge issue. Your baby will become their own person and their name will be part of them and it won't matter that someone else has the same name. And I'm sure your DH's son will cope with having siblings with the same name.

As others have said, maybe they had already chosen that name, maybe it's a family name for her or her new partner, who knows. For DH's son's sake, try not to assume the intentions were negative or malicious, give your baby the name you want her to have, and carry on with the amicable relationship you have. This doesn't have to become a huge issue if you don't want it to be one.

amusedbush · 15/03/2017 06:57

What if the ex had that name picked already and had her heart set on it?

Then she could have piped up at any point when they were discussing it. By using it without saying anything, the ex has made herself look like a sneaky bitch whether she planned to use it or not.

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 07:06

Many of us on this thread have the wisdom to know that baby name choices should be shared with no-one before birth.

That is , if we want an easy life.

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 07:13

chloe84- I don't know that as fact.

My fist sentence of that post starts I would guess .

Just as you are guessing this
I think if OW or ex had been thinking of that name, OW would have told OP so when OP first told her the name.

I would tell no- one of my name choice before the baby was born and named. The ex may be of the same mindset.

Chickendipper12 · 15/03/2017 08:45

amusedbush

She didnt have to pipe up at all. She may not of wanted to tell anyone her baby name because others would find out? She may have been annoyed op was using that name?
Being on good terms doesnt mean sharing baby names and getting your nails done. Perhaps the ex understand this but op doesn't.
Its a pathetic thing to get upset about meanwhile there another small child being resented for the name she's been given and another ignored because of drama over a god damn name. They all sound like they need to grow up. Ex if she has used the name to be spiteful and op for acting like a princess xx

DreamingofItaly · 15/03/2017 08:50

OP, its not illegal but it pisses me off too. DP's brother just took "our" name for their son. First and second names. Not that we had a hold over it but we'd sat together some time ago talking names, we were getting a puppy and struggling with the name, then the conversation naturally progressed to what we'd call our children (if we ever had any). We said XY and they have now taken it. Can't be a coincidence, it's both names. I'm not happy and I won't call my son (if I ever have one) the same name as I find it weird.

There are loads of names out there so much as it's crap, I think you need to pick another one for the sake of your DC.

dowhatnow · 15/03/2017 08:55

I'd be irritated too, but I'd choose another one. If you don't everyone will think you copied even if you didn't.