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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 13/03/2017 09:07

Sounds like she's decided your son does not need his own room. You managed to find a bigger cottage so he could have his own room, she has now found somebody else to go in it.

Who does this sort of thing? Do they not think ..... hang on a minute, is this not a bit rude and cheeky?

Peanutandphoenix · 13/03/2017 09:09

If I was you OP I would be putting my foot down right fuck not wanting to rock the boat I would be telling them your not going and you want remebersing for the holiday because no child of mine would made to sleep in a bathroom.

pinkdelight · 13/03/2017 09:09

Exactly! And it's not you who's going to cause a lot of bad feeling, it's mil who is already causing it. Be firm. Yanbu.

ChippieBeanAndHorro · 13/03/2017 09:09

Your child can't and shouldn't sleep in a bathroom!!!

The money is one thing.

But it's just so presumptuous... And it disregards your son. It's pretty awful.

However, you could suck it up but take your PIL aside to tell them that you're very upset by this and that it shouldn't happen again. If you generally have a good relationship with them.

ChoccyJules · 13/03/2017 09:09

I know your DH is unlikely to agree, given he's already wary of rocking boats with his Mum (where have we heard that before?) but have you paid your share yet? If not I would be telling them you three are now going on holiday alone, given the arrangements are not what you were originally told and do not give them any money. Their changes, their mess, their monkeys.
I know it's easier for me to say this at a distance to your family!

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 09:10

-Who does this sort of thing? Do they not think ..... hang on a minute, is this not a bit rude and cheeky?

Maybe not if the OP doesn't tell them she thinks it's rude and cheeky.

Are you really not going to say anything!?

Rafflesway · 13/03/2017 09:10

By the sounds of your recent post sleep it appears your DH just wants an easy life. 😡

Sorry but I wouldn't be happy with this at all! I certainly wouldn't accept my DC sleeping in a bathroom 😲.

If it was me I would be backing out, reclaiming any money spent on original holiday and making alternative arrangements. There would be no further joint holiday letting either

I think you are far from BU!

AyeAmarok · 13/03/2017 09:11

Just text your in-laws to say that DS can't share your room (or bathroom, WTF?) and needs that room. So either BIL and his wife will need to cosy up with her sister, or their child give up his room.

You both (you, DS, and them and their DC with SN) need two rooms each, which is why you booked that place. They don't get to unilaterally decide that you will give up your needs for someone else. They want her there, they can take the resulting inconvenience.

QueenofallIsee · 13/03/2017 09:12

OP, you are within your rights to say 'No sorry'. If your MIL wants her sons sister in law present at your family holiday, then she should give up her room to accommodate her. In reality, I am sure for the sake of family harmony that you will compromise (as would I, with bad grace) but for goodness sake make sure that they know you are very very unhappy about it. That you feel that you are being expected to subsidise everyone else with not so much as a courteous 'do you mind'

deadringer · 13/03/2017 09:14

Yanbu, not one little bit. I would say no to the changed arrangements and i would stick to it.

MiniCooperLover · 13/03/2017 09:15

If you've all split the cost equally I'd be making it clear to MIL that she'll have to give up some of her space and your DS will be staying put in the room you've paid for!

taptonaria27 · 13/03/2017 09:16

As a pp said I think your mil views your sons room as unnecessary and so has filled it.
If you made it clear at the time of booking that you wanted a room for your son then it shouldn't come as any surprise to her that you still do.

londonrach · 13/03/2017 09:21

If sil comes shes pays her share of the accommodation prior to coming end of story. However ill be tempted to get b &b information for the location....say great lovely to see her heres places she can stay. Cottage is full end of story.

August1984 · 13/03/2017 09:22

I'm with MiniCooper.

Sorry, i told you all the reasons why DS needed his own room before we chose the house and paid, it's not safe to put a one year old in a bathroom for christs sake and how is anyone going to use it without waking him up? We've paid a third of the cost on the basis that DS gets his own room so we can relax as it is meant to be a holiday after all.

Unless there's is space elsewhere, she can't come, end of. Not your problem.

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 09:22

I'm definitely going to say something to mil or bil if i see them today. I know that my bils wife went to see her sister yesterday so maybe they told mil who told me when she shouldn't have done. So I'm thinking about whether i should wait to see if bil asks us. But either way mil has let the cat out of the bag by making it clear it's already arranged.
Mil finds chaotic get-togethers with loads of family in one house loads of fun and does it often at her house. I have a great relationship with her so I don't want to offend her but equally i do not want to be pushed around.

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 13/03/2017 09:23

'Join us for a few days' more than likely means for the week. I don't know, OP, if your husband won't 'rock the boat', it will be up to you to speak up. If you do, will you end up forever more as the baddie who denied the brother's SIL a holiday. And if you don't speak up, will you end up swallowing your annoyance for the week.
In your shoes, I wouldn't be at all happy at arrangements that you specified in order that you could have a room for your DS, being changed arbitrarily and at your expense. And no, he won't be sleeping in the bathroom. You need to make that perfectly clear.

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 09:24

What is your relationship with your sister in law/brother in law like? Will they be surprised that you would be cross about this do you think?

Headofthehive55 · 13/03/2017 09:25

I think it's reasonable to ask her to refund you and suggest to her you'll holiday separately. She will not want that.
It's not just beds, but spaces at the table, plates in the cupboard.
Holiday homes are usually set up for so many people. Not extra.

StrawberryShortcake32 · 13/03/2017 09:25

What does your DH think of this?

There's nothing rude or demanding about saying that you don't want DS to sleep in a bathroom. Who would?! MIL can juggle things around or let her sleep in her bathroom if she's hell bent on coming. You shouldn't have to sacrifice the rooms you've paid for.

TurboTheChicken · 13/03/2017 09:26

As a holiday home owner I would not be happy for extra people to be staying without my knowledge. Over occupancy can have an impact on the validity of insurance, my terms and conditions state that additional people are not allowed and if guests bring people that aren't on the booking form their contract can be terminated immediately with no refund.

Not that I'd ever really do that but you might be able to take that angle with your family?

MargaretCavendish · 13/03/2017 09:28

If you've all split the cost equally I'd be making it clear to MIL that she'll have to give up some of her space and your DS will be staying put in the room you've paid for!

I think this is a pretty bad argument/tactic since MIL has paid the same as OP and is only getting one room for it...

mickeysminnie · 13/03/2017 09:29

I would clarify which 'few days' exactly they are coming from and if it is more than 2 days (1 night) ask what the plans are for the new payment arrangements.
But to be honest. I would just pull out. You went to the trouble of sourcing a larger house so that your ds got his own room. You know someone who works there so you got a discount and the larger house now works out cheaper than the smaller house was.
You say this is the only week you have. I wouldn't spend my only weeks holidays putting a 'stiff upper lip'. Screw that.
Funny how the extended family has now decided to come when it is free!

Jux · 13/03/2017 09:31

"No, that room is for ds, that's why we agreed to paying for this place."

MuseumOfCurry · 13/03/2017 09:32

A crowded holiday rental is not my idea of a holiday. Sounds horrendous.

Great, I've invited my parents as well, can they stay in your bathroom?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/03/2017 09:32

Your DH is incorrect, you would not be rocking the boat, your MIL is already doing this, with no concern for your thoughts on the matter.
It would probably be best to address this issue together, as she seems to like calling the shots, also you cannot be solely blamed then, should the proverbial, hit the fan.
There is no way, my DS would be kipping in the bathroom, we wouldn't go. You are paying for this holiday OP, it's not a freebie, make your case known. 😡