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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Marriage proposal - tired of waiting.

160 replies

Stephy90 · 13/03/2017 21:36

Been with my OH for 2.5 years now and for the last year or so he's been frequently dropping hints about proposing. He's asked my ring size, asked me to show him the sort of ring I'd like, told me I have a 'big surprise' coming multiple times, he's asked what my dream proposal would be and so on. None of this would have entered my mind at such an early stage had he not have brought it up and I've now been waiting for it to happen for quite some time.

We are in the process of looking for a property to buy together and I again brought up the topic of marriage just before we started house hunting as we have agreed we would like to try for a baby in the next 3 years and Ive told him I would like to be married before we start TTC.

Earlier today he again suggested we look at rings together (for the 50th time - indicating that he still hasn't purchased a ring or progressed any further since he first mentioned proposing ages ago) online tonight yet by the time he got home there was no mention of it and this feels like yet another empty promise to keep me hopeful without actually delivering anything Hmm

AIBU to feel like I'm being strung along slightly here and would it be unreasonable for me to have a frank discussion with him and agree a timescale for the proposal? I dont want him to feel pressured into anything or take the magic out of it, but we have both agreed that we want to marry and he's had so many opportunities to propose and so far just empty promises Sad

OP posts:
ChippieBeanAndHorro · 14/03/2017 20:06

I think 26 is very young to marry.

Really?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/03/2017 20:08

Yeah I don't know anyone who married before 30

SquidgeyMidgey · 14/03/2017 20:15

I was 25 when I got married, post grad qualifications, professional job and all.

OP I agree you just need to set a date.

ChippieBeanAndHorro · 14/03/2017 20:16

Yeah I don't know anyone who married before 30

I did. Maybe weird, but I wanted to have children bit earlier. I have some family members that got pregnant later and their pregnancies and the "bounce back" seemed rather difficult (compared to others...)

QueenInsomnia · 16/03/2017 15:30

26 is young to get married?..
I got married at 21, and I'm very happy in my marriage Smile

heron98 · 16/03/2017 15:51

I find this hard to understand as to me personally marriage isn't important and I really don't care if my DP proposes to me or not. (we've been together 6 years and own a house together). I certainly don't feel I am waiting for a ring.

Could this be the case with your OH? Might be genuinely not see the point of the proposal and is only saying all that to please you?

FrostyPopThePenguinLord · 16/03/2017 15:55

My husband and I have been together since i was 16, so 8 years, im 25 now, we always knew we would get married. But we had school, university and jobs to deal with, we are now at the talking about houses and children stage. In the end i got sick of waiting, i just wanted to get married and get it done, i proposed to him, it wasn't wierd it was more a confirmation of what we both wanted, he wouldn't do it without the perfect engagement ring and i wanted to get it done before we had children etc.
In the end we had a beautiful day found a lovely registry office so no massive venue to hire and our local bistro pub let us have the room for free because we had 30 people eating, only cost us 17 a head and they got their own drinks because we don't drink, the whole thing cost us less than 1000 because my mum got the dress and i didn't have any bridesmaids but other than that it was a proper wedding, cake, flowers etc just in miniature.
If you both want it then a ring should mean nothing, yes the jewellery is nice but i have a wedding ring and that's the important thing, we had a very quick engagement because the wedding was so small and quick to arrange, and he says that he will get me one in the future, but now i don't have to wait for that, it's just a bonus.

JennyWoodentop · 16/03/2017 16:12

I don't understand the waiting for the big proposal if you've already agreed to get married either - but have you agreed or is he just passively going along with that? if you've agreed, just do it, but I don't get the sense that will happen really, sorry.

You seem clear that you want to be married, you want children, you want to start trying to get pregnant in about 3 years, and you want to be married before than. The order of those things wouldn't matter to everyone, but it seems they do to you. If they are deal breakers for you then it seems you would be unwise to buy property with him now before clarifying that he is on the same page - I don't mean an ultimatum as such, but an open honest conversation about how you both see the future, if you can't do that, then really do you have a future together?

I worry about you buying a place with him and being tied financially, possibly having children and no job, and 5 years down the line being no nearer to getting married. Or not having children as you held off till marriage, realizing he won't marry you, and suddenly you're in your 30's with no partner, no children and worrying that if you have fertility problems later on you've missed the boat.

amusedbush · 16/03/2017 16:20

I think 26 is very young to marry.

I met DH at 21, married at 25. We're very happy.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 18/03/2017 01:07

See we never had a proposal, from either of us. We just decided. Then started planning the wedding.

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